13 Reasons Why
by dyingXdasies
Summary: After Helga Pataki's death the town of Hillwood is secretly up in arms. A mystery figure has unleashed incriminating evidence through out the High Schoolers in town.The rumors spread encircling the life of Helga Pataki. The gang must face the skeletons lingering in their own closet. Every one has the question: Why? Helga has the answers. 13 Reasons Why!
1. Chapter 1

I have a busy life. I work a lot and I have a 1 yrs old. I have a fan fiction called How to Lose Arnold in Ten Days I love writing it and it is doing so well. This story however compelled me tonight and though I should be asleep it haunted me until I wrote it. I may continue it I may not. With everything on my plate the only way I'm continuing this is a concept of supply and demand. If I have people demanding for it I will supply. Happy Readings!

13 Reasons Why

Prologue

"If time was a string connecting all of your stories, that party would be the point where everything knots up. And that knot keeps growing and growing, getting more and more tangled, dragging the rest of your stories into it." – Jay Ashor

Helga's vision blurred color fading into dripping visual water paints. The world was tilting on its axel. Sight is seen through several separate images displayed as a whole together. Helga's perception of sight had been drastically distorted. Her vision had become one entire display of objects everything mingling into one color; everything combining to form the shade of red.

Red was all Helga registered in front of her. Why, the world was painted red? Red represented more than merely a primary color. Red was a manifestation of anger and frustration. If any individual could comprehend what it was like to harbor anger inside one's self it was Helga G. Pataki. Helga knew what it was to be enraged with the life that is thrust upon you. Understood what it meant to be provoked towards violence. Until, finally your rage burned a scorching red shriveling everything and everyone around you. Eventually that anger elapses into hatred, when that anger has no victim to inflict its self upon it inverts towards personal self; it transforms into self loathing. Red is the color of hate!

Passion is a burning flame lit inside the very soul. Burning hot and red is the need of a passionate existence. Helga had once known what it was to be passionate. She had known what it was like to be driven. Known what it was like to have goals that you would not relent from until you met the full measure of those goals. To have a strong compelling urge to be accomplished was something Helga had long forgotten to feel. She had once been an individual who supported her goals full heartedly unwavering in opinions. Once she decided a topic held substance she clung to it until it reached its peak. Her life was at its own personal peak. Red is the color of passion!

Love is a many splendor thing. Love is a rich emotion. Love is the depths of the shading of red; a single red rose. Love is the most complex of all human emotions. Helga was most acquainted with the need of love. Helga had spent her entire existence with the knowledge of what it is to suffer from unrequited affections. Helga had spent from her very birth most of her time dealing with the damages of neglect. Forever unwanted by her parents, forever unwanted in her friendships, and forever unwanted by the one boy who had been the only thing to ever matter. However torturing it was Helga above all else knew what it was to hold inside your heart a love that could not be neglected inside yourself but unwilling to be expressed to others. Love was a rich bloody texture. Red is the color of love!

Now as Helga towered over the edge of the building her vision blurred a glowing agonizing red! All her emotions, all her woes, her entire living existence boiling down to this single moment. When a single rock is thrown into the ocean it appears slender and small as if it could make no impact on such an engulfing amount of water. However, once tossed into the ocean as a rock sinks it leaves a rippling effect. As the rock sinks to rot at the bottom grains of sand circular patterns cause an effect as it warps the shape of the ocean waters. Even something as implicit as a sinking rock has a cause and effect. Helga considered herself a sinking rock and her fall into the depths of the blue sky would have an impacting effect far greater than herself.

She felt a pleasure in knowing that though she suffered now in this moment that it would never form into a memory. Revenge is a dish best served cold; what Helga had planned for the fools who led her here was a revenge chilled to a degree that challenged the arctic. After tonight her sufferance would forever cease. For the group Helga had targeted sufferance was merely beginning and would follow them to the grave. Would the grave be eternal rest for her once tormenters? The tables had reversed and Helga Pataki would ensure that they rested uneasy even in the hereafter. Helga on the other hand knew that she would finally understand what it is to truly rest. Helga would finally understand inner peace; rest. Helga would entrance herself in an eternal rest.

Helga was no longer compelled by her mixed thoughts on primary colors and feelings. For the first time since she could remember Helga's brain paused, she was empty, empty of any thoughts at all. There was a pleasure swelling up inside her chest. It pleased her to know that she had known the last scandal in town and she was the last to share this secret with a select few. Though, she'd acted tough in all actuality Helga had spent her life powerless. In her death Helga would at last win the power struggle taking complete control over so many lives! It was almost a shame to her that she wouldn't be sticking around long enough to witness her gain. All is well that ends well.

She stretched out her ivory arms and her skin seemed to glow fluorescently under the pale moon light. Her platinum hair cascading a blonde ocean waving down her spine. The wind whistled the only sound to penetrate the night air. She tugged her pink ribbon from her hair and it fluttered into the star gleamed night. She lifted herself on to her tip toes poising herself into the form of a beautiful ballerina. She was about to embark into her last dance. Helga had always been the odd one out; always the black sheep. In this quiet moment on top of her roof top she felt complete. She felt like a small girl again dreaming about growing up to be a ballerina. Her sapphire eyes lit up a million candles reflecting and igniting her soul inside. Her teeth broke through the surface of her pale skin to form a smile. Helga's smile was elegant and as white as winter's first snowfall. Never before had Helga been so peaceful and so pleased. She spent her last minute of life with a cleared head completely happy. "Bye; Bye, Black bird!" Helga exclaimed to no one in particular. She leapt into the air a beautiful bird tumbling down from the sky.

All the while well Helga was committing her last physical act a mysterious dark figure was putting into effect the beginnings of her mentality. A large brown parcel package was being lugged across the pavement as the figure dragged it through the dark alley ways. Inside that box contained Helga's secrets. Inside the box were recordings much like a diary. Only, it wasn't only Helga's secrets at risk but perhaps the entire neighborhood! The leering figure rang the door bell and ran. Rhonda Wellington Lloyd opened her front door to discover a mysterious package and this dear reader is where our story begins. Our story begins where another girl's story ends. Though Helga is gone her story lingers itching to be told. This is the endearing story of Helga Geraldine Pataki; listen with caution.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Dances and Dreaming

"**Ballet is a dance executed by the human soul."  
**

**- Alexander Pushkin**

She was lovelier then every shade of rose. Her cheeks flushed a rosy blush that Arnold could delight in viewing. Pretty as a picture; pretty in pink, that would have been his description of Helga Pataki. As he watched her gliding across the stage he felt a hunger unlike any other; a wanting so intense that it morphed into a hungry desire. His Hunter Green eyes delighted in the sight of her devouring every facial expression to gluttonously imprint in his memory. He wanted to keep her just as she was in this moment. Colors were more vibrant the world lightening in desire as he watched this private show.

The curtains were drawn back and Arnold lingered a phantom behind the drapes. He had never visualized such beauty! The admired had become the secret admirer. She twirled and spun an elegant gazelle. Though only he peered behind the curtain she danced as if the world were watching. Every bodily gesture signifying silently all the longings she feared to ever speak. He understood her body language far more than any word she'd ever spoken. He could watch her private ballet performance forever more.

She unraveled her tight platinum bun and as she did it fluttered to rest at her waist. Her blonde hair swayed to Chopin Chopsticks in time with the tempo. Arnold was wafted in the delicate scent of wild flowers a smell that had always captivated him. Even as a child when his emotions towards Helga were confusing he had always found a secret indulgence from her flowery scent. Now, not much had changed between them his feelings growing more confusing and complex with age. One thing that was simple to enjoy to him was the essence of wild flowers. She was so much like a flower waving in the breeze of an everglade. Her exterior persona would exude strength similar to the Goddess Athena; yet he knew, more so then anyone else, that her soul was a fragile dandelion tugging back and forth in the winds of existence. Helga was Arnold's unattainable and impossible to capture wild flower.

He had lost himself in her smell and did not realize he'd gasped. Helga's footing became aloof as she halted. Her eyes pulled him in like the tides of the deep blue ocean. He stared unashamed into those crystal orbs of blue. They stood there for a moment and the world seemed to stand still with them. No one existed in this little scenario; no one except for themselves. Her eyes lulled him in and wave after wave of craving washed over him. He had known what it meant to want Helga but never before had his want turned into such a burning need. In the back of his mind he associates his need with passion and in avertedly his thoughts swayed towards his most favorite of colors: Red. He recalled a long forgotten conversation with Helga a debate about the poetic influence of color. She had been the one to make Arnold enjoy the color Red as intently as he did.

"_Arnold you're stalking me." She laughs and it is the trilling sound of church bells. _

"_It's only stalking if you have no desire to be watched." He corrected her matter-of-factly._

"_Who says I want to be watched by you football head?" She sneers. _

"_Eyes are the portal into the soul. Your soul says you want me to want you Helga." He responds simply._

"_You've always been the only one I know to read between the lines." She pauses and he allows her to finish her wordings with caution. _

"_Yet, you ignore all the words in those lines. You know the truth but ignore it. They say stupidity is bliss. Has pretending to be stupid to the truth brought you any bliss Arnold?" Helga ponders aloud. _

"_What compelling truth about you do I obviously know Helga? You've never been one for clear signals with your feelings. In fact, for half our lives if I recall, you've done the polar opposite of following your feelings. You Bully, use harsh nick names, push away the one person who deserves to be pulled in." He holds no shame in sharing his analytics of her personality faults because even with those faults he still finds her ravishing. _

"_You have no room Arnold to attempt to analyze what makes me tick." She puts empathies on the word tick. "I haven't even exchanged more than two words with you since last summer!" Her voice becomes a seething brew of hostility. _

"_Helga I've walked past you every single week day wanting," She interrupts him. "Wanting what exactly Arnold?" She demands blatantly. "Wanting to snatch you by the arm in the hallway and kiss you!" The words pour out of Arnold now. "Wanting to tell you I love you. That it's you Helga! It's always been you Helga! You've shown me the meaning of hate, love, passion, the meaning of Red! I never understood that poetry assignment. Now I understand it means everything! You mean everything Helga! It was more than writing poems about colors it was about the soul! You've churned my once pale pastels of blue into explosive shades of Red. Don't you get it Helga? We represent red! We are Red!" He exclaims and the confession does nothing to ease his heart. _

She tilted her head gliding ghostly towards him just beyond his reach. "Helga, I know so much about you yet I know nothing too." His was breaking. "I never knew you did ballet." He interjects anything to stuff down the embarrassment of her neglect to his confession. It was only fair; he could still recall his mistake of neglecting her confession of love as children. "I don't do ballet Arnold." Her voice changes into a frightening deep tone an inhumane vocal. He screamed. It was all he could do his brain lacking the ability to process. He screamed until his lungs itched from the scraping of his wind pipes. Her once pale pink leotards morphed into black. Everything was wilting into a black abyss.

"Some things are better left unsaid Arnold. I can tell you from experience that lates aren't always better than nevers." Her voice had returned to normal but there was a haunting sadness in her blue eyes. The stage began to shake as it transformed its self into an unfamiliar roof top. Helga swayed close to the edge. Helga was slipping like smoke through his bare hands. There was no stopping cause and effect!

"Helga please come closer." He pleaded no longer interested in trying to reason. "No," was her only retort. "Helga please I need you." He begged. "No," she countered once more. "Helga I said stop! Helga come here now!" He spoke in a deep authority's voice as her foot twirled teasingly in the thin air. "I said no Arnold!" Helga yelped torturously! "Bye, bye black bird," She whispered as she leapt into thin air posing as if a water driver. "No!" It was Arnold's turn to use that choice of word. It made no difference though she was gone. Helga Pataki was gone!

Arnold shook in his bed almost near convulsion. He had never experienced such vivid imaginings. It was the worst nightmare he had ever suffered. Today was Friday the 13th and he knew that the date and his dream were a forewarning of what to expect today. Today was also Helga G. Pataki's funeral. Leave it to her neglectful parents to choose such a harsh date to bury their unwanted second child. Arnold burrowed further into his plaid blue sheets. He was half tempted to lay there forever and refuse to attend the funeral. Maybe he would take an absence from life for a while in general? What was life but a fleeting moment in eternity? He had never thought of such morbid topics but there was no way to banish such thoughts today.

He wore all black with a matching dark bowtie. He sat in the front row stroking Olga's hair pretending along with her that she actually felt sympathy. Arnold knew that Olga had always willingly turned a blind eye to her dysfunctional teenage angst sister. Yet, being the kind of boy he was he too turned a blind eye to Olga's neglect soothing her. That was Arnold the forever maître. Forever Arnold ignored his own sufferance always there to ensure everyone else's burdens were lifted. He stayed after accepting everyone's hushed whispers of sorry for your loss. They hadn't spoken in almost a year it puzzled him as to why so many would bombard him with that sentence. He was numb in his agony. Paralyzed spiritually in his pain.

Grudgingly he forced one dress shoe in front of the other as he dragged himself back to his boarding house. The dream still imprinted fresh in his mind. Helga was gone but her memory was haunting him. For the first time in a week curiosity enticed him. Arnold had almost forgotten what it was to feel something other than longing and lonesomeness. In front of his front door was a large mailing package. He heaved it in his arms. Do to years of Baseball he had large biceps and it was light as a feather to carry into his bedroom. He peeled the tape off savagely he had to know what the contents inside where.

Inside were cassettes. The box filled almost to the brim with cassettes! Arnold was quizzical his palms sweaty as he palmed the cassette that red tape 1 side 1. Shaky he made his way to his surround sound radio. Steadily he pushed the open button. He pressed his plump pink lips to the entrance area blowing out all the dust. It had been quite some time since a tape had made us of its self in his stereo. Arnold had no inkling of the impact pressing play would bring to him for the remainder of his life. Arnold took a deep breath and slowly pressed play. Static greeted him at first. The voice he hadn't heard in three weeks and thought he never would again penetrated the air. Surrounding him was the echo of Helga G. Pataki's voice with a blatant message.

"_**Hello this is a gift from me to you. Yes you lamebrains. If you are listening to this tape then clean out your ears because I have something vital to tell you." **_**She cackled and it vibrated inside Arnold's cranium. **_**"This is do or die! Ha- ha get it die? Well, whatever you don't have to laugh with or at me I got this one." **_**Her laugh was taunting a high reeling bell pitched sound. **_**"Let us not beat around the bush. After all you all know I am not a girl for delicate descriptions. If you're listening to this tape than you are obviously a part of my story. You are a part of the story that is my life or rather now lack of it. **_**Every funeral joke Helga cracked tore a bullet hole inside Arnold's heart. **_**"Okay; Okay I know guys it's too soon to crack dead guy jokes. Whatever, life is too short to constantly scowl and I know this more so than anyone else, so lighten freaking up will you?" **_** Hearing her made Arnold miss her more**_**. "These tapes are each dedicated to a specific person.**_ _**Each one of you who has received this package are an influence to my death. Each one of you hold a single strand of thread that spun out the tale of what lead me to be deceased. You "Will" (I put heavy parentheses on will) listen to every tape 1-13. After you have listened you are to put them back in the box in order and ship it off to the next person after you. If you don't you will all regret and rue that you hadn't finished the task. If you so choose not to pass on the tapes do to humiliation then the entire news cast will broadcast them all. I have a secret agent who has a copy of every tape and they will deliver it to the news cast. So let us repress our lamebrain impulses and pass the news as planned Kay? Oh, and one more thing, number thirteen I'll see you in hell you shithead!" **_

The tape cut out to static and Arnold's stomach dropped to the floor. Arnold swayed plopping on his bed. He clutched his shaggy blonde locks trying not to regurgitate his already small lunch. Who else were all these tapes intended for? What had they all done to push Helga off her already two inch ledge? Worse what specifically had Arnold done to the only girl he'd ever loved? Who was number thirteen? What made Arnold Nauseated was the dwelling thought he tried to dumb down; what if he was number thirteen?


	3. Chapter 3

WRITER'S NOTE:I picture Helga growing up to look and sound like the singer pink but with long hair3 WARNING it's rated T for a reason there is Language and violence proceed with caution my Loves. This chapter is long they will be because I am going to try and cover the tapes in one chapter two at most. I need to post for my other fic but this story demands to be written. Happy readings!

Chapter 3

Tape 1

"30 minutes is a long time to wait for a Valentine's date."- Jay Asher

Arnold pressed play with haste. He had found drive in his life once more. All the secrets and emotions Helga harbored he would finally penetrate. Arnold had spent his entire life trying to crack open the confines of Helga Pataki. Now there would be no questions unanswered. All would be revealed. Now, his hand hesitated just above the play button. What if he was thirteen? What if there was worse things than he could fathom inside the contents of this tape? He pushed fear away the only way to know was to press play. With all the courage Arnold could muster he clicked play. He laid on his bed shutting his eyes allowing himself to fall under the spell of Helga's voice.

"_**Hello Wolfgang. You are probably wondering why a girl you haven't spoken to in four years would make you first on a recording of her life?" **_Arnold agreed, he too wondered how on Earth Wolfgang was even on these tapes let alone the first Helga would choose to confront. _**"I'm sure Rhonda Wellington Lloyd can guess how you got here Wolf but that's another topic all together. No, Wolfgang you aren't number one because you yourself hold any substance to me. To be honest Wolfgang I hadn't thought of you in four years either until now. You see every story has a starting character. Well, I call them starting characters because they help the introduction of the story but their substance fades after a couple chapters. You read and after a few chapters they fade out, disappear almost from the pages, as the other characters take over in a more important role. Excuse me, I apologize, I'm rattling on. So let me begin, shall we Wolf?" **_

Arnold clutched his pillow in angst. She had always had such flare and even in a mere audio she had a way of pulling you in. She made you crave more constantly almost as if it wasn't actually her life she was letting you in on. She spoke as if she was telling you her most familiar fairytale. Arnold didn't know what to think everything was sinking so heavily in his mind that it was slowly ebbing him into a migraine.

"_**We both have a bond in personality dysfunctions. You see, you and I will always shield ourselves by derailing someone else's confidence. It's a quirk that insecure people such as us have. Maybe it was our aggressive natures that pulled us towards each other. We should have ignored that pull because it worked about as well as trying to rub two magnets together. I still remember the day we met. Do you remember?" No, I'm not talking about the kiddies on Gerald Field acquaintances. I'm talking about the first day we actually met. No? Well allow me to take you back to that day Wolfgang."**_

Arnold took a deep steadying breath it seemed that he needed to take a lot of those lately. He never cared for Wolfgang even as they entered puberty he upgraded from school yard bully to class A; class A-hole! He was frustrated to know that Wolfgang had tainted Helga's life. Arnold was frustrated to know that he had caused the rippling effect that ended another individual's life! Arnold was not impulsive by nature it was easy for him to gain back self control. He calmed himself allowing Helga to continue.

_**I was fifteen. I was a punk rock kind of girl. I wore the heavy eyeliner and converse. Let us not forget that signature grey beanie I rocked for like a decade! **_Arnold remembered because he had been the only one to truly miss Helga's pretty pink bow. _**"I was walking by myself which I didn't do often those days. I was the indie rock chick. People couldn't get enough of my darkness and drummer girl persona. Yet, on that fateful day I happened to be strolling through the city park all by my lonesome. There you were Wolfgang, standing there all alone and something about the sight sucked me in; there's no other words for it I'm a sucker!**_ "You were pretty in pink; or pretty in punk, or just plainly pretty perfect to me." Arnold announced to the recording as if his words through speaking to her long since gone recording would reach and empower her. Pretty as a picture and with his eyes closed Arnold could visualize Helga's tale.

_**You were kind of sexy your look matched my image perfectly. When you're a Freshman in High School nothing matters more than whatever image you've created. You had an image of a very; very naughty boy Wolfgang." **_She said the last sentence seductively caressing each syllable. Even Arnold who tried to remain a consistent gentleman had to admit in the privacy of his own home that getting dirty with Helga would be sexy. His heart ricochet from out of his chest slamming back and forth from the wall to the floor. It was a physical pain as it dawned on Arnold that the chance would never come again. He would never see Helga again! He was merely listening to a recording the real deal was six feet under as of tonight. Arnold wondered how much a human heart could suffer before it finally thudded one last time. Could the pain or Helga's loss be the sole culprit to Arnold's own death?

"_**What are you looking at scrub?" You announced. Normally guy or girl if you talk to me like that I'll pound you. At least, that's the type of kindred spirit I was back then. I liked your leather jacket. Most of all I liked that you were sixteen with a motorcycle. I imagined riding the back of your Harley the sight of us on your bike inducing my Blowhard dad's heart attack. The image was enough to enable me to bite my tongue. I don't know what compelled you to start a conversation with me Wolfgang. Maybe it was little wolf thinking for you. I have to admit I'm not half bad in a retro sort of way. I'm the rebel girl boys picture in their bedrooms but never take into their living rooms to meet the parents. **_I don't have parents but you met my grandparents isn't that the same? Arnold thought in vain obviously it wasn't the same to Helga or maybe she'd have been happier. How had he the most intuitive man in Hillwood fail to see Helga's pain? His mind trailed back to what dream Helga had asked him_: Has stupidity brought you bliss Arnold?___Arnold could have wallowed in his over powering emotions but instead he took his breaths kept himself together somehow and listened.

"_**Aye Helga right? I've heard about you. You're not a half bad drummer for a chick that is." I rose my eyebrow and smirked at you. "You're not that bad either; Wolfgang right? Not bad for a condescending douche who I wouldn't take even a minute to talk to." I retorted. I could see that my retort sparked interest in you. It had gone from a trivial conversation to a competition. "Give me three minutes and I'll prove you otherwise Ms. Pataki." You countered. "You know my last name?" I was honestly stunned that you had a memory capacity with the entire weed you smoked behind the alley ways. **_Arnold busted up in a fit of laughter aloud to Helga's sassy statement._** "Three minutes otherwise you owe me and must figure out a way to repay me for the waste of breathing time you took." I retorted snidely but my rudeness that usually deflected people only seemed to lure you in. "Deal," You snorted smarting slightly as you shook my hand. I hopped on your bike and we shared a romantic and random night together. I'm talking the works Karaoke, stealing alcohol, jumping into the river. It came to an end and you finally drove me to my door step. Can you guess what happens next folks?"**_ Arnold could; a good night kiss is what happens next he was sure of it. Though it had already taken place jealousy coursed poisonously through his veins!

"_**You towered over me given that I'm only five three. You gave me a cheesy grin the type that a fifteen year old would swoon over. You lifted my chin and wham, bam, maim you kissed me. Didn't even give me the courtesy that a respectable man would give a lady; you didn't ask just assumed I owed you that kiss for dragging me around town. Your lips were warm though and mine were cold, young, and impressionable. Wolfgang you are not the first kiss I've ever had." **_Arnold's mind wandered to a roof top long ago. Arnold knew darn well that he was Helga's first kiss. _**"Who was my first kiss? Oh, the scandal of knowing it all! Don't worry your little hearts out you'll find out soon enough!" **_Did this mean Arnold's tape was next? He selfishly wondered growing tiresome of Wolfgang's tape it only served to frustrate him.

_**Though I didn't want you Wolfgang there was something inside me that needed you to need me. I had never been needed before and I craved to be desired more so then desiring. I had spent my life searching for desire it was time to let it find me. I had to have you Wolfgang. For what it's worth that kiss wasn't a Notebook movie classic kiss; it was a juicy one none the less. Definitely worth the diary page I dedicated to it. We began to have a pattern of dates. I grew a school girl crush. You were the seductive villain verses the attractive good guy super hero stereo type I always chased after. What made me want to keep you most of all Wolfgang is that you had done the chasing. It was nice to have a role reversal from my usual romantic life; to be hunted rather then play part as the hunter. People began to take notice that we were hanging out and failing to talk about it after. If there's one fact about human nature if the answers aren't displayed people will create their own until it's disproven. Everyone knows you can't disprove a rumor. **_

Arnold remembered the rumor all too well. Helga was the scandal of Hillwood high for months. She'd carried a reputation after that. The reputation never died down to a dull roar it was always one thing after the next. He'd longed to confront her to demand her side of the story; the more each question swam through his mind the more they drifted apart away from the shores of companionship. She'd gone from his childhood bully, junior high best friend, to high school stranger. Rumor had it Helga Pataki was a slut. He shivered at the memory of the rumor being freshly brewed through campus.

"_**Oh yes, all thirteen of you know what the rumor was. Helga Pataki was giving rebel bad boy Wolfgang quickies on the weekly!" Helga cackled menacingly. "What a pity; what a shame, poor lonesome desperate Helga!" She bellowed. **_Arnold wrapped his fingers around his ears stunned by the uprising in decimals. Her voice shook venomously through his sound system. "You alright Shortman!" His grandpa shouted through the crack of the door. "Yeah grandpa, it's just a movie and I am turning it down now!" Arnold promised pausing the tape to ensure that his grandpa slinked down the stairs instead of ease dropping.

"_**Yup, the whole school whispered about one single girl's virginity. It was practically front page news! Dead men tell no tales! So let me set the record straight. In my hands is a bible; I swear to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. It doesn't get any rawer than this guys! Know whatever you hear, say, or do involving these tapes is nothing but the truth. They say truth goes with you when you die. I can't condone the previous comment. Life or death I keep it real. There's what he said, she said, and the truth. These tapes are the bitter truth. Ready for the truth guys? Ready for me to tell them Wolfe'?" **_

"_**No, I did not lose my virginity to Wolfgang. Heck I hadn't even done anything further than French kisses. I asked you to explain to me what happened Wolfgang. I wanted to know where the rumor started. Rumors are borne off the lips of a stranger and end their retelling often times from the lips of a friend. That quote is best reserved for our next tape though. So, you told me to meet you on the most Romantic day of the year. I'm a closet romantic so I obliged to your proposal. You said lets meet at the Ice cream parlor. I dressed in my pretty pink dress. Curled my hair put a bright pink bow around my head matching it with my highest heels. I wanted to impress you in my childish fantasy of love conquers all.**_

Arnold was puzzled as he suddenly began to recall that day. Arnold had been at the parlor that Valentines. He had been on a bland and what he considered a failure of a date. Hell, he'd been in a failure of a relationship. He'd been with Lila Sawyer because, well, it was the logical thing to do and Arnold was always reason over rhyme. He did what he was supposed to do. They were both nice, He was the Foot ball star and Lila the star cheerleader, and it was just teen logic. Lila was the reason. Helga was Arnold's rhyme.

Arnold had wanted Helga since sixth grade maybe before that but he was a maître.__He knew being with Helga would only complicate her already crazy life. He always took a step back every time he needed to be selfish and take a step forward. He remembered that Valentine's Day he wondered what Helga's take was on it.

"_**I waited a while Wolfgang. 30 minutes is a long while to wait for a V-day date. I waited until almost every candle burned to the wick. I have to give you props Wolf you made this old girl cry. Yes, it's true Helga Pataki bleeds and Helga Pataki cries. I cry a lot more than you'd think actually. I was devastated, dealing with the worst way of defining the relationship when he sat next to me; no not Wolfgang either. **_

"_**Arnold? Where's Miss. Country?" That was my code for: Thanks for turning my pitiful Valentine's Day around Football head." **_Arnold's eyes half lidded as he grinned from ear to ear he'd truly thought he'd never hear the nick name again. Here she was calling him a bullying term that had over the years actually morphed into a term of endearment. _**"Whatever you say Helga," That's what he told me. "Is that his catch phrase seriously? It's all the guy ever retorted with. He took a napkin and wiped all the smeared make-up off my face. I flinched I wasn't used to men being gentle with me. Yet, Arnold is always gentle with everyone. He bought me an ice-cream we chattered until the shop closed and he walked me home telling me over and over again how stupid you are Wolfgang for standing a girl like me up. He gave me the confidence recovery that I needed only for you to cut it down in less than ten minutes! You wrapped my hair around your fist and dragged me across the pavement to the alley way behind my house. "Why! I waited for you all night!" I wasn't scared I had worse than whatever you could toss at me happen before. "Listen you aren't going to ruin high school for me! If the juniors find out I didn't bang yea I will be the laughing stalk." You tugged me to my feet like a rag doll. My throat was dry I contemplated screaming for Arnold on the top of my lungs but I knew he was already down the street.**_ A single tear slid down Arnold's flushed cheek. He let it slide into the cushions. He and Helga had a connection that could not be mimicked. He remembered the inexplicable ache to separate from her. Damn you Helga and your stubborn devil may care attitude! Sometimes you need a man to protect you. Arnold had since childhood protected Helga. Why hadn't she called out to him to save her again? He would have rescued her with open arms. Arnold had waited down that street with a raw unexplainable discomfort. He'd waited only to be greeted with the chime of crickets. Arnold had been just a yell away and as he pictured Helga's retelling knowing this stabbed at Arnold almost unbearable!

"_**You know what? I could flip the script real quick. I could get dirty with you right in this dirty alley right now!" You insisted all macho. I couldn't use my voice box but I could still use my throat. I hacked spitting in your face ferociously. You punched me and it hurt." Helga's voice quivered and it was obvious she was crying. It didn't hurt my face but my pride. The fight in me fell to the floor as well. I learned that day that men will always be stronger that they'll always be capable of beating me; That my dad wasn't the only one who could cream me, or would cream me during the duration of my life. **_

_**I clawed at your legs and you slammed your foot into my rib cage. I think my rib cracked even. "I won't cave Wolfgang. If you take advantage of me tonight you better kill me. The first thing I will do if you don't kill me is crawl to the hospital and have them do a kit. "Listen here you little bitch! I'm not going to do anything tonight. Open your mouth to anyone what happened and I will kill who you love." He Looked towards the road and he didn't have to say who it was we both knew who was in danger if I stepped up to Wolfgang. You beat me mercilessly that night Wolfgang. How does it feel though, to know that your spirit is more broken than mine? How does it feel, to know that your shame and your guilt will over whelm you every day you pass people in the hallway and they listened and heard firsthand what you did to me? How does it feel knowing that beating an innocent woman guilty of nothing but a crush on you is only the tip of the ice berg when it comes to your sins? **_

_**Wolfgang you are the type of person who deserves to be smite. You will reappear again in this story you bastard. I promise you will regret what you've done to me and other woman as well. Yes, tragically I said other women. When you look in the mirror Wolfgang I truly am intrigued as to who or rather what you see? Do to our brutal agreement I couldn't say anything the next day at school. I couldn't even convey that I wasn't a slut to my own best friend! You can't even begin to imagine what it's like to go through that! Wolfgang your silent promise to keep me quite is what led to these tapes and your eventual exposure. Sometimes we have such an impact on other people's lives. We can't even fathom the power we have over them. We forget the damage a single sneer can have on a person. We have no business meddling in people's lives and tipping the odds for them; yet, without fail whether intentional or not we meddle. Sometimes, when you cross paths, you should not stop, you should not collect 200 dollars, and you should just pass go! Every cause has its own effect. Your cause Wolfgang had a mighty revolting effect. A hanging slide! You'll see Wolfgang; you'll all see. Until next time Folks! **_

The tape cut off into static. Arnold didn't remove the sound from suffocating his room with discomfort. He didn't move at all. The words from the tape forming their own images and coming to life in his mind's eye. He had been right down the street! Right there! Why didn't he man up? Why hadn't he followed his intuition? He should have turned back and now Wolfgang and Arnold had something in common guilt! He had no desire to listen any further. Arnold threw the pillow over his face and sobbed. Sobbed for her funeral that day, sobbed for lost love, sobbed for the voice inches near but six feet away, and Arnold cried his heart out. Arnold needed to toss reason to the side. For the night Arnold contemplated the rhyme that is grief. Arnold cried himself to sleep that night. This was only the beginning; only one tape! __


	4. Chapter 4

Masquerade Memory

"Sometimes you break your heart in the right way, if you know what I mean."-Gregory D. Roberts

_The music vibrated shaking the ceiling. Rhonda Wellington Lloyd was throwing the biggest rager of the year. Anyone who was someone was there. It was a mansion filled with petticoats and corsets. Beautiful beaded masks concealed hundreds of identities in the spacious party. A petite blonde slinked her way in feeling rather out of place in her Victorian pink and black corset gown. It had taken the girl's entire month's salary and Daddy's guilt money to cover the gown. She matched it with a pink clay mask decorated in pink and black Peacock feathers. She was truly pretty as a picture; yet, she knew she was pretty out of place, inside the picture that was this night's party. _

"_Allow me to escort you to the punch bowl mystery Madame." A smooth charming voice interjected. "Ah, yes with all these feathers it's easy to be blinded and stumble in the bowl instead." She laughed nervously. He was gorgeous; tall, dark, and handsome! His skin was sun kissed; a golden tan, almost as if he were a Greek Sun God, as he extended his hand to her. He had smooth golden cornflower shaded hair. His hair smoothed back like a blonde Greaser kid. He wore a red clay mask that's shape was a masculine match to her pink one. He wore a solid black suit with a red undershirt that clutched at his biceps appraisingly. The stranger was a sexy ten to say the least. She was hesitant to allow this strange boy to lead her around and it was apparent. _

"_Mother insisted never to talk to strangers." She teased flirtatiously the insecurities of who she was masked. She was a far more confident chick knowing that she was unknown to this boy. "Sounds like your mother didn't raise a fool. You can trust me." He promised briskly. She turned to peer up at the blonde boy. He smiled a vibrant grin. His smile was like the first snow fall of winter. He had such a pure clean smile, his entire smile held an undeniable kindness. There was something familiar in his cheeky grin that made her ponder if he was truly a stranger under his mask. "Do you trust me Madame?" He extended his hand once more to offer her. There was a pause of uncertainty and vulnerability in him as he waited for the girl to answer it empowered her in a twisted sort of way. _

"_Yes, I do, which is a response you should not take lightly Sir as it is such a rarity." She took his hand and she could feel the warmth through her long dark glove. He squeezed her hand and the warmth seemed to jolt an electric shock of comfort through her body. "Trust me; you're in good hands my friend." He promised and even the promise seemed familiar from a distant memory. What were memories anyway but imprints of inescapable truths? She pondered the concept bitterly before shoving it to the confines of the back of her brain. She was here tonight not to contemplate but to celebrate surviving freshman year. _

"_I feel like I've met you before who are you?" He asked inquisitive but insistently polite. "The point of a masquerade is not to know Blondie." Both were blonde and beautiful, both witty innovative thinkers, both absorbed in high school cliques of what they should be. It was a high school version of Pride and Prejudice. Their story held a potent dosage of star crossed lovers. Anyone could feel the gravitational pull of love and lust between the two whenever they shared a room. What should they do? There's always repercussions when you're dating in school. They both chose to use the scape goat of the masquerade when in all actuality if pondered it was obvious as to who each of them really were. _

"_Care to dance then?" He breezed through a topic changer. "No not really I'm not much of a dancer." The intimacy she shared with this mystery man was uncomfortable though her heart screamed for more. They were practically nose to nose. The corner of her lip curled into a smirk as she took in the smell of his mouth. His breath smelled of Big Red chewing gum and she wondered if it tasted of it too._

"Come on, just one dance, dance with me." He whispered caressing her ironed curls.

"I can't. I've got two left feet and too right of a mind to enjoy it." She insisted stubborn as always.

"Well, sometimes when life gives a person two left feet they got to shake it off and keep moving. You're so stunning I think even if you stomp all over my feet I'd insist you do it again." He gave her a million dollar grin. The mask gave him the courage to step out of character in a bold flirtatious manner.

"What if I told you there's other things than just dancing that I want to use my body for." She blurted the words before she'd registered them fully in her head. He had such an appealing and seductive nature. He made her skin burn tormenting her as her girlhood trembled. She was beside herself with shame for needing the boy without ever even seeing his face.

"I want you to want me Helga." He hissed tenderly in her ear. She was taken aback how did he see through her disguise? "I've been able to see through you our entire lives your disguises never fooled me when we were nine and as sophomores they still don't." He hissed in her ear and an invisible chill tickled down her spine as he traced small circles down her back with his finger tips.

"Who are you anyway?" She placed her hand on her hip demandingly as she took a step back.

"The point of a masquerade is not to know Blondie." He mimicked her earlier quote.

"Well consider me Nancy Drew who are you?" She persisted irritable.

"Come with me on the roof top and I will reveal my secret Identity." He joked airily.

"If I don't come with you?" She retorted, "Than my identity is for me to know and for you to wonder." He responded non-chalant.

"You hold a tough bargain, but what the heck, why not?" She caved.

_He beamed delighted as he scooped her hand tugging her up the stair well. They climbed up the towering stairs for what seemed like hours to Helga but in actuality was merely maybe five minutes. It was worth the climb and she was glad that mystery man had talked her into it. There was a slightly warm summer breeze and the skyline greeted them with fresh young romance. At the center of the roof was a granddaddy old classical piano. It was an image taken straight off the pages of Helga's favorite Nicholas Sparks novels. _

_She crept stealthy behind the piano her long slender fingers paler than the moonlight that bathed her skin. She'd been playing piano since she was ten and found it to be her only outlet of emotion as her soul withered with age. The piano keys had a way of singing her woes far better than she was capable of speaking them. Her finger tips caressed the edges of the ivory keys as if hesitantly stroking a familiar lover. Gradually she began to play her favorite composition. Without missing a singular note measure she played Chopin "Chopsticks" to herself almost forgetting her silent audience of a single boy. _

"I'm so busy saving everyone else that I have no savior of my own. No one to save me from the emptiness of being a lone wolf. I've never been complete with any other woman Helga. You've always been the one to fill the void even when I didn't realize how deep it was as an orphan child." She knew the boy would have never informed her of his inner heart if it wasn't for his mask and so she let him keep it on a little longer.

"That's deep for a sixteen year old testosterone endowed boy." Her smart ass demeanor winning over her as she stopped playing the piano crawling on top of it. She sat on the hood of the piano relaxed.

"I have a roof top at home and sometimes I just sit up there at night. At school I fit perfect like a leather glove. Yet, I feel like no one gets the inner workings of myself. I feel like a black sheep. What if I just stopped giving into my nature huh? What if I want to be selfish? What if I don't want to feel like the black sheep of society anymore? You know sometimes I wish I were a bird so I could leap off my roof and fly away from it all!" He ranted panting breathlessly.

"I can get that. Instead of flying from society sometimes I wish I could jump out of my window and just fly away from home." She admitted. Why was it easier to bare your soul to someone when expressions were masked? He joined her atop the piano. "We aren't black sheep. We're a mix matched pair that just happen to only fit together. We're a pair of black birds soaring through life lost, until we cross paths again, but as birds always do we fly away from each other until we meet again. Bye; bye black bird." He crooned the last phrase in her ear.

_She laid flat on the piano and he leaned back beside Helga. Quivering she outstretched her fingers lingering on his mask. He did nothing to tug her shaking hands away and steadying her shaking fingers she pulled his mask off. Jade eyes peered analytically at her. Her hand stroked his flushed cheeks as he bit his full bottom lip in taking the air deeply. She wasn't surprised that she had been wooed tonight Arnold Phillip Shortman had always wooed Helga Geraldine Pataki. _

"_Arnold. I never knew you felt this way." Helga was shocked that he could reciprocate her feelings not just romantically but her feelings towards life as well. With controlled masculinity he pulled of Helga's mask tossing it off the roof as if a boomerang but it wouldn't be coming back. They gazed at one another their eyes drinking in every pore and freckle of their faces. Sapphire and Jade eyes glistened gems of a sparkling endearingly strong stone of a remaining love. It was like Romeo and Juliet. They were about to get into a decision that secretly they would never regret. _

"What's love to you?" Arnold demanded of Helga.

"Whatever I want it to be." Helga replied matter-of-factly. "No, seriously what's love." He demanded more earnestly. Her Pacific blue eyes skimmed across Arnold's body taking in every thread of his suit.

"Remember our English assignment?" Helga continued her eyes lingering on Arnold's undershirt. "Yeah write a poem about a color." He nodded waiting for her to continue. "What color did you choose?" Helga asked knowingly. They had all been anonymously entered only the English teacher knew who each one belonged to.

"Blue, because I am lonely incomplete, missing my parents, or in a sense always missing something somehow in my life." She didn't know how they'd ended up crossing paths tonight or ended up on this roof top but she was grateful they had. They needed to vent. Since childhood during rough times they'd always managed to confide in each other.

"I chose red." She didn't say anymore. Her poem had been about her devouring but neglected desire for him. Arnold was silent it was apparent he remembered the poem.

"Love is the color Red. When I look at you Arnold I see Red." Helga whispered as he shook with desire. "Helga can I kiss you?" He asked his hand resting on her cheek. "Yes, Arnold, kiss me." Her dust pan lashes fluttered shut as her plush lips parted awaiting true love's kiss.

_There are some kisses that are of pleasure. Some kisses that are a reassurance of company. Then, there are those once in a life time sort of kisses. There is that one kiss that throughout life will never be duplicated. There's that one kiss that jolts the body to life and lifts the spirit to the sky soaring in delight. That one kiss that frees you from the bondage of gravity lifting you higher in bliss. The one kiss of a lifetime. The kiss of love; the kiss of two souls sharing the secret of true passion. Arnold and Helga shared such a kiss right there on the roof top. The kiss deepened and two young lovers lost themselves in each other with nothing but the stars to witness them from above._

_Helga Pataki lost her virginity that night but gained an experience of forever love. She gained a moment of love that most would offer a thousand deaths just to have if only once. That was Helga's once in a life time night of getting lost in love. She'd never surrender like she'd surrendered to Arnold. She wondered if now he would leave her here barren and exposed on the roof top. _

_He took off his suit jacket draping it over Helga. "Come with me. Stay the night at my house and we can face reality in the morning." Arnold insisted and Helga held his hand scooping up her dress and slipping it on. Together they walked in a comfortable silence swinging their arms with their interlaced hands. He helped her up his fire escape. Once in his room Arnold kindly offered Helga one of his baseball jerseys as a night gown. They wrapped themselves under Arnold's blankets snuggling together. Arnold did not pursue Helga any further. He held on to her tightly as if he was terrified to let go and Helga sighed feeling unadulterated bliss for the first time in her entire life. They fell into a blissful slumber sleeping better than either had ever slept in their entire existence. _

The sun blazed scorching hot. Helga shuffled under the blankets not wanting to face Saturday. She wouldn't mind existing in her Saturday for eternity. She sniffed the humid air and her stomach lurched in hunger. Her nostrils greeted by the scent of freshly baked cinnamon rolls. "Chef Boy RD at your service. Helga's heart skipped a beat. She clamped her eyes tighter forcing them to stay closed. She knew if she opened her eyes the dream would be over.

"You make my heart skip a beat like I was on Cocaine." Helga admitted grinning with her eyes still shut. She felt the bed sink by her feet and finally fluttered her eyes open. "Good morning," Arnold said somewhat chatty. Helga blushed realizing Arnold cooked them a feast from scratch. She'd been exhausted lately and over slept in his bed.

"Uh, Hey, how's it going Football head," she was flushed with embarrassment morphing from rose to crimson in secants. "Whatever you say Helga," His eyes half lidded in amusement. "Thanks, I'm starving!" Helga said jokingly but in all honesty she truly was. Helga hadn't had a meal in a few days. She blushed rubbing her arms self conscious. Had he taken notice to her frailty last night? "Here have my extra one I made plenty." Arnold assured Helga scooping his cinnamon buns on her plate. Helga knew that was Arnold's way of politely acting as if he hadn't taken notice to her thin structure.

They ate in silence for a moment until Arnold noisily cleared his throat. "Helga, will you catch a movie with me tonight." Arnold wasn't as brave as he'd been when his identity had been concealed. "No," Helga repeated blatantly covering her mouth as she chewed. "Fine, Helga let's get a scoop of ice cream and stroll through the park." Whether it was saving the neighborhood, resolving an argument, or swooping up a date; Arnold was always persistent almost to a fault in his endeavors. "No, Arnold." She repeated stubbornly. "Why, give me one good reason!" He challenged his Hunter green eyes spears stabbing into her psyches.

They peered leeringly at each other both chewing and sipping their orange juice refusing to break eye contact. "Alright, I can give you more than one. Try and keep up now hair boy." She reverted to her security blanket of name slinging. "One your dating Goodie Good. Did you forget you have a girlfriend now? Frankly I never saw you as a cheater but the best disguise is false virtue. Secondly, you are a jock and I'm a Goth ever seen that in the movies? No, neither have I, point proven! Thirdly, you are simply not my type." She sneered rudely. He responded my laughing hysterically which completely put Helga out as she fumed.

"What's funny bonehead?" She jeered. He held his sides taking a deep breath as he prepared himself to counter her comments. "One we've only been dating for two days. Yes, I know what I did was wrong but we can break up, besides she likes Wolfgang not me. I know it's unorthodox but it's of convenience; she knows this too. Do you think I would have the mordacity to date both of you? No, definitely not; the last thing I want is to leave a trail of broken hearts behind me. Secondly, movies are fiction. I know your all into poetic justice and have your nose shoved deep in the asses of your romance novel characters but Doll face this is reality. Thirdly, not your type? That's not what you said on the roof top last night." Arnold lashed out from his wounded pride. Helga pulled her arm back smacking him hard across the face.

"How dare you!" Helga hollered. "I know how I dare give you a taste of your own medicine! That's right I'm supposed to bend over and take your crap right? I've been dealing with it since pre-school, but no more, I'm done playing this cat and mouse game with you Helga." He exclaimed and she shrank back she'd never seen him so angry before. Something in her intimidation seemed to hurt him as his eyes softened already apologizing for the words he hadn't verbally taken back. "Helga I'm sorry."He reached for her arm tenderly. Arnold froze as his jersey sleeve went up and the sun exposed the bruises the night sky had buried. At first he said nothing crushing her into his chest embracing her and stroking her blonde locks. Her body convulsed as she began to sob in Arnold's embrace.

"Who did this to you Helga?" Arnold demanded. "Who did what?" She sobbed coyly. "Who's hurting you?" She continued to cry ignoring his demands. Finally she composed herself. "Arnold keeps your nosy nose out my business." She pushed him away. "I don't want to talk to you again. You see me in the hallways keep walking. I have no words for you." Helga got up and bolted for Arnold's door. That's it? After fifteen years that's all you have left to say to me?" Arnold snapped. "Bye; Bye black bird." Helga stated with finality.

_Oh how I wish I could say differently. I wish I could tell you how Arnold chased after her and the made- out as Lila saw and dumped Arnold on the spot. I can't though, this is not a movie, and this is their lives. Life often times does not pan out as we would seek it to. Memories can be dissected piece by piece. Memories can be recalled inch for inch. Memories, however, cannot be relieved and reapplied in different sections. Memories are a frozen moment in time forever lingering in that area of the cosmos; there a memory lingers just as it is for all eternity. This was Helga and Arnold's lifelong haunting memory. Though they would evolve that moment in time would remain primarily mundane. This memory however tragic in its own right was nostalgic for both teens involved. Sometimes we wrongly break our own hearts for right reasons. _

WRITER NOTE

I hope that this little side memory can help you understand the prologue as well as Arnold's dream better. Happy reading Thanks for your loyalties.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 3

The Hurt Locker

Dillinger: "What if we could get out of here altogether? You wanna take that ride with me?"  
Billie: "Yeah, I wanna take that ride with you."

Welcome signs collaged the stained white walls. Arnold stood outside the wide front doors attempting to keep an optimistic disposition. The first day of school was supposed to be a high school clique of excitement and thrust upon popularity for Arnold. He took a deep breath, he would be taking the same Phantom steps Helga had a few months back. Suddenly the white walls and tile floors felt more like a sanitarium than a school. Briskly Arnold took a step forward into senior year leaving junior year behind him.

His ears were berated with the sound of a human hive, the chatter of teenagers escalating in unison; their voices mashing together to form a monotone buzzing. He was clustered, surrounded by a sea of colors as people in different outfits squeezed and shoved one another to get by. So far senior year was surreal to him. He glided across the hallways in a dream like state his head higher in the clouds than average; even for his day dreaming tendencies.

He felt awkward, imprisoned, stupidity would have been bliss. Anything would have been better than the burden of honesty he carried with him. How would he face his classmates as each sin surfaced through Helga's tapes? How many already knew of Arnold's own transgressions before he did? Arnold was a reasonable and kind man; could he consider it suicide verses provoked manslaughter, could he honestly deny accusation amongst those who ought to be persecuted? What was right and what was wrong? The lines were thinning out disappearing in a vapor of injustice.

Arnold was yanked into reality as the hallways hushed in intrigue. High school was systematical; bell rings rush to class; eat lunch with your own categories of people, bell rings rush to class. When someone collapsed the walls of normalcy the entire school as a whole took notice. Phoebe Heyerdahl was a petite studious Asian woman. She was not the type to approach a low life, held back, soon to be drop out like Wolfgang. Yet, her small stature was darting towards Wolfgang at the center of the hallway. The high school universe was tilting on its axis and the student body stared on hushed in shock at what they were about to witness.

Phoebe allowed her text books to tumble down behind her as she chased Wolfgang down. Her raven hair bouncing along with her steps jiggling at her shoulders. She tugged frustrated at her tight baby blue dress. As Phoebe straightened her askew glasses to the bridge of her nose it was apparent that a storm of confrontation was about to hit. Arnold followed from a distance unnoticed ready to strike like a snake hidden in the grass. If needed Arnold would protect his best friend Gerald's girlfriend without breaking a sweat. Whatever happens; happens. If he had to break his vow of non violence let it be on someone as insignificant as Wolfgang.

"Why?" Phoebe's high pitched voice screeched. Wolfgang blinked pretending confusion. Arnold had a begrudging feeling that this had everything to do with Phoebe's long since ex best friend. Had she heard the tapes as well? What did she know? Could she tell Arnold what he'd done to the poor dead girl? There wasn't much time to let his mind wander on the possibilities. "You beat her you bastard; beat her inches from her life! Did you rape her too? Did you!" Phoebe screamed as tears streamed down her cheeks. Wolfgang's eyes drifted across all the frozen confused faces swarming and entrapping the three of them in a circle.

"No, I wanted to punish her not violate her. Let's be honest though, if I really wanted I could have had her. She was like a Chewelah; she had a loud ass bark and a nibble for a bite. Little bitch, that one was." Phoebe flung her hand back leaving a sizzling indented print of her petite little fingers across his face. "Why you little!" Wolfgang hollered grabbing Phoebe by the arms and lifting her tiny body into the air shaking her. It was a Rottweiler shaking a rag doll across the grass in comparison. Though subtle, it was obvious why Helga and Phoebe had gotten along; when push came to shove they shoved back.

Phoebe spit in Wolfgang's face ruefully. "Let go, let go, let go, of me now!" She screeched. Arnold had witnessed enough. Arnold pulled Phoebe by the waist like a sack of Potatoes swinging her over his shoulder. Stealthily Arnold placed Phoebe behind him. At 6'2 and with his brawny body Arnold hid all of her 5'0 stature. "What are you going to do? Huh? Aren't you an annoying pacifist? Wolfgang chuckled. "I know what you did. I think everyone deserves a pass." Wolfgang stopped laughing mistaking Arnold's words. Wolfgang seemed to think Arnold meant Wolfgang deserved a pass; Arnold was excusing himself for what he was about to do.

"This is for her. She'd have never slept with you sleaze ball; she was a gorgeous Goddess, get a grip and know your limitations. Ever talk about her like that again and I will slaughter you with my bare hands." With that Arnold cocked his fist back slamming it brutally over Wolfgang's face. Wolfgang stumbled back but Arnold was blinded by rage the universe blurring into a red haze. "This is for Phoebe or any other woman you've put your filthy grubby hands on! I'm sure you only victimize them because you can't hang with the big boys such as me." With that Arnold gave Wolfgang a cliff hanger hit to the jaw. Wolfgang swayed back and forth lunging to strike Arnold and missing by a long shot. "This last one is for me. Sometimes you have to sever ties consider this an act of vigilance, heroism even. You degrade woman, abuse woman, talk down to them as the weaker. When the only weak one is you. One last thing she had the heart of a Pit bull; the only bitch here is you Wolfgang!" Arnold mustered all his strength striking Wolfgang one last time as he tumbled to the ground.

Wolfgang's friend swooped him off the ground rushing him to the nurse's office. Arnold panted his adrenaline pulsating through his veins. He looked down at his already bruising knuckles stunned with himself. He'd only ever really used the fighting techniques his grandma taught him once or twice never seeking vengeance before. Arnold lowered his head ashamed and unable to face the glares of his peers. Violence was never the answer and Arnold was disgusted with himself; he still took pleasure in his attack on Wolfgang. The outside world was taking a drastic turn for change. If Arnold wasn't careful his personality would also spiral downward towards a pained negative change. He desperately craved the return of simplicity, rhyme, and reason in his life.

"You two in my office now!" Principal Wartz bellowed at Arnold and Phoebe. Arnold obeyed his head held high in false confidence as his peers stared on baffled by the entire scene. Principal Wartz had followed each year to each different school. Arnold hoped against hope that the man wouldn't follow him into university too. "Well I have to admit Mr. Shortman and Ms. Heyerdahl; you're both my top grade students. It's a surprise to see you in my office. Phoebe interlaced her arms sticking her pointed nose in the air, still clearly feeling ornery. Agitated at the injustice of being punished for Wolfgang, even Arnold leaned in his chair putting his hands over his head.

"You both should be expelled." Both students leaned forward straightening up in their chairs. "Instead I'm going to suspend you and on your permanent records it will say you're sick. I would let you both stay but I have to have a back bone with the rest of the student body. I'm going to miss my star students over the next three days." He failed to leave them any room to speak out in disagreement. "I want you both to clean out Ms. Pataki's locker here is her combination. When you are done take it to Ms. Pataki's house. You are to pack your bags and leave this campus as soon as you are done. You may leave my office now." Mr. Wartz instructed handing a scribble of Helga's locker combination.

They awkwardly shuffled to Helga's locker side by side. Besides for being a third wheel during dates on occasion Arnold didn't hang out with Phoebe much. She and Helga hadn't even talked to each other in over a year. They both peered towering over Helga's locker. "Ready?" Arnold asked Phoebe, "Yes," She reassured him. He pondered what dark emotional turmoil's were shoved in her locker. The contents in her locker were the opposite of sad.

She had decorated the inside of her locker with pink and black zebra print. The door covered in a collage of photos. Photos throughout the years of the entire P.S.118 gang blended on her door. One picture was a group photo of her and all the girls from P.S. 118 even Arnold's ex girlfriend Lila Sawyer. In another were Helga and Arnold in Junior high. Helga held a Baseball glove at the curve of her waist wearing a tight pink baseball outfit. It had been the summer after they both hit puberty. With Arnold in a blue baseball outfit, bat hanging over his shoulder, they appeared to be the perfect blonde sporty couple. In the corner was a trim that red best friends forever; with Helga wrapping her arms over Phoebe as Phoebe sat getting ready to blow candles off a birthday cake.

Phoebe gracefully took the tape off the locker holding the picture to her heart as tears rolled down her cheeks. "That was my fifteenth birthday. Helga made that cake, took her all night to put together the entire surprise party." Phoebe sniffed. "She had a hard head; she had a soft heart to match it." Phoebe insisted to Arnold as Arnold pocketed his own photograph. "I can't do this I'm so sorry Arnold." Phoebe made to exit but Arnold gently tugged her back.

"Phoebe I have the tapes. I know why you went after Wolfgang. Why are you and I on those tapes? You're smart whose circulating these tapes. Maybe Helga's sending the tapes out. Her body wasn't found Phoebe she's still alive we can find her Phoebe!" In his enthusiasm he shook her slightly. "I'm sorry it isn't plausible. Helga is dead Arnold she jumped off a building and killed herself. There may have been no body at that funeral but she was there; her memory was buried there. I am uncertain who is circulating those tapes, whoever they are Helga took great care to protect their identity." Phoebe began to wander down the hallway freezing half way down glancing turning to face Arnold.

"Let old dogs' lye. Listen to those tapes Arnold than pass them on. Let her go, because if you don't you'll spend the rest of your life consumed in grief. Helga was fun, charisma, energy. Live your life the way she once lived her own. Bye, Arnold." With that Phoebe turned on her heels and rushed out of the school leaving Arnold to clean out the remainder of her locker alone. How could he let her go when she surrounded every inch of his daily life. How could he ignore Helga's lingering presence when he heard her voice at night? She could say a million times through those tapes and emptying lockers that she was dead but until he saw a body he refused to believe.

In the far off corner was a box of handwritten notes. Arnold scrolled through a lifetime worth of notes. Some from; Rhonda, Nadine, and Sheena, others from Lila and Phoebe. Even a clutter of notes from Gerald, Harold, Stinky, and Sid. Residing in the back of the box was a tattered folded note. It was crinkled from years of refolding. Arnold picked it up opening it carefully. The ink was smudged slightly from age. He recognized the writing as his own penmanship at once.

**Helga Dearest,**

**I am not one who expresses themselves poetically but I will do my best dearest. The sand man brings me dreams of you when I rest my head at night. When I awake my day dreams are captured solely of you. That night under the stars is not enough for me. I want all of you always for everyday. I know we're sixteen but a love like ours is everlasting. I never believed in reincarnation that was until you. I believe we've been here many times and every time we are together. Why mess with a remedy that blends so well for us? Maybe last time we were bird, maybe we flew south together. Let's leave Hillwood I've saved money since I was ten to go to San Lorenzo. Love is sacrifice. When you love someone you would sacrifice your soul or anything else. Helga during winter break I have the money to run away. Runaway with me Helga! We'll go to Brazil and start a new life. Maybe we could run to Paris and see the Eifel Tower. Or live by the London Bridge. All you have to do is say yes; say you'll catch that plane flight with me. **

**Love you,**

**Arnold **

Arnold knew what the last part would read and he was scared to look. Underneath his signature he had placed two boxes to check. One box was yes the other no and underneath room for an explanation. She had carried out her life as if Arnold had never placed the message in her locker. Was his heart tough enough to read the box checked no? He wasn't quite sure. Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought him back. Arnold's eyes darted to the check boxes and he was surprised to see what was written.

_**Arnold my love,**_

_**If you're a bird than I'm a bird. If you're flying south this winter than so am I. I would chase you to the ends of Earth and back again. We will always be together one way or another. Life does not bind us we are a forever kind of love. My answer is yes; yes football head! Yes if we can get away from all this I will travel with you where ever you want to go. I would blindly follow you. Arnold I love you. You are all that I love. Yes. **_

_**Love Always,**_

_**Helga **_

Grief washed down wave after wave. Arnold punched the locker with all his force more aggressively than when he had striked Wolfgang. Tears crashed against the tile floors leaving puddles in the dirt of the white floor. He tucked the note in his team jacket scooping up the notes. His emotions so estranged that he could not register which ones he was feeling. He was feeling betrayed. Helga had never given the note back she'd led Arnold to believe she never loved him. How could she lie about love? Arnold was betrayed.

He'd left everything in the locker behind after locking it. He lay on his bed now readying to press play on the second tape. He supposed he couldn't feel any more pain than now. Numbly he pressed play.

"_It's ever so nice to have one last conversation with you. However one-sided it may be." _Helga's voice flooded through his surround sound. _"Hello Ms. Country. How have you been Lila Sawyer?" _

_**TO BE CONTINUED **_


	6. Chapter 6

WRITER'S NOTE

Thank you all for your support you make this story continue thriving. I enjoy entering posts for all of you and thank you for your loyalties. WARNING: This story is dark/ angst for a reason it is going to get a lot more dark from here on out guys. If you can't hack it I suggest leave now because this is where our plot begins to take its twists and turns for our audience. I promise you my chapters are only getting deeper and better but I had to forewarn about the mature content ahead so proceed with caution. I am working two jobs and trying to go to school I've been very busy but this story craves to be told; as long as I have a strong fan base I will stay dedicated to regular posts.

Chapter 5

"There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil things and those who see evil things and don't try to stop it." –Janis

"_It's ever so nice to have one last conversation with you. However one-sided it may be." _Helga's voice flooded through his surround sound sickly sweet. _"Hello Ms. Country. How have you been Lila Sawyer?" _ Arnold was taken aback. Lila was a kind hearted girl who wouldn't even hurt a fly. How had she linked into Helga's very own suicide hotline?

"_Lila, Lila, Lila, why can't the crowd get enough of you? Doy, you're such a dolt! It must be hard to have the town propping you on such a high pedestal. This segment is going to be a fall from grace for you. Before we begin Lila I want you to know something; even with our differences I loved you. No, really Lila I did we grew up together you were my childhood friend." _ Helga put heavy empathies on the words loved and were. Arnold wasn't romantically inclined towards Lila but he did have a soft spot for the red head. It was hard to believe the girl would wrong anyone let alone her old friend.

"_Irony, can you tell me the definition of irony? No? Irony: noun; __The expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect." _ Arnold had no inkling of where Helga was going with all this, but, as Helga always would he was sure she'd make a point. _"With that being explained I say sincerely the irony in our relations is what ruined our friendship. Do you remember Lila that school play so long ago? I do, it was the trust that you honored in giving me the part to that performance as Juliet that built our bond." _Arnold's ears perked up as he remembered Lila backing out and Helga kissing him awkwardly for far too long.

"_It was obvious to everyone except Arnold that I had a kid crush at the time. Still you promised not to tell and confirm it. You promised to keep my secret and give me the part all I had to do was confess. Confession is good for the soul isn't it? That's why I'm confessing to you once more Lila. I may be confessing, but goody good, I suggest you keep your confessions for church_." Always sarcastic. Helga was forever a smart ass even in the afterlife. Still Arnold waited patiently knowing Helga's style. Helga was building up her story for a big climax. He knew it was going to be interesting considering the whole town felt as if Lila could do no wrong.

"_The irony being that we both had the boy that the other girl wanted. The problem being that we couldn't exactly boyfriend swap. Remember how silly it was in fourth grade Lila? Remember how Arnie wanted me and Arnold wanted you? Remember how really we wanted the opposite for ourselves? I think it's just a bad toss of the dice personally. What are the odds of us both being forever doomed to want what the other has? Can you all guess where I'm going with this hmm? Ding, ding, and ding twenty points for all being only half dim witted guessers. Lila Sawyer the saint of Hillwood wanted nothing more than to shack up with the devious Wolfgang!" _ Arnold rolled his eyes at how dramatic Helga made it sound. Of course it was obvious even to him that his girlfriend was cheating and secretly loved Wolfgang. He just wished Helga would have said it when she was alive so everyone would have been with whom they truly belonged to.

"_Lila you sold me out faster than Judas did Jesus! How could you betray me Lila? I know this is going to be embarrassing for both parties to admit but we were lovers for Pete's sake the summer before. Don't you remember sharing our deepest secrets by the camp lake? Sharing cigarettes by the fire as we tried them for the first time? A nasty habit that we both kicked by the end of camp. We were growing into our selves and experimenting. I guess since I won't live that long; I can best compare you and that summer to what would have been my college experimentation." _ Arnold's nose scrunched grossed out. A girl had a piece of his woman before he did. Lila who was so innocent at that? Helga was right this would be a falling from grace for Lila. He was repulsed to hear it all and mostly discomforted because he wasn't sure if he thought it was morally wrong or was simply just jealous!

"_Oh calm down all you bigots and hold on to your knickers. All we ever did was kiss each other. Young girls shouldn't listen to Kiss FM so much all that pop music poisons the brain. Katy Perry's song Kissed a Girl was probably the sole cause for Lila and I's entire summer before Sophomore year. If anything all it did was lead us to be very good friends' just friends; or so I thought." _ Arnold shook his head still disapproving any one besides himself ever having physical contact with Helga. _"Besides we were both hopelessly in love with two very different boys. So Lila, when you said yes to Arnold you left me no choice but to oblige Wolfgang." _ Helga laughed snide. Arnold could picture her scowling pleased to be putting Lila under persecution. His lips turned disapprovingly into a frown as if Helga would see his distaste and stop.

"_You approached me your face fire engine red. Your face was redder than your ginger roots." you snapped,_

"_How could you do this to me Helga? You know I like Wolfgang ever so much! You knew before Arnold he and I were hooking up. He's my first Helga; I love him why would you do this to me!" You screeched. Your voice was always like medicine terrible to my ears. Medicine is sickly sweet to taste as you swallow it down; so is your voice. _

"_Do what to you Ms. Country? If you mean sleep with him I didn't Lila! I would never do that to you. I am so sorry but I have to tell you. Lila I lost my virginity to Arnold this weekend." I couldn't even look you in the eye dealing with all that remorse for hurting a friend. You wouldn't know what it means to feel guilt though would you Lila?_

"_You Hussy! First my lover now my boyfriend!" You about damn near slapped me across the face but as always you immediately composed yourself. We were in the middle of the school courtyard anyone could take notice if our conversation took too many wrong turns. _

"_Oh Helga I'm ever so sorry that was just simply rude of me to say." You scurried to collect collateral damage and fast. "Lila I care about you but we can't keep doing this. Fuck our reputations Lila! Come clean and hope for the best. I need to just ditch Wolfgang and you dump Arnold. We can hope for the best and finally start fresh. Maybe if we're finally single we'll couple up with who we really want." In one ear and out the other with this one guys let me tell you. She didn't listen to a word I said to her. _

"_I'm ever so sorry Helga. You're right. I'm going to tell Wolfgang I love him. I'll break up with Arnold. We can put these boy problems behind us and stay friends forever I'd really like that." You beamed at me but your smile was disheartening. When you lie Lila your wisdom teeth show. I learned that about you the hard way."_ Arnold cringed wishing he didn't have such a vivid imagination. He could picture Lila's deceiving grin wider than the Chasier cat. What had Lila done to punish Helga? When would guilt stop weighing heavy sand bags on Arnold? Had he not betrayed the morality of his relationship Lila would not have had reason to seek vengeance against Helga? Arnold was the worst kind of evil because he harmed with lack of awareness!

"_All we girls had a system. Every weekend we each hung out separately with each other. Than once we'd come full circle we'd go out to ice cream as a whole group. You and I were the last two every month to hang out just be for it was time for the parlor. We had a slumber party scheduled at your house; no one ever came over to my house, ever. You canceled on me for the first time and I was suspicious that you hadn't taken the news so well after all. In fact that Sunday you weren't at church. You should have been there. If you had been maybe things would have been different. Everything happened as it was meant to be though." _ Arnold was taken aback they all went to the same church but he'd never seen Helga as religious. He remembered the bible in her locker now. She'd had hundreds of scriptures highlighted in pink. So many things he'd never known about her. He'd tried to break her protective armor and hadn't even dented it.

"_Lila I want to read a verse from that Sunday that stuck with me to you. It reads: Luke 22:47 __And while he yet spake, behold a multitude, and he that was called Judas, one of the twelve, went before them, and drew near unto Jesus to kiss him. Luke 22:48 But Jesus said unto him, Judas, betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss?__" _Helga gasped a heaving noise and Arnold knew she was repressing the urge to sob. Arnold was uncertain how to handle the depths Helga shared. Maybe she had hidden herself because she had too many depths to bare. Arnold could barely bare the pain that was his lost lover's daily life.

"_I memorized the quote in my brain it repeating over and over again all night long. I couldn't sleep it had absorbed in my brain so consuming. There's that word again; irony, irony that Judas was one of the twelve and you are one of the twelve in my own personal story._

_I readied myself for school that Monday weak your smile toxic ting any thoughts that weren't that scripture. I dreaded Monday more than the average dread of it. I had good reason. As I walked to school a group of Juniors splashed me with their corvette. They soaked my entire outfit. They screamed profanities at me Lila as they drove away. I didn't understand but I clutched my grey beanie tightly in my palms and kept walking. I got to the front of the school and a group of kids tossed stones at me. They also called me profanities Lila." _Arnold winced as he relieved that day not through his own eyes but Helga's. He'd felt sympathy the day the entire campus ousted Helga. The rumors going from she'd slept with Wolfgang to she'd had a group session with all his friends single or not. A lot of girlfriends and people alike were pissed to hear those things. Arnold had wondered why everyone so easily believed it; now he understood. Everyone believed it because it came from Lila Sawyer and Lila Sawyer could do no wrong.

"_I entered the hall and people I'd never met shoved and pushed me as they walked past. Some people kicked me even. I was confused but I continued through the line of fire searching for all my friends; searching for you. I finally found the group you were all whispering amongst each other. As soon as you noticed me approaching it fell silent in the group. They say secrets don't make friends; friends make secrets though, don't they Lila? If anyone knows about secrets it is you. _

_I stood there dumbfounded by my day and the day only grew in its irony to my thoughts the night before. Kisses in dream journals are often linked to subconscious inklings of betrayal. They say if you dream of being kissed often it means that you are about to be betrayed. Even in biblical times a kiss had transcended into betrayal. Such an intimate physical motion it's a shame it can predispose such tragedy. Do you remember Lila? Do you remember our last kiss? I do, you approached me as our group and other people circled around us in anticipation. You looked at me honey colored eyes soaking in my sulking sapphire shaded eyes. _

_Tilting your head to the side and leaning in to whisper. "I'm sorry Helga. Nothing personal, I just couldn't let you keep on the way that you were going. Consider this correcting your behavior with Wolfgang. It's corporal disciplinary action. If I can't have him I'm ever so certain you won't Helga doll." With that you peered into my eyes and ever so gently you pecked my lips. The contact was brief but after that kiss you walked away. I tried to chase after you but people kept pushing me back. Eventually I got in a fight with one of Wolfgang's friend's broads and suspended. I shouldn't have fought that part is my fault but I had more than just my reputation to protect." _

Arnold's eyes flung open he didn't want to visualize it or listen to it anymore. How could Lila be so deceptive and heartless; to a friend of all people? Girls could be just downright cruel over crushes. Had it been boys they'd have merely swapped girls, however wrong that was it was nowhere near as wrong as all of this. Helga had suffered through high school over a jealous lie! Arnold didn't want to listen anymore but he had no choice after this he had eleven more to go! How bad could it get? Arnold berated himself for even asking. Whenever you ask how much worse it can get; something happens it gets worse!

"_Jealousy is one heck of an emotion. It is the deadliest of sins if you ask me. No one's asking me? Well my two cents my ten cents is free; this is my confessional I'll speak freely. There are seven Deadly Sins they are: Pride, Sloth, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Wrath, and Envy. The last three have always tainted our friendship. I am just as guilty as you my dear. I still remember as a kid plotting to drawn you in the tunnel of love at the Cheese Festival. You see I was greedy for my childish crush, lustful to be in your position, and envious that he had asked you to the carnival instead. So yes, I am guilty too Lila. I was a child with just as childish schemes. You were much different though. You were a young woman; Greedy to bite off more than you could chew, with two boyfriends, one being nice the other naughty. One is sufficient two is just being lusty; especially with the boys most desired on campus. Wrathful to have to choose only one thanks to me, and envious of the blonde who snuck up and took the one thing you wanted."_

"_Lusty Lila; I want you to know that what you did almost caused the loss of a life." _Arnold was confused wasn't that the point of all this; the point being to get Lila to understand how she had caused Helga to kill herself? Arnold was lost in translation even in death and her explaining what makes her tick he didn't understand Helga.

"_I won't get into detail because as I said Lila friend's make secrets. I guess there's one thing I will take with me to the grave one final secret. After what you did Lila, doing it well knowing what you knew, the least you can do is keep your fat trap shut. You owe me not to scandalize as deeply as betrayal after the burial! You need to know that your jealous lies about Wolfgang and I followed and tormented me for years. Your betrayal left a withering crack in the confines of my heart. I never trusted anyone again after that. Your little white lie is what darkened my already bleak world. Once we lie there's no taking it back; it ebbs and flows a dark ink until it chokes out all clarity. Your lie is what sent Wolfgang after me in the first place. A thousand people influenced and manipulated by one little old country town girl."_

"_For what it is worth Lila I forgive you. No strings attached. No fine print to read just a simple acceptance and forgiveness. I know what it is to have jealousy course critically in your veins. I know what it is when envy cannot remain in the confines of your veins. When your pulse hammers in anxiety to know what the other person is thinking of your rival; Lila I know this feeling. I know how difficult it is to neglect harsh feelings and sometimes we are compelled to do otherwise than merely ignore. No one is perfect we all must learn from trial and error. I hope you and I can both learn from our poor choices towards each other. That we can take this life lesson and become better people. People who can repress our hormones from destroying others and corrupting ourselves. You are a good person Lila you just made a mistake. Learn from your mistakes. Just as much as you needed to fully understand what you did to me you needed to understand as the tapes continue that I don't blame you completely Lila. Lila I love you and I forgave you a long time ago. Resentment, hostility, vengeance, these emotions only serves to make you suffer not others. Lila from the deepest confines of my heart you are forgiven by me." _

Lila's tape was brief cutting off there. Arnold refused to believe it was a suicide somehow Helga was murdered. How had Phoebe known Helga jumped off a building the tapes? What did Lila know? The tapes weren't about what people had done or what Arnold did. He looked at it as evidence these tapes were evidence of how Helga had spent the last bit of her life. Arnold would listen with new ears. He was going to discover the truth about what happened to Helga. All her "friends" were going to put an end to their secretive shit. Phoebe would evaluate what exactly she knew; Lila was going to fork up what she knew too. If anyone refused Arnold what he needed to know than he'd just dish out the tapes to the public himself.

He went back to the note box he took home with him. Under the folded notes were notebooks one full of scriptures, poems, and personal enlightenment. The other was a diary Arnold assumed it was from when Helga disappeared at the beginning of sophomore year. Arnold folded the back of the book reading the first page it fell open to. Anything to focus off those treacherous tapes.

**It's a winter wonderland. The snow blanketing the Earth is pure powder bliss. As Arnold and I walk together hand in hand I try and stuff down my horror. From the corner of my eye I can see the dark shadow following me. Forever lingering right behind me. I'm trapped because I know soon enough it will catch me; the shadow will consume me. Why won't it stop following me? I'm scared it will catch me before Arnold and I can escape this tinsel town. Some monsters are not what we anticipate. Sometimes monsters are far worse than the Boogie man tickling your toes under the bed…..**


	7. Chapter 7

WINTER WONDERLAND

HELGA'S POINT OF VIEW OF THE PAST (Diary Entry)

I'm thankful it's winter. The chilled weather gives me an excuse to bundle up the bump under my stretchy skinny jeans. I'm still petite but I know I can't keep my secret for too long. Bob and Miriam say I am not to keep what is rightfully mine, what they shouldn't take from me. They want to ship me south of the state to an all girl's school until I'm rid of my dirty little secret. To me this isn't a dirty little secret; to me this is my unborn child.

I'm going to come clean to the only one this situation concerns. I'm ready to run away now. I'm going to give Arnold my note today and we'll run away together. I already imagine us strolling through springtime France with a classic baby carriage. All my woes only a flight away from being behind me. Maybe my bleak sadness has been meaningless? Maybe there are such things as silver linings. In my heart of hearts I know if there was such a thing I would find it with Arnold.

I opt to look my best today. Wearing a pink hoodie. I even iron curl my platinum strands. My eyeliner is a heavy black extenuating my orb like blue eyes. As I add a dash of pink lip balm I actually feel pretty. Pregnancy as given me a glow. My face is fuller and instead of looking pregnant for the first time, instead, I look healthy. I don't look like a walking skeleton I'm even cheery enough to wear my pink bow wrapped familiarly across my head. Carefully I lay my drumsticks back by my drum set. I play the piano when I'm depressed; when I'm happy I play the drums, I played the drums for three hours. Today is going to be a good day I feel it. Happily ever after starts today.

I look out the window and beam in bliss. The snow is fresh and a pure powder white. The snow blankets the ground perfect except where Arnold's footprints indent it. He is grinning back at me his muscular arm waving for me to hurry and join him outside. I hope our baby has his wide warm tender smile. I race down the stairs and no one notices I'm leaving. My dad's face is plastered to the big screen and mom is too busy making a cocktail to notice either. They have some nerve telling me not to be a parent. If there were testing on parenthood; my parents would flunk twice over.

"Arnold!" I exclaim excited as I wrap my arms around him. He is taken aback by my sudden enthusiasm it's been a while since he's seen me happy. He lifts me in the air twirling me. I tilt my head back in a fit of laughter the note pressing against my chest safe in the confines of my bra.

He's stunning I can barely stand his masculine beauty. He wears a blue snow cap and matching plaid jacket. Even with his coat on his clean cut muscles are extenuated. His cornflower hair wraps around his hat wild and untamable. He consistently has tasseled sex hair and I adore it. His Emerald eyes glare intently at me hardened jewels. He is still smiling and two dimples indent his perfect cream complexion. His cheeks are a soft rose from the chilled air as well as his long nose. I put my finger on his button nose returning his smile I hope our baby has his nose too. I am happy just standing next to him.

"Helga you're so beautiful!" His eye lids hood in desire and my cheeks are aflame at his admiration.

"So love has blinded you then Arnold." I chuckle as his slender finger tentatively tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

"No," He pauses drinking in my every facial expression; "Love has brought my vision clarity you are beautiful." He assures me.

"Or perhaps I am beautiful because you love me." I reason and he shakes his head snow scattering off his jacket to flutter back to the ground. I laugh as he wags his head back and forth like a love sick puppy.

"No, don't you see? You are beautiful because I love you." He gives me a look that makes me quiver in my Nancy Spumoni boots. I had confessed my Christmas tale of sacrificing the boots to Arnold a few weeks back and shortly after a secret admirer left them at my door with a dozen roses. I had a pretty good idea who my admirer was.

What would you like to do?" Arnold breathes as both our cheeks blush. There is an undeniable electrical current of desire between us. I felt like Gone with the Wind, The Notebook, or Casablanca; we were an epic love story, only better because God had written our script, so I knew it was better than the classics. "I'm starve'n like Marvin!" I tease and my stomach growls as if to assist me in assurance to my hunger. "Then let's make like a tree and leave." Arnold jokes and we laugh together about the corniness of it all. "Beauty, before age;" He says sticking out his arm for me to take as he takes the side of the pavement facing all the cars.

"My birthday is in April and yours was back in October I'm older and wiser too." I add elbowing him playfully. He tickles me and I kick him lightly. "That's it!" he says tough but his playfulness gives him away. He snatches me up in a Bridal position and keeps me there. I would very much enjoy being Mrs. Shortman and so I allow him to carry me this way until we reach the café.

The street looks like a Hallmark card in this tiny town and it's rather appealing to the eyes. Carolers sing "Jingle Bells" outside the small café heightening the Christmas spirit even though it's only the end of November. Arnold opens the door for me being the gentleman that he is. We step inside the small café and the sweet aroma of peppermints encircles the small area. It reminds me of his breath and I instantly find the smell soothing.

"Arnold, I need to talk to you." I insist as he pulls my chair out for me to sit.

"Okay," He says okay hesitantly and cautiously Arnold is always cautious though so I pay no mind.

"Arnold I'm- Arnold I," I can't finish the sentence! I can't say it! I can't verbally admit that I'm pregnant and my throat closes off. I feel the oxygen escaping me fluttering away to fuel his lungs as my love exasperates nervously anticipating what I'll say. I realize that he doesn't expect me to be with child he thinks this is about his note to run away; which partially I suppose it is.

"Helga, runaway with me; it's as simple as hopping the next train." He insists tossing his snow cap on the table to run his fingers nervously through his hair.

"No, there's something important I need to tell you and it can't wait like the letter can." I persist determined.

"What's so damn important that you can't tell me it on the train tonight?" His blonde brow rises stubbornly.

"Arnold I-"I never thought I was such a pussy I think to myself. Spit it out old girl! Just say it! Why can I never admit what I feel to Arnold ever? I'm scared, what if he doesn't want this baby either just like my parents? Than what will I do? Where will we go? Where will be our home? If I had to I'd find a way to run without Arnold just me and my baby. I wonder how much longer before Lila tells him? I have to tell him before Lila does. Lila is the only one who knows. She'd put two and two together; she'd thought the baby was Wolfgang's, that's when I told her the truth about Arnold, which started all the school madness. My mind was trailing off topic; topics being spill the beans girl!

Out of the corner of my eye watching in the shadows of the café is a looming figure. I know it very well this figure has followed me almost my entire life stalking in the shadows. I'm scared because I know they're angry to find me with Arnold. From the corner of my eye I can see the dark shadow following me. Forever lingering right behind me. I'm trapped because I know soon enough it will catch me; the shadow will consume me. Why won't it stop following me? I'm scared it will catch me before Arnold and I can escape this tinsel town. Some monsters are not what we anticipate. Sometimes monsters are far worse than the Boogie man tickling your toes under the bed. My announcement would have to wait we needed to leave and fast.

"Arnold, I'm really not hungry anymore let's leave, now!"

"Helga I already paid." He retorted and I could hear his large converse tapping annoyed on the aluminum tile.

"I'm not hungry Arnold. I'm leaving." I respond not challenging but stating the obvious.

I get up beginning to leave I count in my head as I've always counted since we were children.

1…2…3...

"Helga waits up!" I snicker to myself as I spin on my heels outside the door of the café. We're alone again the lingering third party still stuck in the café. It's happy again the world washed in a thick whirl wind of brightness. The snow sets a heavenly tone. I was never much for religion but with all that has happened to me the past few years faith has been the difference in death for me. I smirk lifting my hand out to Arnold and as always he hesitates grins his wide toothy grin; his eyes glaze and half lid, than he wraps his hand all the way around mine.

"The weather outside is frightful but the fire is so delightful," Arnold sings more so to himself than me and it's right on key.

"But if we no place to go; Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!" I sing the rest of the chorus and Arnold scraps snow off a tree branch splashing my coat with it. We laugh and enter a snowball fight. I'm competitive making my snowballs a little rougher; Arnold as always treats me as delicate with snowballs far weaker than what he's really capable of. He wraps me in his arms pulling me on top of him as we lay in a pile of snow somewhere in the city park.

"What to do with a problem like Helga." He teases yanking at one of my curls as the rest tumble to tickle his strong jaw line. I wonder if a day will come that he won't woo me so much. After almost fourteen years of wooing I doubt it.

"Oh, I'm the spice you need in your bland goodie good life. I'm the walk on the dangerous side of the tracks. I'm the alley that grams says to avoid but you can't help but peek what lurks in that alley way." I hiss in his ear seductively.

He pats my butt playfully. "You're the naughty to my nice." He hisses back and shivers tingle an entanglement of nerves.

"What a seasonal comeback." I taunt.

"A little lump of coal would be worth a lot of naughty times with you." He whispers running his fingers through my hair and resting them on the back of my head.

"Oh, kiss me you big lug!" I say tugging his shirt to bring him closer to me. I press my lips to his and his Jade eyes widen in surprise but all the same his mouth responds enthusiastically.

Our kiss was an expression of two souls sharing the most ultimate secret. Our tongues tangled together in a dance sharing the secret that was the emotion of our love. That kiss meant more to me than any other experience in my life. It was a kiss that changed the very way you looked at one another after. It was a fairytale kiss the kind you want to tell to your grandkids on a rocking chair on the porch holding hands; as they're youthful eyes look on with hopes of finding that kind of love for themselves. I felt a jab in my belly, Grandkids; kids. Kids! I had to tell Arnold the truth!

"Baby sister." My head snapped up my nostrils began burning from the deep breath of freezing air. "Olga?" I was stunned. She pulled me up out from Arnold's arms I was startled by her strength. "Come baby sister there is much to be arranged and such little time." She put her hand on my stomach and Arnold stared stunned and confused. I knew at once that Olga was referring to our baby but Arnold was naive. "Good bye Arnold," Olga announced her eyes narrowed over protectively after all he was the boy who stole her baby sister's innocence.

"See you Olga." He stared intently as he reached out to me his hand stroking my cheek.

"See you tonight." He hissed in my ear as Olga stomped her feet a little ways ahead of me.

I felt his hand enter my jean pocket from behind and my cheeks burned scarlet. "Now is not the time to be a little pervert." I scolded pushing Arnold away slightly.

"No Helga, I put the train ticket in your pocket. Whatever you needed to tell me earlier can wait just tell me on the train." I went to argue but he put his index finger to my lip hushing me.

"The train." He insisted determined.

"Bye, Arnold." I sighed swooning as he kissed my cheek lovingly. I wanted to shout to the skies that I was in love with him and that I adored our soon to be family. Instead I held my tongue and told him nothing. Nothing but goodbye. It would be a long goodbye even after we crossed paths it would remain the last goodbye nearly. I didn't catch that train. The train of change rode with a city boy on the midnight train going anywhere but towards hope. I never told Arnold about the baby; I say the, because the choice for it to be our baby was taken from me.

5 MONTHS LATER

The pain wracked sinister through my body. It was as if every nerve ending was punishing me in spite for the one night of pleasure that led me here. I screamed as Olga pressed a cool cloth to my head. I was tormented I would much rather have every bone fractured in my body continuously than suffer as I was suffering now. The sufferance was worthwhile. After five months of isolation and being treated like a breeding cow I was finally going to reap the reward; the fruit of my labor. Aden Arnold was entering the world on May 24th.

"Push!" My mother encouraged.

"Push baby sister push!" My sister demanded with pep.

"I see blonde hairs!" The doctor announced and I wailed with joy as my father brooded in the back.

"Push!" The whole room exclaimed and I obliged. With all the remaining strength I could muster I gave one last heaving push!

A melody I had never heard before enchanted my ears. My son was alive, healthy, crying, and finally here. The doctor instantly handed Aden to me wrapped in a blue swaddle. He was a beautiful boy and I cried sobbing tears of joy. I did not know how to contain my joy for I had never known such happiness until I laid eyes on my new born son. Finally I had someone to give my unconditional love to who would do nothing more than receive it.

He was hushed as soon as he rested in my arms. My own pair of eyes stared back at me a deep ocean pool. I smiled wide and with pride. Just as I had hoped he had Arnold's long button nose. He was the perfect blend of our physical features. I had never laid eyes on anything more immaculate before.

Aden Arnold my darling!" I exclaimed kissing his rosy lips in delight.

"He's perfect baby sister." Olga mused as Miriam wiped her tears away.

I was yanked to reality as my last ray of sunshine clouded over. Bob ripped Aden from my arms. "You are seventeen; unfit at your age to be a mother you can't handle it. As your guardian I've already signed the papers. His family is waiting for him downstairs. You can't keep him." Bob said with authority ignoring the look of murder in my eyes.

"He's mine you can't take him!" I holler and the rest of our party looks on with sympathy. I stand up ripping the ivies from my arms standing on my shaky feet. My blood stains the white sheets and tiles. Bob turns away as Aden whales for his Momma; for Helga, for me!

"Daddy please don't do this!" Bob freezes his back still turned to me. I am astonished myself. I hadn't called Bob daddy since; well, I couldn't ever remember even as a toddler calling Bob that term. It was a term I used in one last desperate plea that he not tarnish the last thing he hadn't destroyed of my existence. Aden was my life line he was taking my last shred of hope, my last reason to fight to live. Bob sighed and continued exiting out the door.

"Daddy, don't do this! Daddy please! Mom stop him!" Miriam stared at the floor in shame refusing to override Bob in order to preserve her later. I began to attempted to run blood gushing everywhere as Olga yanked me back pinning me to the bed.

"Don't you see baby sister? With that family Aden will never know pain; he won't have to suffer in the thousands of different ways we did growing up. The greatest gift of love you can give Aden is letting him go. He's truly yours Helga and he'll come back to you someday; but today you need to be strong and let him go." Olga said tenderly rubbing at my hair.

I punched, screamed, sobbed, but it was of no use. Aden was gone taken right from my arms. Olga was wrong he never did come back to me. I never did see him again. That was the last time I ever saw Aden Arnold. It was the last time I ever had a glimpse of hope either. Bob took the best part of me with him that day and I was never one to even consider the glass as half full ever again.

Arnold closed the book and proceeded to toss it against the wall. Arnold even in adversity could look at the bright side but not now. Arnold's heart shattered and collapsed to the carpet. In dismay he wailed slamming his fists where ever they would go. His fists were bleeding and for once Arnold allowed himself to deconstruct. This diary entry would change the course of his life. The life and death of Helga would have to remain a mystery for now. Arnold had to put his whole existence as well as Helga's on hold; because Arnold had the mystery of his son, Arnold had Aden to find, and he would do so in the next few days.


	8. Chapter 8

WRITER'S NOTE: I hope this will explain to you where Helga was in the prologue as much as it may answer my goal honestly is to leave you with more. Make no mistake I've known from the start who number 13 is. I know what's going to happen and how this entire story ends. I hope I still have all my loyal readers to embark this journey with me. I've been busy writing a book hoping to get published for real as well as beauty schoolwork and raising my son. However, I have not forgotten this fan fic unless you all have. As long as I have lots of readers you'll get lots of posts. So speak now or forever hold your peace.

A Ride to Remember

"I didn't have anything better to do that weekend; so I decided to fall in love."- The girl next door

Arnold could still recall the moment he'd truly fallen in love for the first time. At the time he was an eighth grader. He had just came to his own with puberty and his hormones had interfered with his overall characteristics. Arnold Shortman was known as the Serial Dater of his Junior High. They called him a Serial Dater because much like a killer he periodically dated as well as systematically breaking young girl's hearts. He always let the girl down easy; but he was sweet, he knew this, and thus his kindness only caused it to hurt further. Kill them with kindness. They just weren't as Lila had put it: His "oh so special someone".

He stared at his reflection in the frozen ice of the lake. He was tall at least 6'0 with a mane of golden blonde hair that flipped to wrap around his blue fitted hat. He wore a blue thermal with a zip up red plaid jacket. His blue cap from Childhood always tucked in his back pocket for luck. His muscles from carrying cargo at Big Bob's cell phone store showed even through his jacket he was toned. His Jade eyes peered at his reflection snidely. His usual wide grin replaced with a scowl.

Christmas was supposed to be a time of family, food, and compassion. For Arnold it was a disappointment. His grandmother thought it was Easter and dressed as a bunny. During the Easter egg hunt his roommates broke out in a violent frenzy. Normally Arnold could tolerate their antics but today it was unbearable and so he decided to spend the most family oriented holiday of the year solo.

"Well, if I'm not mistaken shouldn't I be the one scowling?" spoke a familiar voice. Why was it whenever Arnold went through a life struggle this unexpected guardian angel appeared to guide him through? He recalled a Thanksgiving long ago much similar of a failure to the Christmas today. That same girl was beside him on Thanksgiving and now Christmas.

"Why aren't you scowling?" Arnold responded rudely.

"Don't you have any Christmas spirit?" She retorted.

"What for it's just a day for the stores to sell out." His scowl deepening.

"That doesn't sound like the annoying prep I grew up with." Her raspy voice teased.

Arnold's eyes admired her beauty through the reflection in the ice. He didn't dare look her in the eyes. She was stunning and every boy wanted in her pants. Arnold blushed at the thought, since he dated so much everyone just assumed he wasn't a virgin. He was a virgin though and a confused one at that. He couldn't understand why he wasn't a normal teenage boy. He had several gorgeous girls toss themselves at him but in honesty he was too kind to voice what he thought of them. He thought those types of girls were whores. Something in Arnold's mind kept his hormonal needs at bay. Arnold wanted his first time to mean something with someone meaningful. He couldn't explain it, but this girl behind him since pre-school had captivated and meant something; what she meant exactly he wasn't sure but he knew it was something special. Not anybody can captivate you your entire life she had a certain something that made Arnold always question if it was hate or love.

He recalled telling his mystery Valentine many years ago how Helga Pataki bugged him. She still did bug him because he never could understand the tingling sensation she caused him. She made him feel things he wasn't sure he should feel. He remembered the warmth of her lips and how much he'd enjoyed it and he'd only been nine!

Her sapphire eyes stared silently at their reflections beside him. Her platinum hairs cascading a lovely wavy sea of blonde down her spine. Her button nose red from the chill. Her plush pink lips pressed firmly together. She had no idea what Arnold thought nor did she probe to find out. He was always since he could remember analyzing the blonde before him. She however never tried to scratch the surface of what was he. He wondered if it was because he'd been nothing but a childish crush.

"What? No comments from the peanut gallery?" He was stunned with himself for lashing out at Helga. He was angry that he could be so logical, wise, and advice giving, with anything except her. He was always irrational when it came to this weird young woman.

"My two cents; my ten cents is free." She paused, "If you must know I've been listening to nothing but dry wall being punched in; along with screaming all day. I'm enjoying the peace and quite." Her voice was emotionless as she peered over the railing of the bridge they both stood over. Suddenly, Arnold was ashamed of being bothered by his Christmas and being temperamental with Helga.

"Dance with me." He insisted suddenly.

"I can't dance." She looked over at her pink high tops.

"You don't have to be good only I do," He explained as one of his hands nervously rubbed at his back.

"You never make any damn sense Arnold-o." Helga tugged shyly at her Grey beanie.

"Life is too short for logic." Arnold replied whimsically.

"I'm not much for feelings." Helga always had a comeback.

Arnold lifted her slender frame so that her feet were on top of his own. She was such a skinny girl he wondered how much she weighed under that pink hoodie. She was cold with nothing but thin Grey skinny jeans to protect her legs. Arnold flushed again Helga was the most bra sized endowed girl on campus. As mature as he was for a fourteen-year-old he was still a boy. She had her chest pressed against his own. He could smell the scent of daffodils and wildflowers in her hair. Arnold rested his chin on top of her head. He took a deep calming breath trying to regain his composure. The last thing he wanted was the embarrassment of an uncontrollable rising in his blue jeans. He forced his mind to stop straying towards the gutter. She was a lady and should be treated as such he reprimanded himself.

""Why do I do, just as you say, why must I just, give you your way

Why do I sigh, why don't I try - to forget

It must have been, that something lovers call fate

Kept me saying: "I have to wait"

I saw them all, just couldn't fall - 'til we met

It had to be you, it had to be you,"

Arnold sang in her ear and he could swear she shivered but not because of the snow. He rotated them in a circle in the center of the empty bridge. Both of them dancing to this recited Frank Sinatra song. Arnold enjoyed jazz and the oldies unable to relate to new releases. No one else really understood his taste in music he didn't expect her to know what he was singing.

"I wandered around, and finally found - the somebody who

Could make me be true, and could make me be blue

And even be glad, just to be sad - thinking of you,"

To his surprise Helga carried out the second part her voice a perfect symphony of femininity.

"Some others I've seen, might never be mean

Might never be cross, or try to be boss, but they wouldn't do

For nobody else, gave me a thrill - with all your faults, I love you still

It had to be you, wonderful you, it had to be you"

Arnold finished the song staring at the petite blonde who had represented torment and equally as much pleasure. The smells of her intoxicating his senses and right then he wanted nothing but to kiss her. He wanted to wrap his fingers in her hair and tug her to his mouth; to roughly kiss maybe even bites her succulent lips. He wanted to kiss her like she'd never been kissed before.

"Songs been playing in my head since I met you." She admitted and her breath tickled his neck as she peeked up at him. Her eyes were a deep ocean tide and his own sea green eyes sank in her stare. He'd never been so intimate with anyone before. It dawned on him then in that moment that all his life experiences were shared with this one eccentric blonde. He realized that he'd been denying the truth. He was just as desperately in love as she had once been. The reason Helga was always in Arnold's head was because she belonged there! He was so clueless! How could this fact have escaped him for eleven years?

"I think the best gift I got this year was you." He blurted out. What was he saying? He wished he could catch each syllable and put them back in his mouth.

"You're the only gift I got," She admitted softly.

"Can I keep you?" He whispered not thinking before talking.

"How many girls have you dropped that line on?" she pondered.

"One, but even one, is one too many!" He snapped sick of her always being so cross with him.

"I can't stand you! I hate you!" She blurted out randomly.

"You hate me?" His blonde brow rose, "You hate me because you love me Helga!"

"I love to hate you!" She shouted in his face.

"You love to hate the fact that you love me; maybe." He bantered on with her calm.

"If I never talk to you again football head it'd be too soon!" She assured him.

"If I never talk to you again it'd be too late for me." He assured her.

She wrapped her arms around him a frail little girl craving love. He did what he'd always done for the sad neglected girl; gave her attention, gave her love. He held her snuggling her to his chest. Holding her with the intent to only comfort. He made hushing crooning noises as she sobbed into his plaid coat. He held her protecting her from the big bad world around them. She had the exterior persona of a hard ass but really she was a rag doll. Arnold was in love with her; she was beauty in the breakdown, he'd carry the thread to stitch her, if only in the hopes that she was his to keep.

Suddenly she sniffed pulling away from him. "Let's go," Helga instructed, "where?" He asked. "Anywhere," She shouted excitedly and her voice carried across the tree branches. "Okay, lead the way free bird," He laughed. "Two birds of a feather; we fly together," She giggled and her smile was like the first light of sunrise. Her smile broke through the clouds of despair that haunted her face majority of the time. "I know just the place to take you." She beamed. "We're going to pull an all nighter." With that she led him to the bus station both teens shaking their pockets for all their change.

Arnold watched her gaze out the bus window staring at the orb that was the moon. Her appearance reminded him of a memory or dream long since forgotten. The fluorescent glow of moonlight bathed her ivory skin giving it a glow. He'd always thought she was pretty in her own sort of way but now she was captivating. He realized he wanted to woo her.

"Why?" He asked her; leaning in closely he could smell the peppermint off his own breath.

"Why what?" She responded slightly snide.

"Why are you always distracting me?" He hissed in her ear.

"Distracting you from what?" She prodded.

"You're always distracting me from focusing. When I'm with you for better or worse my focus

Shifts to you." It was true since he could remember she always had an impact on his day to day life.

He smirked pleased as he watched her pale cheeks flush like a blossoming rose in a field of snow. She opened her mouth to respond but the bus jolted to a stop. When they got off Arnold frowned they were at the F.T.I. building.

"Why are we here?" He inquired confused. She didn't answer taking his hand into her own. Her fingers were soft but skeletal. He noted that he should take her out to eat sometime maybe make it a regular thing. She was his greatest work. He had spent his whole life learning the many layers of her. He could spend a million more searching the depths of her ocean eyes.

They stared into each other's eyes panting from running up several flights of stairs. She lifted her arms in the air spinning blissful. "This is Helga Pataki's roof top; my roof top!" She exclaimed waving her arms almost as if she were nine again. "Your roof top?" He was confused all he remembered was this building symbolizing the destruction of their neighborhood.

He noticed in the corner a piano. He didn't bother to ask Helga how she'd gotten a piano on an abandoned rooftop. "If you're ever lost you can find yourself here." She explained as Arnold frowned confused further.

"They say when you're in love you become one in the same." She explained, "I come here to find myself when I'm lost." She paused, "This is my hide out; my safe haven and I'm sharing it with you." Her blue eyes sparkled with an optimism he rarely saw in her. He supposed he would never truly one hundred percent know Helga; how could he? Most of the time people don't fully understand their own nature; so how can they comprehend all the shortcomings of another soul?

She took his hands humming. Helga was the only girl who could tap into his depths and also make him crave desires of the flesh. "Promise me Arnold; promise if you ever get lost you'll find me here. This is our roof. Don't you remember here is where we had our first kiss." He nodded he did remember. Arnold was not one to give into temptation but his love for her often uncontrollably intermingled with lust.

"I promise; you know there's still a lot of firsts in our lives we could share more than our first kiss." He clutched her close whispering into her neck as she shook sinking like pudy in his hands.

[i]"What if her eyes were there, they in her head?

The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,

As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven

Would through the airy region stream so bright

That birds would sing and think it were not night.

See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!

O, that I were a glove upon that hand,

That I might touch that cheek!"[/i]

Her eyes widened sapphire orbs. It was apparent that she had not fathomed that Arnold would remember their school play. He had played her Romeo then; and was actually her Romeo now. He was pleased a burning pride in his chest he had wanted to woo her and clearly had. Her heart was that of a poet and he knew it. There was no better way to penetrate the towering walls over her heart than to lull her in poetic.

[i]"O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art

As glorious to this night, being o'er my head

As is a winged messenger of heaven

Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes

Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him

When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds

And sails upon the bosom of the air."[/I]

Helga had clearly remembered the play as well or perhaps it was just one of her regular poetic reads. "You change me Helga. Change me in a good but odd sort of way. You make me feel things." She backed away taken aback by his intensity. He laughed remembering being in her position so many years ago on this very rooftop.

"I love you! I've always loved you. There's no one else but you and never will be." He held her staring into her eyes melting her barriers as her eyes softened.

They kissed and it was like being tethered to another living soul. He was connected to her now in a way that was mortally impossible to reproduce or form with another existence. She was his forever love. They kept their virtues strong and true that night but discovered the feel and touch of every freckle, scar, or smooth ligament, of their anatomy on that rooftop.

Arnold returned to his senses lost in the memory. He could not wipe the smile from his face it was one of his steamiest and most secretive memories. It was a treasure that he selfishly hoarded for himself. He saved this memory for rainy days. He wanted her back to create more memories. She was the Bonnie to his Clyde; Juliet to his Romeo. She was the Ali to his Noah; the Rose to his Jack Dawson. He would find her and their son and get the family he deserved. He had his opportunity of family stripped from him as a baby. He refused to repeat the cycle and allow it to be stripped at birth from his son as well.

He slid the next tape into the player craving no matter how disheartened it was the sound of Helga's voice.

He pressed play:

[i]"Hello Peebs there's a lot of words left unsaid between us; isn't there?"[/i]


	9. Chapter 9

WRITER NOTE: WARNING! My mind wandered to dark places this chapter I am exhusted with work and school to the point of insanity and have staid up until 1:30 in the morning writing this so take caution this chapter is intense and revealing in more ways than one.;-D

ALSO: If you like my fan fic you should check out LIGHTS by Morgan and CLEAN by Hotfender they are my all time favorites on here as well as ROMANCE LANGUAGES.

AS ALWAYS: THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOYALTIES AND FOR MORE POSTS I EXPECT MORE REVIEWS UNDERSTAND RUBBERBANDS LOVE YOU ALL!

3 WEEKS BEFORE THE TAPES RELEASE

Chapter 9

Helga on the couch

"Feet don't fail me now Take me to the finish line! All my heart, it breaks every step that I take

But I'm hoping that the gates, They'll tell me that you're mine. Walking through the city streets

Is it by mistake or design? I feel so alone on a Friday night. Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine? It's like I told you honey; Don't make me sad, don't make me cry I don't know why

Keep making me laugh, Let's go get high, Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough

The road is long, we carry on, Try to have fun in the meantime. Come and take a walk on the wild side!

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain. You like your girls insane, Choose your last words. This is the last time, Cause you and I, we were born to die." –Lana Del Rey (Born to Die)

She nibbled nervously on her damaged fingernails. She growled under her breath agitated. It was easier to deal with agitation verses depression. Her sufferance's hunger was unsuitable. Her entire existence a thundercloud of disdain finally crashing into an unbearable storm of sadness.

At last she heard the words that she'd spent a half-hour waiting to hear. "Hello Helga." Came a familiar but aging voice. The corner of Helga's pastel pink lip curled into a smile. She couldn't help it; her heart had lifted as soon as the woman had said hello. The woman's voice was an old familiar lullaby that sang her nerves into ease.

Hastily she squeezed her supple frame through the door left slightly ajar. Helga's azure eyes gleamed with ferocity. Her body was a weakening vessel but her eyes still emanated raw power. Her eyes blue crystals that glistened the reflection of the room in her irises.

It was the same exact room it'd always been. The same Norman Bates picture in the corner of the chipping blue walls. The same dark wood shelves propping up millions of books. The same ancient polyester maroon chair behind it a wide window looking out onto the hustle of the Ghetto streets. Mainly, what remained unaltered was the purple futon to lay down on during discussions. Helga's initial reaction to taking the hot seat had changed about as little as the room had.

"Helga I'm happy you came." Dr. Bliss spoke as if she greeted an old friend rather than a patient. "Have you been taking your medicine?

"Pills, Pills, Pills, fuck pills!" Helga blurted and Dr. Bliss amber eyes narrowed slightly at Helga's profanity.

"Have you?" She said not loosing pace in the slightest she was used to Helga's antics.

"Helga I know the past year has been difficult but that medication is for your benefit. It will lift the burden." Dr. Bliss assured in her feminine feathery voice.

"Oh really? My baby was stolen and you want to shove it off as postpartum! I tell you I'm being followed and you pass it off as paranoia anxiety. Bliss you've always been the one single person I could count on. The one pumping me up in my corner. Why are you being narrow minded?" The corner of Helga's wide eyes watered at the corner.

Dr. Bliss sighed heavily, "Okay Helga whose following you?" She asked reasonably as if she didn't think Helga had lost her mind. Dr. Bliss knew that the poor child was a stretchy rubber band that's elastic was reaching a snapping point.

"Think Bliss; think damit!" Helga retorted snidely. She knew she wasn't being practical but if any woman would know about seeing the unseen it was Dr. Bliss.

"Helga I think you are over analyzing; I think you need a hot glass of coca." Dr. Bliss teeth gleamed as she handed Helga a mug. Helga took the beverage with shaky hands.

"They're always behind me." She cried tears collapsing into puddles inside the depths of her coca.

"There; there," Dr. Bliss soothed providing the maternal response Helga so desperately craved. The only mother she had ever known was Bliss and it ached to know Bliss was paid for it and not doing the task do to blood-ties.

"Whose always behind you Helga?" Dr. Bliss pondered politely awaiting Helga's continuation. She cleared her throat prodding Helga to respond.

"He's always behind me; he never stops hounding, breathing down my back!" Helga exclaimed picking agitatedly at the rips in her dark skinny jeans.

Dr. Bliss let her lips thin out as she was reminded of a session long ago. It was just too groggy too far-gone to completely recall. The memory was there but disconnected in its entirety. In the end Dr. Bliss could not recapture the moment and failed to see the most vital piece of the puzzle before her that was her patient.

"Bliss?" Helga asked tenderly.

"Yes, Helga?" Dr. Bliss prompted.

"If I needed you could I count on you?" The question was asked so simply and yet there was no simple answer to be given. Helga's mind was such a black and white perception. One wrong term and the girl would shut down refusing any room for gray lines during discussions.

"I mean when we have our discussions you're sworn to secrecy." Helga was coy.

"Of course Helga; have I told a secret yet?" Dr. Bliss insisted. Helga's eyes brightened it was shocking the intensity of the girl's eyes. One moment her eyes were lifeless and barren the next they sparked with jubilance. Dr. Bliss had kept every teen angst secret from the very start. From that first secret about Helga's obsession and passion for a certain football headed boy. Only one person had penetrated every layer of Helga Geraldine Pataki; that was Dr. Bliss and Dr. Bliss alone. There was only one thinner layer to peel back.

"Helga?" Dr. Bliss was assertive.

"Are recordings private too?" Helga attempted to ask as if only slightly curious.

Dr. Bliss knew better, "It depends why? Depending on what you say it may be against the law." Dr. Bliss stated truthfully. "Yes, you said against the law, not that you wouldn't protect a recording anyway." Helga was such a tactful girl it was difficult to keep up with her train of thought at times even with a degree.

"I couldn't answer such a question you know that Helga." Dr. Bliss eyed Helga suspiciously. "Bliss I can't explain this all to you. I can't explain it to myself really. All I can explain is I know how I got from point A to point B; but now that I'm at point B I'm not sure of my next move." Helga shook her head vigorously her hair shifting side to side. "No that isn't a good enough explanation. It's more like my existence is a game of checkers; I've finally got a crown, finally I can go any direction I want, yet I still can't decide to go forward or back." Her voice was a lovely serenade raspy from years of shouting yet somehow delicate in its femininity. Helga's thoughts that of an artist such as Vango or Poetic Justice similar to the sinister inventions of Edgar Allen Poe. She was mystifying, hypnotic almost. She captivated Dr. Bliss and anyone else who crossed paths.

"Please elaborate," For the first time Dr. Bliss could not read between the lines Helga etched. Helga's mind running wild in misleading and random processing it was impossible to keep pace with her.

"Do you keep recordings Bliss?" Helga was blatant her voice held an edge.

"Yes for later study; it's more like a previous vocal check-up," Dr. Bliss was slightly defensive wanting to ensure her integrity. It was clear Bliss solely listened to the tapes. "I record my sessions with all my patients." Dr. Bliss added for good measure.

"What if a patient recorded too?" Helga was prying into dangerous waters; oceans of therapeutic oath that Dr. Bliss did not care to dive into. "What happens in the office; stays in the office." Dr. Bliss hesitant towards Helga's demeanor. Those impishly gleaming azure eyes stared at Dr. Bliss. "Have you been recording our get together Helga?" Dr. Bliss probed.

Helga sat at the end of the couch her foot jiggling spastically. Dr. Bliss was alarmed to see the already eccentric girl acting so strange even for Helga standards.

"No, but my times up see yeah Bliss thanks for the coca," Helga stood up on the balls of her feet striding towards the door. Dr. Bliss stretched her lengthy slender arm wrapping her hand on Helga's dainty wrist.

"What recording do you have Helga?" Bliss demanded.

"I thought you said it was illegal to keep any incriminating evidence." Helga retorted prudent.

"It is illegal for Dr. Bliss to do such a thing; but it's not illegal for Janice," Dr. Bliss beamed slipping a scroll of paper with her address on it. "Stop by tonight and we'll talk; talk as two friends over coffee." Bliss smiled assuring. Helga merely nodded as she continued to stride out the door.

She ran her feet thudding painfully against the pavement. Helga took pleasure in the ache enjoying the tingling sensation in her toes, it felt good to feel anything at all, even pain. Thunder clapped viciously overhead a storm was coming. Helga shivered in discomfort all she had was a red hoodie and dark blue skinnies to protect her frail frame. She threw her golden locks into a sloppy bun off her gleaming pale forehead. Her anxiety sky rocketing and her heart hammering barbaric against her rib cage. The soft droplets of rain began to steadily sprinkle. Olga had once told Helga that when it rained it was the Angels sobbing for God's children and their taint; the thunder the sound of their shouted displeasure. Helga had never believed before, but perhaps Olga had been right after all? It was a damn dog eat dog world out there Helga knew this now with the experiences only age could give.

She rounded the corner her vision blurred as pure adrenaline fueled her way. Helga was pumped; she knew her next move, knew what she must do in order to win the game of life, to at last gain her Checkmate! "Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me I'm Helga G. Pataki!" She screamed glancing over her back. Helga hoped her stalker clung to the confines of the shadows behind her. She taunted them; provoked them even, to come catch her. She was lost in the maze of her own mind and did not notice the blonde boy who was also rounding the same corner.

She braced her delicate body for the impact. Her slender hands extending above her face in a false attempt to break the inevitable fall. Gravity however did not pin her to the ground. A pair of powerful arms wrapped around her holding her petite body inches from the pavement. Helga didn't dare open her eyes because she had no desire to see her savior. She knew all too well who rescued her. It was the boy that she always collided with. It was the boy who was always there to uplift her. It was her stereotypical Knight in Shining Armor. Helga was absolutely infuriated and down right pissed with the switch in events. Why was it after almost a year of avoidance to cosmos tossed the boy right in the way to block her plans? Irony was becoming her favorite word as of late.

"Helga?" He sighed and she was wafted in the sensual scent of peppermint. Now Helga remembered why peppermints were her favorite candies. She clamped her eyes tighter not wanting to see him. She hadn't faced Arnold since that day before Olga stole her away to miss that fateful trains ride to hope. She never did tell Arnold about the pregnancy, Aidan, about anything really. Did he even know her anymore? Did she even know him? They had entered the vortex of uncertainty. They were in danger of becoming a complete stranger to one another.

"Helga," He repeated and his voice was seducing calm with a soothing familiar charm.

"Arnold," She allowed her dustpan lashes to flutter open as she gazed in to Emerald eyes that blazed her skin with the intensity of their stare. Those ravishing wide green eyes that withheld passion shoved deep down in his soul. He was selfless always suppressing his wants for others. Helga was greedy always hungering for more wanting all of him always well never revealing anything of in return. She needed his innocents and his virtue. Arnold needed Helga's passion and charisma. They were two jigsaw pieces that fitted perfect in their own personal puzzle.

It'd been so long she'd forgotten how complete he made her; forgotten how well he filled the void, how good it felt when he filled her. She wanted him one last time just one last touch. She wanted to pillage and plunder his sacrificing nature one final time. Arnold was the giver and she was the taker. She needed to take all of him once more. She craved that here, right now, in the end she could have the one thing she'd ever wanted, Arnold.

He was truly beautiful a walking form of art. His luscious cornflower hair wild and uncontainable flipping to frame his strong jaw line. His long button nose perfectly proportioned to his now oval shaped face. His skin was sun-kissed from the years of sports and hard labor carrying boxes for her twisted father. Her eyes rested at his plush rosy shaded lips she wanted to see them swollen from her needy wanton kisses.

"You're cold," She panted taking notice that he had yet to release her. It was apparent that the boy knew if that he released her she'd disappear as she always did. He could still remember the first time she went missing they were merely children then playing magic; even then it terrorized him to think her gone forever.

"It's raining," He stated the obvious as he picked his umbrella off the sidewalk and covered them both underneath. Helga cringed as she looked across the street the ending of her life seemed to travel back to where it had truly began. Across the street was the Pre-school, where they first met. Once again here they were young adults seeking shelter from the rain from a flimsy umbrella. Helga laughed inches from hysteria from the madness and irony.

"Here, You need it." Arnold took a lighter from his back pocket pulling what appeared to be a cigar. Helga's eyes widened blue saucers astounded it wasn't a cigar at all but weed.

"And here I thought I was the goodie good," Arnold scuffed.

"Gerald gave me it. Don't worry it's not routine or anything I save them for rainy days; they help me reflect sometimes." He explained easily nodding his head for Helga to take a hit. "What the heck why not Football head," Helga budged. They smoked in silence sharing Arnold's surprise blunt. Both enjoying the pitter-patter of the rain.

"Rain is my favorite weather. It purifies the Earth. It's like a cleansing of the World healing its self. Once the storm passes the trees are vibrant, the grass lush, and the air fresh. It's like a start over for me too. If this tainted world can cleanse its self why can't I cleanse myself from my own wrongs?" He spoke to Helga but his eyes were far away. She smiled captivated by his own vibrant green colored eyes. She wasn't surprised of course Arnold would take something ugly like a rainy day and morph it into something beautiful much like he had done for Helga her entire life.

"See yeah around," Helga continued to sincerely smile as she stepped away from the shelter of Arnold's umbrella. She only took a few steps before Arnold pulled her into him wrapping his hands lightly around her throat. They peered challengingly into one another's eyes. He rested his hands almost feather like around Helga's throat; he was so strong, just one slight pressure point and Arnold could kill her. Helga knew Arnold could never literately kill her. What Arnold failed to see is that Helga wasn't the one with the power in their relationship but him. One word one rejection and he would kill Helga's soul; the power and control over another soul was extreme, but it was true he controlled her very happiness. Yet, she knew he would never abuse her love even as she continued to torment him in any emotional way a man could suffer. Only fools fall in love and Arnold was foolish; she was just as foolhardy even if she never said it.

"Why? I waited until sunrise Helga!" He shouted in her face. After half his life remaining the reasonable one of the two they switched rolls as he reached his snapping point. "I searched for you all the ten months you were gone; hunted for you really. When you finally came back; I got nothing not even a half ass hello! You torture me because you can! You know I love you so you fuck with my head! You've always fucked with my head from day one! You're a head-fuck Helga!" Her jaw dropped she had never heard Arnold use profanity towards anyone it stung that this scorching seething rage was directed at her.

"Get real! I don't strategize it Arnold you're just weak and I'm too much for you." She shouted back.

"Weak! Oh, Helga I think we know whose the real weakling." He pushed her behind an alley inside an abandoned car. The rain began to pour the storm beginning to rage. For the sake of their safety they would have to wait out the storm inside the car.

"I'm weak really? Arnold you're weak. Always allowing your heart to get in the way of what you want. I don't have that type of morality to punish me if I want something I take it." She scuffed harshly. She fell silent at once as his eyes burrowed peering with an ancient stare. Arnold's eyes green portals into wisdom he truly was an old soul.

It astounded Helga to know that somewhere in this wide world was a physical manifestation of their hate, love, passion, for one another; out there was a living being with all the beautiful characteristics of the two of them. Somewhere out there was the breathing evidence of their everlasting star-crossed love. Their little Aidan walked the Earth somewhere right now at this same moment!

Arnold pulled her back to the current situation she was light headed, high, her senses burning with the sweet edge of peppermint. They were pressed close together huddled in the backseat of this abandoned metal Nova. Arnold appeared to be contemplating his next words and next move.

"Helga we both know who really control us." Arnold finally hissed in her ear and she felt her body cave as she willed her mind to remain strong.

"There is no us Arnold." She spoke coldly. She was secretly ashamed as she watched the hurt shimmer in his eyes momentarily. They disappeared replaced with an expression she had never seen; hate.

"You're right there is no us. Only me, and this time I'll take what I want." He was blunt hurt bristling into a brash illogical lashing of anger.

"What do you want Arnold," Helga whispered.

He moaned and Helga was uncertain not expecting such a reaction.

He yanked at her ponytail pulling her close to his face choking her in the smell of mints and citrus. What is that smell? It was intoxicating. His smell poisonous to her logic. She began to violently tremble with need. She had finally pushed Arnold over the edge. Helga knew she would pay in the most pleasurable way. She wanted him; needed him, or she would surly die in the backseat of this little nova.

"Crazy makes you crazy," He taunted her his eyes such as a jaguar waiting to pounce on its prey.

"I could break you Helga. If I wanted I could destroy you," It was harsh but he said it as if speaking endearingly.

"You wouldn't be the first go ahead Arnold hit me with your best shot. Aim right here no mercy." She breathed pressing her index finger and thumb to her cleavage reenacting a gun aimed to the chest. He growled punching the headrest of the seat in front of him.

"After everything you've ever done to me I want to. I want to break you and play with you like you toy with me. I can't though, I'm too in love with you. As damaged as you are Helga I know you love me. You're just too scared to say it. You're afraid if you say it you'll loose me but you won't." He promised calm again his hand cupping her cream complexion face.

"The person who cares the most looses. I have nothing to loose Arnold because I don't care," Helga paused, "I have nothing to loose, you can't loose what you never had." She lied and Arnold knew she was.

"You'll regret the lies Helga one day you'll have to tell the truth. One day I'll know everything." She shivered he was closer to finding out the truth then he thought her mind wandered to her confessional tapes hidden in her bedroom closet.

"I'm going to make you pay for everything you've done." He stated confidently. She opened her mouth to retort but he crashed his lips dominating her. "You think by not saying you love me you have the upper hand but you don't Helga because weather spoken or not it's there and you're going to admit it once and for all." He stated as if it were written in stone. He laid her down on the backseat sitting over her a wicked wide smile on his face as his eyes lidded in lust. He lifted his shirt over his head to expose tanned masculine skin. Helga shook silenced by his stunning wit and body. He was such a perfect specimen. He removed Helga's shirt too and slid so that their chests pressed close enough to feel one another's hammering hearts.

Arnold pressed his lips fiercely his tongue probing and searching more than the taste of her mouth searching for everything that made Helga what she was. She panted as she slid off her pants. Before she knew it the game of cat and mouse had gone on for about an two hours both enclosed the body heat and sexual tension keeping them warm.

"Arnold please," She pleaded.

"No," He simply stated. The roles had reversed Arnold was in control now and abusing his power like Helga so often did. In a warped sort of way Helga liked the role reversal. She liked it because though Arnold was often in the end always right and held the power to fix all conflicts; he never got to be bad never got to manipulate. She liked being the only one capable of bring the bad boy repressed inside him. Loved that she was the only girl who made him remotely feel at all whether good or bad.

"Arnold I need you." She insisted her chest heaving as she shook underneath him.

"Not good enough Helga," He was a clever boy his mind still in control even though his body begged just as much as her's did if not more. She wanted him to know the truth this was the last chance she'd ever get to say it. "I love you Arnold P. Shortman. I'm obsessed even. You're the first thought in my head when I wake up and the last before I sleep. I love you with every fiber of my being to the point that it kills me softly. Arnold you are the only good in my evil world." Helga confessed. It was enough to put Arnold over the edge and with that he crumbled caving into his lust and connecting them in every physical and mental way possible. His anger defused as he made love to her with wild abandon.

"Bye; Bye black bird," Helga waved at her stoop as Arnold began to step down after insiting to walk her home. "We still need to talk." He insisted sternly. "Yes, Sir!" Helga saluted sarcastically as Arnold rolled his eyes he turned to walk away but spun around. "If you're a bird I'm a bird." He promised romantically. "I love you Arnold," She said it with every fiber of her being because Helga knew what Arnold didn't. Helga knew there would be no later conversation, no in depth explanations, no more good-byes. This would be the last time because Helga was born to die. She watched a single tear slide down his high cheekbone his body responded to the language that their words did not explain. It was as if Arnold's body knew what his mind did not; that this goodbye was the last. His body language pleading to keep her; to keep what was his.

He walked backward until he reached the corner staring at her as she stood still paralyzed on her porch. It was obvious to both parties that each was taking a photographic memory of the other.

Helga seemed weak but determination amplified her strength. It was with determination that she carried both packages to Dr. Bliss's front door. She shivered knowing that enclosed in those boxes were the last will and testament of her life. Shivered because after these tapes released she would no longer be a mystery her every triumph and mistake revealed. She grinned ear to ear as she rang Dr. Bliss's door rushing as far away from the house as she could before the front door opened. She rounded the corner entering the alley as her stalker grabbed her by the elbows pulling her by the elbows.

"I know where you were today. You're a bad girl Helga and I'm going to punish you." Her stalker promised.

"Hello Lucky Number 13," Helga laughed harshly entertained by her own private joke.


	10. Chapter 10

WRITER'S NOTE: I am feeling the creativity flow. This is the beginning of the end guys. This is when the tapes, the past, the present, all the answers come together to form our story. The end is around the corner. Chapters I hope can be more quickly posted now. I am feeling it all. I loved reading your thoughts and feelings towards the posts. I'm pleased to have gained all you new readers in such a long period of the story. I enjoy writing for each of you. Take caution though things are getting darker now at this point to faint hearted should depart right about now. Thanks for the support don't forget to review if you like this fic cause I thrive off your guys approval. :-P

Chapter 10

Tape 3

Phoebe

"I only have memories of you.

We were just kids; we met at a school, And you wrote your name onto my paper bill.

And it's been with me for well over ten years. Did I waste too much time?

Did you make up your mind? I wonder what you are like today.

And If I'll ever get to feel your face. If I could go back I'd change a lot of things.

And I'd make a butterfly flap its wings. I'd change our course; I'd change our time. And who knows what things would have been like this time. And maybe one day you will hear this song.

I just hope that it won't take too long. Did you make up your mind?

Did I waste too much time?" – 3D Friends Lina Magic

"_Hey Pheebs it's been a while huh?"_ Arnold's ears perked up in anticipation. He held his breath. Phoebe was her best friend and if anyone could guide him in the right direction towards the deeper truth of it all it would be Phoebe's tape. He inhaled intoxicated with the reality of it all. This wasn't just a verbal story telling like Gerald's urban legends; this was a reacquainting of facts and a re-telling of a life.

"_It's been too long Phoebe. Remember when we first became friends? We were learning to write and you wrote: Helga is my friend?_" Helga paused, tranquil almost, the static softly buzzing in Arnold's speakers. "_Phoebe I want you to know almost sixteen years later and I still have that crayola crayon message in a box under my floor boards."_ She laughed and Arnold laughed too, happy just by the sound of her voice.

"_Phoebe I am so sorry for everything and I'm even more sorry that in this tape we will relive it all again. I can't confine all my secrets anymore they've become too many; too many to try to ask you to keep either. Just know Pheebs I've never loved anyone or anything more than you."_ Helga paused once more and Arnold imagined her pressing her lips tightly in concentration as she often did. _"Not counting Ice-cream _

_That is,"_ She laughed sounding almost bubbly. Arnold wasn't sure what she meant by loving food more than her best friend; but he figured that was the point, only Phoebe was intended to get it.

"_Dominos, we spent hours upon hours as children stacking and morphing all the Domino chips into perfect patterns. No matter how many times we tried together to make the perfect shape one of us would nudge a single Domino and the rest would come tumbling down too." _Arnold remembered once that the two girls had after days created five interact hearts until Phoebe's hand quivered scattering chips everywhere. _"People are just like Dominos. One person nudges another person in the wrong direction; even just slightly and their entire society and group comes tumbling down with them. Just one mistake, just one misplacement in morality, and everything else in our lives scatter in several random places. That's all it takes to loose control over everyday balance. All it takes is a little push to drive a person nuts_; _we're all just one bad day away from loosing our minds. I was normal once all it took was one bad day. One out of a trillion bad days to break me. You remember that day too Phoebe; well the best that you can anyway." _

Arnold shifted his legs anxiously as he sat up on his pull out couch. The hairs on his back stood on edge, as his throat became dry. He felt surrounded by the sound of her voice. Suddenly it was too claustrophobic in his bedroom. He considered pressing pause. Helga's tone alone exposed a preview of what was about to come. Nothing good would come from this tape Arnold knew this. He knew that curiosity had killed the cat but it was all too enticing. Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought him back, Arnold thought to himself.

"Rhonda Wellington Lloyd's parties are the crem'De'la'crem only the best of the best in all the high-schools in our area are invited. Anyone whose anyone will be there or be square. Well folks it's not what it's cracked up to be it's really nothing more than an alcoholic drug pit disguised as a high class get together. I don't feel like a someone for always making V.I.P; in fact, if I counted all my failings at these parties I'd probably feel like a nobody."

Arnold knew Helga was headed towards dangerous waters. No one criticized Rhonda, especially when it came to her social quota because Rhonda would destroy him or her personally otherwise. Helga had gusto though; she lacked the emotions of fear and intimidation like a regular person. Princess had never frightened Helga nor would she ever. Dead people Arnold imagined were the most dangerous if they were to co-exist after this life. Dead people were dangerous because they had nothing more to loose; they'd already lost the most vital thing, lost life. These tapes were Helga's way of continuing to co-exist amongst the living still. Her voice ringing in their ears unyielding as if she stood beside them. Her voice the echo of a life that had once been. These recordings were the ghosts of Helga Geraldine Pataki; her soul enclosed trapped inside the plastic containment of each side of each tape.

"_Phoebe was always and will always be a good girl. Anything that was toxic to her life was due to me. When I love someone I tend to be the opposite of what I want to be for them. Instead of being a healing factor in their lives I'm the opposite. I'm like a poisonous cancer eating away at anything around me that could possibly bring me purity or relief. _She spoke matter of fact. She said it as if she were simply stating the obvious. It irritated Arnold Helga's lack of self worth. After spending sixteen years trying to prop her up he had still failed on his biggest project to date. He had been able to fix everyone and everything except what he needed to fix most. All Arnold had ever wanted was to fix him and Helga Pataki; he failed miserably at both.

"_It was ritual that all of the P.S.118 Gang show up to all her parties. Even Eugene would get smashed; and I don't mean just smashing a finger. So it was only routine that day when you and I got done up for the party. This party is the end all be all of parties we thought. It was the end all be all… the end of us. Not completely but the beginning of the fall out." _Arnold remembered that party he'd gotten into a jealous fist fight with Stinky over Helga and almost lost Stinky and his girlfriend then Lila. Helga had a way of nudging the beast within always provoking the not so nice guy to come out. He smirked to himself recalling April Fools Day and the competition of wits between them. It was always a battle of wills with Helga. My will against your will and I will win.

Phoebe you were beautiful that night your long raven hair straight curtains framing your petite face. I always envied your subtle beauty Phoebe. I wish I had been brave enough to tell you before hand. Phoebe you were the most beautiful person inside and out. You were elegant, clever, flaunt with goal success. You were everything I wasn't. Yet, you being as perfect as you were still tolerated my insufferable demanding, illogical, repetitive failures and lack of success. Why you liked me Phoebe I will never know. Maybe I would have been more likeable if I took a nibble off your humble pie. Nah, who am I kidding? We both know I'm a bitch and I like it that way. Well, I don't like to look at it, as I'm a bitch; rather, I'm just brave. I say what all you chicken hearts are thinking.

_So we went to Rhonda's party dressed to impress. It was the first party of sophomore year and all the sophomores were excited to celebrate not being the scrubs of the high school anymore. Everyone was plastered even self-righteous Moral Oral Arnold. We got, as I like to put it White Girl wasted. You were the most plastered I'd ever seen you Pheebs and I was worried. You hung all over Gerald who you'd just broken up with a couple weeks before hand at the time. I wanted to help you because you were hanging all over him making a scene. I pulled you into the kitchen Lila was vomiting in the sink I held her hair as I tried to steady myself long enough to talk to you. I was woozy and not from the alcohol. I remembered sharing my tall glass of beer with you from Lila. Lila said Rhonda gave it to her but she wasn't feeling up to it so we drank it. Big mistake. _

A chill slid down Arnold's chest to slither in the pit of his stomach. It was an uncomfortable nervous feeling. He knew that this was the tip of the iceberg and now the tape would be taking a Titanic sink to the bottom of discomfort. He didn't have to be psychic to put two and two. If they got sick from Rhonda's drink than Rhonda had spiked it. Why would Rhonda spike Lila's drink? What happened when Phoebe and Helga drank it by mistake? He was starting to think that maybe he should stop sticking his nose into discoveries he didn't really want to whiff.

I was spinning shaking even and I wondered if you could feel it too Phoebe. We held onto each other for support something was wrong with our bodies; they were going numb though our minds remained awake. We crawled into a random bedroom. That's when they came. Wolfgang and Parker. They were hammered. Parker had Wolfgang shove me in the closet. I tried to crawl out but my body wouldn't do what my brain told it to. I realized then that Rhonda ruffied or drugged us. I tried to call out for help anyone who could help you. I'd been through such experiences many times before but you hadn't. I wanted to save your integrity Phoebe I tried desperately to control my body to no prevail. Wolfgang and I watched as Parker violated you. He took your silence as compliance. Phoebe I cried everyday for hours afterwards. You are my best friend if you bleed I bleed; you suffer than I suffer as well. You were always my fragile China Doll and I the wild Viking that protected you. Sorry I failed you again Phoebe.

_I was amazed how easily you forgave me and even forgave Parker. You and Gerald got back together and you were happy as if nothing ever happened. If I attempted to discuss anything about that night with you; you simply brushed it off explaining it didn't matter because you had Gerald again, top grades, and a university in your near future. Nature had other intentions for you though Pheebs. No one noticed how you started drinking soda instead of Vodka. No one took mind of you randomly excusing yourself in the middle of lunch. Or how you stopped bothering with your make-up too tired to keep up with it. No one but me that is. I guess we are just linked soul sisters or whatever. _

_I pulled you aside and I called you out. I asked you if you were pregnant. You caved at once bawling. I was always capable of making you comply with ease. Phoebe I'm sorry I'm such a control freak. Thank you for being far more intelligent then I am. I know now that you only let me control things because you knew it was the only area in my life that I could control. I needed that control to keep me sane. Really in all actuality though Phoebe you had the true power because you weren't blinded by false perspectives; unlike me you understood everything you did, before you did it, and why you were doing it. I needed you far more then you had or ever would need me. You knew this before I did and showed me first hand what it is you influence in my daily life. You influenced everything. _

_You had no way to be certain if it was Gerald or Parker's baby. You were horrified to go through the whole process of Teen Pregnancy with Gerald only to discover in the delivery room that the baby belonged to a rapist instead. You are always cool, collected, logical. So you did what was logical towards your nearing future with Gerald. You removed your "Little Problem," I was there with you. I let you cry on my lap the whole drive home. I knew you regretted it as soon as you did it. There was always that lingering thought in the back of your mind: What if it was Gerald's after all? What if you'd kept it? _

_I tried to sympathize the best I could. There at your beck and call. For once I pampered you instead. Let you be the wild emotional wreck as I stayed the rock in our crumbling relationship. The role reversal I won't lie sucked big ones Pheebs. I knew that's what you needed though and I needed to provide what you wanted to the best of my ability in order to feel some relief. Like I said Pheebs if you bleed I bleed. _

_Right as you were going through this I discovered my own little joy. I found for myself that I was in fact having my own little baby. It was terrible withholding such joy in my heart. I knew I had to hide it from you. You were going through such a terrible loss it would have been vile to tell you about my baby. It would have almost been practically rubbing it in your face. So I told Lila instead. Lila told you and you were betrayed. I'm sorry Phoebe I've always been so concerned with protecting you that I've stretched the truth so far that it curve balls into lies. You couldn't trust me anymore. Or maybe you just couldn't bare the irony of life and death. _

_The years of our friendship were like Dominos Pheebs. They stacked together all our woes, worries, heartbreaks, towards one another stacking up over the years. It became too clustered the Dominos pressed too close together. Until finally, it all came crumbling down many pieces scattered; too much lost time in order to repair it. We drifted._

_I realized then that everyone leaves you at some point. We enter this world alone and we leave this world alone. You taught me Phoebe that good or bad all things must come to an end. I never left a door into my heart open again Phoebe I nailed it shut after you left the boarding space you had in my heart. My heart was cracked, battered, and bruised each spot shattered from separate people to add into one giant crumbled structure that I entitled as my heart. You were my worst heartbreak. We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry. _

_You have given me so many different forms of advice and guidance Phoebe. I'm still angry at you abandoning me I thought you were the one person I could count on for always. I'm grateful you left though Phoebe it was a life lesson I had to learn. You can't count on anyone else until you can count on yourself. This is where you fit in the puzzle of my life where you belong. There's so many words left unsaid and such little time. I'm sorry to leave you hanging with this tape Phoebe you deserve more. This tape calls us even now though, fair and square. I have one more thing I want to say to you since it's the last my dearest friend. _

"_We all lose friend. We lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on. I love you Pheebs!" _

Arnold ripped the tape out of the player. He took all the tapes an scattered them throwing them like Frisbees across his room. Arnold couldn't do anything right! He had spent his whole life fixing everyone else's since he couldn't fix his own. Obsessing over ensuring that justice always prevailed amongst his group since justice had always lacked in his home life. There was no such thing as fair. No actual justice clung to this world. Arnold felt his will to prevail and to be charitable dwindle. With each tape hatred brewed a dangerous emotion stewing in the concave of his chest. Arnold had no desire to contain his inner strength and power. The difference between good and evil is that goodness averts wrong even when it is capable of utmost destruction. Arnold had hit that crossing point into the dark void all his heart lusted for was revenge for his beloved. One way or another Arnold would satisfy his need.

Suddenly there was a tapping at his fire escape. Arnold darted towards the window his green eyes wide orbs of shock. There before him was his best friend Gerald and the girl whose secrets had just been revealed. Phoebe peeked coyly behind Gerald's arm.

"Arnold I'll explain in the car. I know everything man. I'm not in the tapes but I listened with Phoebe. I wanted to tell you man I promise but I couldn't. I still can't you'll have to figure it out for yourself." Arnold opened his mouth but Gerald stuck out his amber hand in protest.

"There is something that we can help you with," Gerald added poking Phoebe lightly in the rib to further explain to Arnold.

"I did research Arnold, and well, I found your child." Arnold stared dumbfounded so much impacting life altering news seemed to snowball down hill at him at once. How was he supposed to cope? Arnold was sure he'd loose his mind soon enough. Helga's words rang in his ears persistently: "You're only one bad day from loosing your mind." Her words buzzed over and over again haunting Arnold.

"His name is Aidan Arnold Doe. He just turned five years old; Helga must have had him well she was still 15. So our at the end of sophomore year. We can go to him today Arnold." Phoebe spoke quickly and anxiously. Arnold's jaw hung open dumbfounded.

"Arnold please just get in the car. I owe this one last task to Helga." Phoebe pleaded. Arnold obliged not uttering a single word as Phoebe grabbed his hand and Gerald clutched Arnold's shoulder. Together they climbed down the fire escape. They left Hillwood behind in the rearview mirror headed towards uncertainty.


	11. Chapter 11

WRITER'S NOTE: Took me a while but here it is! Thank you all for your comments with out them I wouldn't continue making the time to post. This story is unraveling. Don't fret after a few more chapters there will be a lot more tapes coming your way! Keep the loyalty guys and I'll keep the posts. This is my longest fan fic yet so bare with me! Happy readings!

Chapter 11

Mommy and me

"And she loved a little boy very, very much, even more than she loved herself" –Shel Silverstein

"How did you find Adain?" Arnold prodded Phoebe meekly. She smiled tentatively from the passenger side as Gerald kept his eyes steadily on the road. "Helga told me." She explained and Arnold felt betrayal and anger a hot rod burning under his skin. His feelings must have registered in his facial expression because Phoebe hurried to explain. "When we were in Helga's locker I took a more recently written in notebook. It was from a few months before Helga's passing," She handed Arnold a spiral pink notebook already opened to a page. It was more recent than the one Arnold had hidden in his bookshelf. Arnold focused on nothing else. When it's too difficult to deal with being in your own head why not escape into someone else's? That's exactly what Arnold did used Helga's memory as escapism.

NOVEMBER 2011

1183 on the corner of First and Amsted Bronx NY

I know that smoking is a rather raunchy habit. I was certain I kicked the habit many moons ago. I guess it's like Mark Twain said: "Quitting smoking is the easiest thing; I would know I've done it a thousand times." Here I was though with a cigarette, my sixth one at that. I had been chain smoking all morning my nerves completely shot. My hands quivered anxiously and ever so often I'd accidentally burn myself in a lame attempt to steady my shaky palms. My whole existence boiled down to this one encounter that would surly come sooner than I could have ever hoped.

I wasn't sure how soon my seemingly irrelevant life would call for its last stage scene. Did I have a day, week, month, or year? Who knew? Time was of the essence. You're here today and gone tomorrow. I knew that all too soon I'd be taking one last bow for the performance labeled as my life. I knew the plan I had to initiate soon. Honestly I was slightly afraid to begin executing my hypothesis. I had a choice thanks to my stalker, kill or be killed. I had considered many a night killing him. I had stopped such wicked thoughts from making their course into detail even within my own mind. However, one thing anyone could guarantee from me is one single concept: Helga Garaldine Pataki is totally boss. I am hardcore even I had to admit that one to myself. I would play this creep's game but in the end I would win. If I had to be hacked off like the least favored character in a sitcom then it would be by my strict terms.

Time seemed to slip away from me most days. It was as if I had a bomb strapped to my chest slowly ticking my time away. It took a different type of bravery to except and embrace your own end. I wished my death could have been simple to execute and exploit courage; like jumping in front of a bullet for a loved one. Instead mine would be treacherous, painful, and tedious as it slowly closed in on me. My only relief knew that the beast would go down with me. I had an elaborate scheme my stalker would not anticipate. I was going out with a bang and so was his reputation.

I had scrounged through files amongst files on a wild goose chase. All my labors had paid off. I had gone birthday shopping for the man who worked at the city documentary building. I had been his slave and extraordinary secretary. Always I was out of character being sickeningly sweet to the old loon. All my hard work and searching for a single scroll of paper. That scroll of paper was my universe tucked away safe in the confines of the lace in my bra. It was the address to the destination of my true hearts desire. It was the address to my only son.

So here I was my nerve completely shot as I sucked down my cigarettes. A mixture of slight rage bristled through me as I shivered in the cold. After stealing my baby, leave it to Bob to hand something so pure to petty criminals. The couple had been drug dealers and had intended to sell Aidan. The cops found him before the business transaction and Aidan had lived in an all boys orphanage ever since. How dare Bob give my child the same fate of an Orphan just like my poor lover? I hated Bob in this moment so intensely that my body almost convulsed with furry. My eyes darted to the orphanage across the street. Crimany the injustice of it all!

It was an all brick building it looked ancient. It was worn down like it was a historical landmark. Across the street was children's park the fences covered in spray paint graffiti. I stood in front of the park lacking the strength to enter the orphanage. I had never been a coward so why was I now? I had no way to brace myself bravery was tossed upon me.

There he was I knew him in an instant. Aidan was exquisite. I tip toped in my high top Converse hiding behind a tree. Hiding gave me a warped old familiar feeling. This was not the first corn flower haired boy I had spied on. He was more lovely then any of my wildest imaginings. I recognized Arnold's wild untamable blonde hair. I smirked to myself pleased he'd inherited Arnold's long button nose

And wide warm toothy grin. I took notice of my own azure shaded eyes peering glum towards the orphanage ahead of him. His head shaped oval just like myself. He'd taken every attractive feature to produce a perfect and handsome mixture of his parents, of Arnold and I.

My heart fluttered gleefully as I ease dropped on him. He was so small only five years old. A jolt of pain ebbed at my soul. A five-year-old had no business walking alone. My mind recalling many memories of walking towards kindergarten in the chill of winter. "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket

Never let it fade away! Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Save it for a rainy day." The optimism seeping from Aidan screamed of being the product of Arnold. Besides for my eyes he appeared to be Arnold's carbon copy. I smiled to myself it was nice seeing the physical manifestation of our life long love. There he was walking through the park. Walking was the breathing proof of the miracles love could create.

There was a noise behind Aidan and two pairs of sapphire eyes snapped towards the sound. His eyes half lidded dreamily and he seemed to swoon. I snorted to myself. Behind him was a little ebony haired girl. Her pale skin splashed with red as her scraped knee bled. "Hi Helena," Aidan gushed as he ripped a piece of his shirt soaking it in a nearby fountain. He tentatively knelt beside her and I couldn't help but notice that her eyes were green just like my own childhood sweetheart.

"Hey Aidan," She sniffed as he patted her cut.

"You'll be okay promise," He pulled a Band-Aid from his pocket.

Gingerly he put the Band-Aid over her scraped knee.

"Thanks!" She perked up and I stuffed down a laugh it was obvious the two had a crush.

"Well, don't get any ideas, you're still a coodie carrying girl," Yup, there was the evidence that

He came from my womb.

"Okay whatever you say Aidan," She giggled.

"Yeah, Helena whatever I say." He pointed his thumb to his chest and I bit my tongue to silence the laughter. It was peculiar how time frames seemed to repeat a vicious continual cycle. Maybe lives were like names. There are so many people in one world that there will always be someone else with your name. Maybe there are so many people that there will always be someone recycling your habits and situations as well.

There was a clatter and the sound of rowdy boys shoving each other to the grass. I slid to a nearer tree. "Aidan I'm scared," the girl cried teary eyed. He gave her a sincere and concerned glance. The tender look, though seen through Aidan's blue eyes for the first time, was all too familiar to me. I'd seen the same stare a thousand times through the jade eyes of his father. "There she is! Give us your lunch money little girl!" It was obvious that these kids were a few years older then them. She hid behind Aidan peeping meekly behind him.

Aidan was a true product of me there was no intimidation in his eyes. "Listen up! Leave her alone or," the biggest bully cut him off. "Or what kid?" He gave Aidan a shove. "Or I'll, I'll, I'll pound you!" He glared up at the bully boldly. "Pound me?" The bully challenged more than asked. "Yeah I'll pound you with my fists stupid!" His voice growing tougher with each threat. The combination of our personalities was almost BI-polar and frankly slightly scary. There was no telling how good or bad Aidan could be with such polar opposites loaning their DNA for his characteristics.

"You're a bold kid Aidan; a bold kid!" Helena squeaked. Aidan threw up his small slender fists as his chest stuck out clearly trying to act braver than he felt. The bully snatched Aidan by his blue plaid shirt and something awakened inside me. Something that had been dormant in me for quite sometime. Maternal instinct engulfed my senses. My brain shut down as my body lost control in an instinctual act of love. I charged foreword revealing myself to the stunned group of kids. My hand clutching at the bully's T-shirt lifting him into the air.

"Listen here you little punk. Ever touch this kid again so much as look at him and I will pound you and any other big kid you bring so hard your bald headed granny will feel it!" I didn't threaten I promised it through barred teeth. My eyes darted towards his little posse. "That goes for all of you too!" I snapped and the bullies began to back away. They should have known better than to mess with big momma bear's tiny cub.

I released the portly ten-year-old in my hands. "Aidan never said he had a scary big sister!" One rowdy boy piped up. "Let's just go!" The leader, I had embarrassed barked, as they all tripped and scrambled to run away. "Get on home now! You have no business walking around by yourselves anyway! Probably get into trouble if your mommy's knew where you were!" I shouted after them shaking my fist menacingly in the air.

"Aidan my hero!" The little girl squeaked. He smirked as she kissed him on the cheek his ivory skin flushing a faint pink. "Bye!" She called out running the opposite way of the orphanage. As she raced home I acknowledged what I had failed to register earlier. I had been so lost in the moment I hadn't realized it had started heavily snowing. My heart tore apart worse in that instant then when Bob had snatched the boy from my arms. It was freezing, snowing even, and all my little boy had for shelter from the cold was a plaid shirt and thin tattered blue jeans.

A few tears tumbled down to my chin from the brim of my blue eyes. Immediately I pried my jacket off slinging it over the shoulders of this little boy, this beautiful little boy that Arnold my love and I had created. I had never had the pleasure of viewing someone so stunning in my lifetime nor would I ever again spot someone as ravishing as this pale blonde little boy.

"I know you," He beamed up at me and I almost tripped over my feet as I stumbled towards him amazed.

"I know you too, how do you know me?" I pondered tentatively my hand frozen in the air longing to touch him but fearing he would shrink away.

"Mother Tamara said that when I met my momma I would know." He smiled and in his smile a flicker of another boy's smile flashed before me. I had spent a lifetime since I was three years old in the presence of that same smile. Somehow it was more heart fluttering from this little child then it had ever been from his father. It was a different sort of love. I thought I could never love someone with more intensity. As I looked into Aidan's azure eyes in that stare I realized I would burn in the fiery depths of hell for all eternity just for him with a smile on my lips.

"How do you know I'm your momma." I asked in wonder. Aidan took my pale pink manicured hand. No longer did it float absently in the air. My hand had found refuge in my baby's chilled hands. He took my hand and placed it over his chest. I could feel the beat of his heart a steady strong thudding. "I feel it here momma." He stated simply and a sob escaped my lips. I was always strong but I had never felt as weak as I did in this moment. I didn't know how to respond seeing him was so surreal.

I gazed into his blue eyes; sinking into the ocean tides of depths that lingered inside Aidan's irises. In his eyes appeared to be the soul of an old man not a child. Suddenly I felt ignorant as if though I was nineteen I lacked the same quality of knowledge. I pulled him into my arms and it was a natural act. He was made just for me. He fit snug in my arms. He belonged in my arms. Aidan let me cling onto him even given the bizarre upcoming of it all.

"You're leaving now Momma." It wasn't a question but a statement.

"Yes, momma has something very important to do. If I could take you forever and always

I would honey," I crooned, a tenderness I rarely inherited exerting its self for him.

"Momma will you come back?" He asked softly wiping the tears racing down my cheeks.

I couldn't bring myself to answer the question. How could I tell this pure child that our first hello would also be our last goodbye? I couldn't, I wouldn't, and I didn't.

"Aidan Momma is going to send you her guardian angel." I began to explain.

"An angel?" Aidan asked excitedly.

"Yes darling an angel," I couldn't take my eyes of him; he himself appeared to be absolute perfection, and seemed to be an angel of his own kind. "He's the loveliest. You will know who I've sent once you see him, just like you knew me." This conversation was unbearable. I longed to be normal for just one day. To take my son to a ball game. To watch him play in to grass. To be able to kiss his scraped knees better. Alas, though, I Helga Pataki could never have a normal life.

"How? Will I feel it?" He pointed to his heart and I laughed.

"He will have very green eyes and hair just like you Aidan. He'll smile at you and it'll be just like your smile. You'll look at each other and be so happy that you won't even question it. You'll know your angel because mommy is going to send him soon."

"Will he love me?" He asked shyly his blue eyes staring at his feet as he shuffled them.

"He'll love you more than the bees love honey." I promised secure. Arnold would love him if he knew of Aidan I was sure of it. He would know soon enough it as all part of my plan.

I stood to walk away before I could no longer control my legs.

"Momma!" Aidan called out and I spun around. The sound of his tiny voice calling me momma was lovelier than Beethoven's symphony.

"Yes?" I asked lifting my left eyebrow.

"I love you this much!" He stretched his arms as wide as they could go. I experienced euphoria and heartbreak in the same instant. I wasn't sure if I would just combust from all my feelings.

"I love you more than there are stars in the sky. When you look at the moon know that it's protecting you. We'll always be under the same sky and I'll watch over you. I love you to the moon and back again baby," I promised with every fiber of my being.

"Promise?" Aidan rushed up to me his pinkie sticking out for my pinkie to latch to.

"I pinkie promise." I latched pinkies and kissed our latched fingers.

I turned around and continued to walk. Aidan did not follow nor call out to me. I knew that this was how it had to be. I was just forever in gratitude to have been able to see my baby one last time. I had gotten to touch him, kiss him, and talk to him. I had gotten to express love to the one being who had ever gotten my whole entire heart and soul. That one encounter was enough to make me feel complete. I was now ready for phase two of my plan. With the memory of Aidan's kisses tingling on my cheeks I could face the dangers ahead of me. I could withstand the beginning of the end.

Arnold finished reading. He was astounded. He knew that he wasn't always the most alert but how could Helga have lived a double life right before his eyes? The emotional shock of reading about his son; their son, was extreme. It was almost like blunt trauma. Arnold almost felt as if he had post dramatic stress. There was a silver lining to all this though. It was Arnold's most defining quality. He was mister bright side always finding positives. He'd found his positive. He would meet his son, his son knew he was going to be saved from the orphanage, when Arnold returned to Hillwood it would be with his and Helga's son Aidan.


	12. Chapter 12

WRITER'S NOTE: I seem to have lost some readers along the way. So sad, but on a happy note we have reached a hundred replies! Yay me! I am so happy to get all the feed back that I do and hopefully I'll receive more to encourage me to keep writing. I have been sick, stressed with bills and work, yet as long as I have loyalty in my readers I feel a loyalty in myself to see this story through. Which honestly I enjoyed the out lit of writing this rather longer chapter for you guys,

ALSO I have started another fan fic FREAK FRIDAY. If you like this fic then you should check that one out as well since there's a post coming your way for that story now too. Thanks for reading and as always remember your thoughts are highly valued so review now or forever hold your peace!

Chapter 11

"She said "kiss me it'll heal, but it won't forget".

"Kiss me it'll heal, but it won't forget". I don't mind you keeping me on pins and needles.

If I could stick to you, you could stick me too." Don't break,

Don't break my heart, and I won't break your heart shaped glasses.

Little girl, little girl you should close your eyes,

That blue is getting me high.

Making me low." Marilyn Manson (heart shaped glasses)

Arnold could still recall the first time he kissed Helga. Helga had kissed him many times. Once on the beach for a television show. Once for a play she'd kissed him. Once she even kissed him on a rooftop just because she wanted to. All those times though Helga had kissed Arnold.

It was the summer before freshman year. Arnold played guitar and Helga was a drummer. Gerald could rap and Sid could sing. Stinky was a good base and all these talents combined made for a great inner city band. They had a lot of gigs that summer so Arnold spent a lot of time with Helga. Besides for Gerald, Helga was Arnold's best friend though he never admitted it to her or himself even.

Every day after practiceHelga would walk with Arnold to the boarding house. They'd have dinner at his house and then Arnold walked her home leaving her at the first step of her stoop. It was a routine that Arnold had grown accustom to. Arnold enjoyed routine. Routines were strategic and safe. Arnold enjoyed playing it safe. He enjoyed knowing what to do, when to do it, and just how to proceed. He did not like when he couldn't regain control to resolve situations. Arnold would much rather self-preserve himself versus harming himself with emotional risks. There for Arnold always stuck with logic.

His huge crush on Helga Pataki was illogical. She made him feel things and feelings were something a guy like Arnold couldn't control. He could however contain them. He'd learned through the loss of his parents and other life experiences that not keeping a level head could be dangerous. That was the problem with girls they were so easily led by their hearts. Arnold used his head instead. This was why Arnold dated whoever was easily led. He liked his women predictable and bland because it meant security to him. Lack of attachment was security. If the person doesn't mean much to you it won't mean much when you loose them.

Since sixth grade Helga had meant something. She was a scorching flame and Arnold was a helpless moth always flying towards the light and in the end getting singed. He was comfortable repressing his feelings it was the safest choice. It was better, the alternative being that he admit that he was human with feelings and get hurt for it. This was why he dated Lila Sawyer she was predictable, boring, easily led, and safe. Lila was absolutely the opposite of what his heart of hearts wanted. Arnold wanted Helga point blank.

He glanced over at her. She was beautiful but not in a typical sort of way. Cosmopolitan had girls believing that beauty was pink lipstick, frilly dresses, and five-inch stilettos. Helga must have skipped that magazine and picked up Sports Illustrated instead. Today Helga's hair was in a long blonde fishtail braid that rested at her waist. She'd placed a bright red rose in her hair that contrasted intriguingly with her light colored strands. She wore a black tank top and over her tank top she'd cut a Pantera band shirt to rest at her shoulders. She matched her top with black jean shorts and simple flip-flops. Helga was definitely not a fashionista.

What captivated Arnold the most was her face. She'd long ago plucked her unibrow into two perfectly arched brows after months of Nadine pestering and Rhonda teasing. She had a round button nose that was rather cute when she crinkled it to empathize her signature scowl. Her pout painted a sexy shade of red. It was ravishing when Helga smiled on occasion because her ivory teeth sparkled in contrast to the red shade of her lips. Arnold most liked her wide blue eyes. Dark thick eyeliner and mascara extenuated her peepers. They held the depths of the ocean in their azure irises. They pulled Arnold into the tides of her soul every time sapphire irises encountered his own Jade irises. Her eyes were revealing and Arnold liked them best. He liked a little glimpse into the eccentric workings of the peculiar gal.

Today Helga hid her eyes away from Arnold. She wore wide pink heart shaped glasses. All Arnold saw was his reflection glinting back through the tinted glass. He hated how his eyes were exposed reflecting his every action and reaction back at him. Meanwhile Helga's thoughts hidden behind her shades. He had half a mind to rip them off her face and smash them on the baking hot pavement.

"What are you staring at bucko?" She demanded her dainty fist shaking in the air. Her high pitched raspy voice lacked any intimidation.

"Nothing. Just wondered why anyone would wear those dork glasses," He wrinkled his nose in playful disapproval. Nothing in his actions exposed his actual reason of irritation towards Helga's glasses.

"Well, not anyone would wear these glasses. You see only someone as boss as me could pull them off. Hence why they belong to me." She gave him one of her rare grins and he could swear his heart skipped a beat like he was on cocaine.

"Whatever you say Helga," He couldn't help it he smiled right back like an idiot.

"Yes, Arnold whatever I say," She stuck her nose in the air and Arnold shoved her playfully.

"Hey watch it!" She scolded.

Arnold proceeded to toss her over his shoulder. Helga gave a few light love taps of rebellion but caved in easily letting Arnold carry her the rest of the way to his house.

Arnold had grown and found he resembled the old tattered picture of his father. He was 6'0 tall with untamable blonde hair. His skin tanned from the endless days running around the city helping the inhabitants in any way that he could. He liked to help everyone. It was much easier to focus on someone else's issues than face your own. Helping them helped Arnold live in a comforting la-la land of denial. No one asked Arnold what was going on with himself. No one except Helga that is. Helga was always trying to pry. It was a bad habit they were both guilty of. Both of them tried prying into the inner thoughts of the other. Both would shove the other away. Helga would push him away rashly and bluntly. Arnold was cleverer delicately changing the subject or leaving the topic with half-truths. Overall when they weren't getting under each other's skin she was his Wonder Woman and he her Superman.

He set her down pushing her behind him to shield her from the stampede of stray animals rushing through the opened front door. Over the years his grandma had added new additions to her wild clan of cats and dogs. Helga moved aside waltzing into Arnold's house with finesse. She fit in well with the weird boarders that Arnold had learned to label as his family. It wasn't an orthodox and typical family but it was the only family Arnold had ever known.

"Helga you robbed me!" Oskar whined as soon as she walked in.

"She won that money fair and square Kokoschka!" Mr. Potts countered before Helga could speak.

"You cheat anyway!" Mr. Hyunh cut in with his choppy accent.

Helga smiled and the happiness touched her eyes. She always had fun at Arnold's house. She had yet to ever invite him to her house it bugged Arnold a little bit.

"Listen here lame brain I won that game of Black Jack. Three times I got 21 three strikes and your out!" She poked Oskar's chest with her petite pink polished finger.

"Your girlfriend cheats Arnold!" Oskar complained.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Arnold announced too quickly as he tried to suppress the flush threatening to creep up his cheeks.

"He wishes; in his wet dreams maybe." Helga scuffed but the joke came out flatly.

"Anyway I have the money in my bra right now geek bait. I'll thumb wrestle you for it. If you win I'll even give you ten extra bucks. If I win then that'll be another Abraham Lincoln my way. " Helga spit on her hand extending it for Oskar to shake.

"You're on little girl! Oskar shook her hand vigorously.

"Guys let's not be hasty," Arnold interjected.

"Oh can it Football head," Helga countered.

"Your gal is one tough cookie," Mr. Pots tapped Arnold's shoulder.

"Yes, she is very strange; I like her." Mr. Hyunh chimed in.

"She's my friend Mr. Pots just my friend." Arnold strained the word just.

Arnold couldn't help but chuckle as Helga won the thumb war for a third time. She collected her five bucks before sauntering off to Arnold's kitchen. She was too comfortable as if she'd been in and out of Arnold's place her whole childhood. She even knew which rickety floorboards to step around. It seemed natural to Helga. Arnold knew her home life had never been ideal; was neglectful even. He wondered if Helga considered his mix-matched family as her perfect match. Maybe this was home to Helga and Arnold would not deprive her of the comfort.

"Let me guess shortman you brought your little friend with the big pink bow and the one eyebrow over." Grandpa Phil teased.

"Grandpa," Arnold reprimanded.

"Yup, it's me again Gramps." Helga replied tenderly. Grandpa chuckled his face hidden under the sink. Helga handed him a wrench as she watched him fixing the sink. Arnold softly tugged his grandpa to his feet taking the wrench to correct the leak in the sink himself.

"Hello Eleanor, I see you're Kimba's date for the ball tonight."

Arnold was relieved that his face was under the sink. He was blushing profusely. He wasn't sure why but it seemed that his grandma couldn't recall Helga's name always insisting her name was Eleanor. Arnold tried explaining; but his grandmother would simply wave her hands at him, insisting that "Eleanor" and her went way back and were good aquatints.

Helga had a soft spot for Pookie and went along with her entitlement of Eleanor. She even took the time to play along with grandma's schemes. Arnold had brought Lila a few times. She was polite but never took the time to be as involved with his grandparents as Helga often did. Grandpa couldn't even remember Lila's name calling her Lulu all the time.

"Pookie stop it you'll embarrass Arnold's little girlfriend!" Grandpa scolded and Arnold again thanked the sink for hiding his face.

"I don't dance much Roosevelt." Helga admitted chipper.

"Why Eleanor you must except one last dance with Kimba!" Grandma insisted.

"Well Mr. President may I ask why?" Helga insisted and Arnold could imagine that her left brow was raised.

"You must have your last dance before the clock strikes midnight. You're Kimba's Cinderella we all know that your foot fits in the red slipper dear girl!" Grandma exclaimed with charisma.

Now Arnold had gone from embarrassed to humiliated! Grandma was mentioning the red slipper from a mystery date he'd had with some girl named Cecile as a child. It wasn't like he expected to find her or anything lame like that. It was just a nice memory so he'd kept the heel as a memorabilia. He was grateful that Helga would have no clue what his grandma was talking about anyway.

He lifted himself out from under the sink to stand at full height. Helga and grandma exchanged knowing looks and for a moment Arnold wondered if grandma had said something before. Maybe Helga did know the Cecile story after all. Arnold chuckled to himself of course she didn't he was just being paranoid. Helga began to laugh hysterically. Arnold glanced at his grandpa that gave him a look that said She can't help it she's a women they're all nutty.

"Roosevelt I would much rather dance with you. I think you're my price charming." Helga chuckled.

"I simply will not continue the ball until Cinderella has her last dance. Which means no after party; meaning, there will be no feast later." Grandma and Helga were a perfect pair both ornery and stubborn.

"Pookie made turkey so if you don't want the boarders having you two for dinner instead then I'd show my patriotism and accept the President's ball invitation." Grandpa encouraged if only for the sake of his dinnertime.

"Oh fine!" Helga huffed blowing a stray hair out of her face. "What song?" Grandpa asked. "Well Mr. President we'll be dancing to our song!" Grandma replied sliding a record into the player. "You're the Eleanor to my Theodore any day Pookie." Grandpa gushed. The music encircled the tiny kitchen. Arnold smiled amused as his grandpa swooped his grandma in his arms both dancing and looking into each other's eyes like lovesick teenagers.

"I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places. That this heart of mine embraces, all day through. In that small café, the park across the way, the children's carousel, the chestnut trees the wishing well. "

The man on the record sang in a sweet serenade. Arnold confidently reached his hand out to Helga as he bowed formally. Helga's hand covered her lips in a girlie giggle. Arnold was pleased to peel back Helga's hard layers, to penetrate the sensitive side. She was captivating and flattering when she was nice. She took his hand gingerly and Arnold pulled her briskly into his chest staring into those enchanting blue eyes. The song made him recall their tree house as kids. He thought of the ice-cream café he'd carried Helga to when she'd faked being blind; all the times they'd gone there to split a sundae. He thought of all the times in junior high playing catch in the park. His mind wondered to the fair. This one sentence lulling Arnold into a million moments with this one crazy blonde. This summer with Helga had been the most fun Arnold had in a long time.

"_In every lovely summer's day, in everything that's light and gay, I'll always think of you that way." _

Helga sighed as she leaned her back into Arnold's chest he spun her around their feet gliding in sync to the beat. Both lost in the song. Arnold didn't even care that he was supposed to be hiding his crush. Actions speak louder then words. His movements said it all to Helga. They both swayed just enjoying each other's company in his crammed kitchen_. _

"_I'll find you in the morning sun, and when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon but I'll be seeing you."_

Arnold's mind strayed to a dream long ago of a girl he'd longed to hold gazing at the moon reciting poetry. Hilda wasn't too far off from the girl in his arms now. Funny how the subconscious knows what you want long before it fully registers with yourself.

"I'll find you in the morning sun, and when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon but I'll be seeing you." Arnold sang the melody as the song came to a close and they gazed at one another inches from each other's face. Arnold felt that fuzzy feeling that was headed towards dangerous waters. Arnold didn't favor romance; he couldn't control feelings. He enjoyed the song and holding Helga without question.

"Ah, Phil true loves first kiss!" Gertie grinned,

"Pookie that's such a Disney channel cliché." Phil mocked.

Arnold was beat red as he yanked himself away. It was true he had been about to kiss Helga rather boldly on the lips. Just as he was about to die from his mortification Helga bailed him out of humiliation reminding him why he loved her so much in the first place.

"We weren't kissing he was just telling my lips a secret." She chuckled nudging his grandpa lightly with her elbow as she bent down to pull the turkey out of the oven for grandma. Dinner was delicious as all the boarders dug in. Helga and Arnold split a wishing bone. Helga got the bigger piece and closed her eyes whispering a wish under her breath. Arnold wondered what on Earth a girl like her would wish for. His grandparents had turned into bed early. It was around the time that Arnold would walk Helga home but he didn't want her to leave. Arnold didn't mention walking home; nor did Helga say it's getting late. Instead, both chattered, joked, and laughed laying flat on their backs on Arnold's rooftop.

"So how's it going with Ms. Perfect?" Helga taunted rather jealously.

"Same as always," Arnold replied dully failing to mention that always meant boring as ever.

"Have you slept with her yet?" Helga asked rudely.

"That's a rude way to put it and no." Arnold scolded.

"Why not?" Helga demanded.

"I don't have enough experience." Arnold mumbled shyly.

"You don't want to be lame in the sack I can get that." Helga mused.

The blondes exchanged looks and Helga's eyes flared with wild ideas racing through her.

"I'll let you practice." Helga inquired.

"What?" Arnold spluttered stunned.

"You can practice your moves for Lila on me there's just one catch," Helga added,

"What?" Arnold was floored with her rash demeanor.

"Catch being; I let you practice your technical skills on my body, but, you can't tell anyone including Gerald and Phoebe. Also, no breaking your heart when you realize you're in love with me not her."

It was true he was in love with Helga. Lila was a childhood lust he craved the purity and innocence she brought to a bleak desolate neighborhood. That's all Lila was though lust. Helga was his charisma and silent stone of strength. He'd always had Helga in his life he didn't want to risk loosing her because he didn't know how to live any other way. He recalled in childhood how his body had always pulled naturally towards hers always ready to protect or attract. He remembered all the times her strange antics had captivated him, how he would find himself following her uncertain as to why. Almost every time he'd discover as he followed her that she would mumble undecipherable poetry. He'd always make a logical helpful excuse covering that he'd allowed her to lead him in the first place. There was a part of him that would always be crazy about her, a part of him that would never allow him to say it either.

"Thanks but no thanks." Arnold insisted.

"What am I not your type? Not interested in a girl with more then half a brain?" Helga nagged.

"No, I'm just not going to take advantage of my friend." Arnold scolded.

"If anything Mr. Goodie two shoes it's me taking advantage of your virtue." Helga reprimanded.

"You're stunning really, but I can't." Arnold wanted to bite his tongue did he really randomly blurt how beautiful she was?

Her lips parted into a dazzling shiny pearl smile. His heart did that involuntary cramping again as his stomach did unwelcome whirls.

"It's okay to be selfish Arnold." She whispered in his ear lifting her silhouette above his own. She'd untied her braid and her stray blonde strands tickled his cheeks.

"It's okay to want what you want. It's okay to indulge. You always give yourself with nothing in return. Let someone do that for you. Let me give you a part of me." She promised.

It wasn't enough! He'd spent his whole life craving all of her to understand every aspect of this anomaly of a girl. It was a start though. He knew he should shut her idea down before one of them ended up miserable but he couldn't. She could read his mind. She knew his sufferance of a born giver. She cared however unconventional it was enough to give him something he could utterly control, allowing him to be the receiver for once. Something that was for him to do whatever he saw hit right or wrong. She'd sacrificed her body. He knew he needed to release this power over her before he'd even reigned it in but he couldn't. He wanted it; he needed her.

"I can't Helga," He shut his eyes turning his gaze away from those peering azure eyes overhead.

She took his hand. Her hands were fragile, delicately soft and slender. She leaned her head so that the vibration of her voice tickled his earlobe. Her hand was almost as chilled as his own even given that it was a warm summer evening.

"You know what they say, cold hands; warm heart," with that Helga's dainty fingers traced circular patterns underneath Arnold's shirt and he shivered but not from the cold. Her hands rested on his chest over his heart. He bit his inner cheek to stifle the sigh. She continued to hover, her hand over his heart. He wanted to tell her all that he felt with the ability to still take it all back.

"Can I whisper sweet nothings in your ear?" He whispered they weren't nothings but she didn't need to know that. "Yes, we can. Whisper away my beloved." It stung to know her words meant nothing. She leaned down and kissed him intensely. He kissed her back and began the sessions that would go on for months on end.

THREE MONTHS LATER

Arnold and Helga had been fooling around well not entirely. Arnold had experimented but had not actually allowed Helga to physically respond to him. He always waited for her to kiss him initiating contact. Allowing her the first kiss was almost first nature to him after all the times she'd pressed her lips to his. As long as she gave him a sweet kiss he knew what he was doing was approved by her. He thrived off being a people pleasure and their approval; especially Helga's approval. It wasn't that he didn't want to let her because he really did. He just couldn't snatch her innocence away from her. Helga was more desecrate about it then Lila but in all actuality Helga starved for love and was nieve. She was innocent underneath it all.

He liked the control. He liked when she whispered his name begging, pleading, for him. Most of all he adored being needed. He was no fool he knew Lila was just as much secretly in love with Wolfgang as he was Helga. He had yet to touch Lila. Yet, Helga hadn't even bothered asking him if he had. Almost every night he explored Helga's anatomy under the pale moonlight. She was truly a work of art more lovelies then any of his dozens of paintings. He marveled over her a prize for his eyes to behold. It was difficult walking past her in the halls pretended to their friends that she meant nothing while holding on to Lila's clammy warm hands.

Stinky was crushing on Helga pretty bad. It happened often since elementary school off and on Stinky built up feelings then met someone else. Stinky dated someone else they'd break up and the pattern would repeat. Helga enjoyed Stinky's southern charm but she didn't want him the way he wanted her. Arnold wasn't too sure if that was true though. As the school year began he questioned if Helga did in fact enjoy Stinky's company too much. Arnold's blood often boiled at the thought as jealousy throbbed viciously in his veins. Often nights he was lusty tormenting Helga for the days of jealousy she inflicted confrontational inside him.

It was Rhonda's party and Helga and Stinky were dancing. Arnold tugged at his black tie annoyed as Lila straightened out his red plaid coat. He paid her no mind as her other hand sipped on a martini. Lila wore a green mini dress that bared too much leg. Her hair did up in knots. Many boys looked on at her in envy of Arnold. Their envy did not touch him as he enviously glared at Stinky. Stinky was quite handsome. Tall with dark shaggy hair a long nose balanced with a prominent jaw line. Any girl would love Stinky with his rocker bad boy with a heart of gold image. So why not Helga too?

She wore a pink heart shaped cocktail dress. Her blonde hair pins straight resting like platinum sheets of silver at her waist. Stinky twirled her and she laughed about a joke Arnold couldn't hear. "Lila I think I need fresh air." Arnold spoke up nauseated. Helga warned him this would happen that he would fall in love, but you couldn't trip over something that had already knocked you down long before. "Okay Arnold," Lila replied timidly as Wolfgang flashed her a smile from across the dace floor. Arnold didn't like these angry feelings. He preferred to be neutral. His emotions seethed with anger as he stalked past nudging Stinky as hard as he could well walking towards the balcony doors.

"Hey Arnold what's the deal?" Sticky snapped.

"Stop being a klutz and stumbling into people then." Arnold replied matter of fact.

"Why Arnold you don't sound like you not one bit." Stinky was taken aback and Arnold was pissed.

"Who am I exactly huh? Tell me Stinky since you know me so damn well!" Arnold shouted gaining the attention of the crowd.

"Well Arnold you're a good fella with a good heart." Stinky remained calm startled by Arnold's random attack. "It's not like I get a choice. I'm so busy giving all of you what you ask of me, not ask demand of! I never get what I want. Maybe I'm sick of everything. Maybe I'm sick of being Mr. Bright side. Maybe I'm sick of you Stinky!" With that Arnold shoved him and Stinky returned the gesture. It was escalating to a fistfight. Honestly Arnold's hands itched to connect to Stinky's lips that had moments ago been connecting to the same ear Arnold had spent all yesterday night whispering sweet something's to.

"Shut up idiots!" Both boys turned to Helga who shook her fist in the air.

"You both are stupid childish little boys. Stop being boys and act like men." Her eyes glanced over at Arnold whose Jade eyes glared a ferocious jaguar on the hunt.

"Come on Stinky he's just drunk lets go get a beer." Sid appeared out from the woodwork stepping between Stinky and Arnold. Sid was the only one not done up. Sid had his usual green fitted hat flipped backwards and his favorite tattered old pair of skinny jeans on over a pair of white high tops.

"Yeah, I reckon Arnold just needs an attitude adjustment." Stinky agreed shrewdly. With that Sid tugged on Stinky's sleeve and they both walked away. Lila stuck her nose in the air clearly pissed as she and Wolfgang waltzed past leaving the party together.

The crowd went back to dancing some in the beginning stages of gossip already. Arnold could care less all he cared about was the girl with the big blue eyes and plump pink lips standing before him. She crossed her arms angry as she stomped on Arnold's foot and began to storm out the front door.

Arnold chased after her his head pounding. Sid was right Arnold did have a few drinks. He wasn't plastered but it probably did have to do a lot with the lack of his regular emotional restraint.

"Helga stop!" Arnold's voice heavy his mouth numb from peppermint snaps.

"Shove off Arnold-o." Helga hollered as she turned into the City Park.

"Its 10:30 at night you have no business walking alone!" Arnold yelled running after her.

"Oh brother give me a break!" Helga snapped as her heel broke. Furious she threw her heels to sink at the bottom of the lake. "Here Helga take mine. It's kind of cold out." Arnold slid his slip on shoes off that would be almost like clown shoes on little old Helga.

"What's your damage?" Helga kicked his shoes to the side glaring him down her eyes hardened blue crystals. Arnold peered, his Emerald eyes reflecting his frustration.

"You are, okay you! It's always been you. You drive me crazier then I already am!" Arnold threw his muscled arms into the air.

Her jaw dropped as her hands clearly itched to strike him but she refrained. "Drive you crazy? Try wanting you bone head! You don't want me but heaven forbid anyone else does." She crossed her arms her hip sticking out snappish.

"I'm like an old toy on your self Arnold. You don't want to play with me but if anyone else so much as touches me you'll destroy me before anyone else can have a turn." Arnold opened his mouth to argue but Helga ranted on.

"Oh no that's right you do play with me. I forgot every night you wash me out until your done with me then hang me out to dry all over again. Well it doesn't matter anyway Arnold I'm not yours. I'll do as I please. Our arrangement is done Arnold." Helga spun on her heels once more and Arnold followed her stumbling and leaving his shoes behind. The hard liquor catching up to him.

He pulled her into his arms and they tumbled on to the tall grass as he lost balance. He could smell the booze on both their breaths. He wished the situation were different. He wished they were somewhere romantic and that he would be able to woo her in a tender way like no one else had ever done for her. It wasn't different though and so he took what he had. He pinned her to the grass panting as he lay on top of her. His senses on edge as he smelt her signature scent of wild flowers.

"Helga, why are you doing this to me?" Arnold prodded.

"Doing what Arnold you're the one chasing me." Helga glared they were nose to nose.

"Why do you make me feel! I was happy sorting through everyone else's feelings, then you just waltz into my otherwise mellow life, and as always take your demented little mind and shake my world upside down!" His grasp on her was firm.

"I like danger Arnold. The surface of water is calm with slight ripples splashing across. Yet, if you should so much as slip, sink into its depths then it'll drag you under the thrashing current. Arnold you're my dangerous waters." Helga explained in her spiritual way that only she possessed.

"You make me selfish." Arnold spoke softly.

"Good," Helga challenged.

"You make me feel things I otherwise can't and maybe shouldn't." he continued on. "Good," Helga hissed.

"You make my blood boil and yet you're the only one who can calm me down." He added, "You're the Ying to my yang you complete me. Without you the world is Grey and obsolete. You give my dull life edgy colors and pastels of vibrant pinks and reds.

"Just say it Arnold," Helga argued.

"Say what exactly?" He pried.

"Say our deal is done. That you broke the rules you fell in love with me." Helga said rather pointedly.

"No, because I can't say that." Helga's face morphed into that of an expression of pain. It quickly shifted to her mask of rage as she flailed around trying to escape his grasp.

"I can't say that because if I do then it's over. I don't want it to be over. I want all of you for every moment of every day." He spoke quickly as she lay still once more. "If I say I love you then the story ends before it even begins. I'll pause this moment now to keep." He promised her in his deep monotone.

"Keep what moment us arguing in the cold, stranded in the middle of a park, with no shoes?" Helga was an eternal smart-ass and Arnold ignored her already amune to her bullshit since elementary school.

"Helga I sort of kind of love you." Arnold didn't dare say it fully knowing he was working with damaged good and that she would run otherwise.

"That's rich! I'm an all action kind of girl I don't have time for weak sauce words." Helga rolled out from under him. He pulled her down on top of him; supporting her weight by holding her arms gentle but firm, in order to indicate how serious he was about her remaining right where he'd put her.

"Then let me show you." He encouraged.

He tucked the hair falling on her face behind her ears scooping her face into his hands. He lowered her lip inches from his own. He could smell the mixture of her sweet gum and his own mint breath. His lips lightly brushed her plush pink pair. His teeth lightly grazed her bottom lips as he bit softly tasting her vanilla chap stick. He kissed her softly pulling her hair so that her face was closer. Arnold relished in the moment as his tongue grazed the smooth edges of her ivory front teeth. Her lips parted further permitting his tongue to whisper all the words he dare not speak. He grew rough letting all the pent up anger, passion, hate, and love for her seep into the kiss.

Some kisses are inevitable. You meet two people and you look upon their faces and you know some way, some how, those two are going to collide. It was only an approximated amount of time before the two young blondes at last had an all-consuming fatal attraction. At some point something had to give. They were bound to touch, caress, and kiss. This was the kiss both had spent their entire existence building up towards. Helga had kissed Arnold many a time. Her kisses were nice but nothing could have prepared them for the depths of Arnold. It was the kiss of true love.

PRESENT

Arnold could still remember his first kiss quite vividly. He could still taste Helga's sweet lips. As he closed the hotel room door only 30 minutes from his son's orphanage that he would be attending tomorrow his heart raced. His rather large hand brushed his tingling lips as if he were lost in time back at the park kissing her once more. He wasn't at the park though she was gone; gone lost in the wastelands of time. His heart was aching lost in a million memories trying to forget her. So, he'd found an unorthodox way to forget her but one that he hoped would work all the same. Anything to relieve his aching heart if only for an hour or two.

"Are you ready Arnold?" A blue eyed blonde lay sprawled out on his rented mattress. Her hair wasn't the right shade of blonde too dark and her eyes a lighter dull shade of blue. Her smile was blander lacking the authenticity of the girl Arnold wished so badly for this woman on his bed to be. She had the button nose though and if he just closed his eyes this stranger's voice had a similar raspy tone. He wrapped his arms around her and her body shape though not as supple was almost the same as Helga. He could pretend, pretend just this instance.

"Can I whisper sweet nothings in your ear?" He hissed in her ear. This time the sweet phrases truly would mean nothing at all. "We can whisper whatever you want." The woman promised. With that Arnold crushed his lips against hers loosing himself in her and forgetting all about the perpetual, agonizing, cancerous pain that seemed to otherwise drawn him in its sorrow.


	13. Chapter 13

WRITER'S NOTE: Chapter 13 of 13 Reasons why!Kay guys we are reaching our conclusion and this story is about to get INTENSE! So if you are a chicken heart you better leave now. Lol. The next chapter Arnold meets Aidan! You are about to be shocked with the twists and turns coming your guys way. I've been building to this point for months and I'm so excited to finally be at it and still have some readers! Yay for you guys who make this story possible! Please review what you guys think about my entry.

TAPE 4

BRIAN

"Get the bird, catch her shoot her, I don't care, Get the bird, bring her down to the ground from out the air

Gotta tear her apart, let me at her first! Sink her to the level of the rest of us that inherit the earth

What's she thinking? Does she really believe; that she's above the creatures that work the dirt and the streets

See her up in the tree, looking down at you and me. Like she's chosen over those who walk around on two feet. The bird, the melodies she play! The music she makes, rubbing our faces in the feces of the daybreak. Trying to remind us, its time to awake. Antagonizing and instigating my hate!

The chirps, I turn them into screams. My feathered friend's end will justify the means!

Disturbed, I'll grab her by her beak, and swing her in circles until she's too dizzy to speak! She thinks she's better then me just because she's free? I'll shake her from her branch, tear apart her nest. Break her skinny legs and fry her eggs up for breakfast! (She's a snake that can fly) she's just food for the fleas

She thinks she's better then me just because she's free?

My beautiful bird has gone away – My beautiful bird as gone away- my beautiful bird has gone away." –

Atmosphere

* * *

Arnold rolled off the young girl too ashamed to look her in her dim blue eyes or glance at her dishwater blonde hair. He'd met her at a random club bringing her back to a random hotel. She knew she'd only done it for a one-night stand with an attractive man so why do his moralities eat away at him? He felt guiltier that his guilt wasn't rooted from taking advantage of this random girl named Rebecca.

No, he was guilty because he'd betrayed Helga. A part of him deep down felt her presence still lingering. He wanted to believe somehow, some way, she was still alive and that he could make his family work. He felt like he'd cheated on her in a warped sort of way. He thought this woman could replace Helga but she hadn't in the slightest not even for the night. Helga was Arnold's childhood sweetheart, best friend, and the mother of his child; she was irreplaceable.

"Arnold I can walk home now." Rebecca said shyly and he cringed. Her voice so similar to Helga's that's why he'd picked her out of the dozens of women fawning over him. He glanced at the clock it was three in the morning. He couldn't make her walk out in the desperate night streets.

"No Rebecca it's okay just go to sleep." Arnold spoke softly his back still turned to her.

"Can I tell you something Arnold?" Rebecca asked openly.

"Sure," He replied sweetly he hadn't looked at her since they'd finished.

"I was in love with a boy named Austin. He was in the Military. We were engaged to wed but he never came back. Arnold they couldn't even find his body to bury. They sent me home tags. I still think sometimes that he's out there trying to make his way home." Rebecca paused and Arnold turned around to face her, perhaps maybe he and this stranger were not so different. He noticed now that draped on her neck was her lost lover's tag. Her thin lips curled into a smile as her finger traced the corner of Arnold's eye.

"He was a brunette but he had the same colored green eyes as you. I love Austin, Arnold. I needed you tonight. I know I wasn't the only one who was thinking of someone else." She added staring knowingly at him. He didn't understand but he felt like he owed this girl and explanation.

"She was blonde like you. Growing up she was the only other blonde then me and the only one with big dreams to match my own. She was like fire she flickered with a passion that warmed your heart or burned it." He smiled his wide grin. "You love her still don't you?" Rebecca commented.

"Everyday. I met her in pre-school, was friends with her in elementary school, fell in love in junior high, and lost her in high school. I'm trying to learn to live without her but since as far as I can remember she's always been there next to me." Arnold smiled recalling all Helga's insane and silly schemes growing up.

"What happened to her?" Rebecca pondered.

"She allegedly jumped off a rooftop. They never found her it's just hear say, because a large amount of her blood was found at the scene." Arnold's desperate hope seeping in his explanation.

"What was her name?" Rebecca inquired.

"Her name; her name was Helga." Arnold explained.

"I like that; Arnold and Helga, those names are so original they just go together." Rebecca grinned.

They shared stories back and forth until Rebecca fell asleep. Arnold couldn't rest. He snatched up his cassette player pulling his headphones over his ears as he crept into the bathroom sitting down on the cold tile. Hastily he pressed play Helga's raspy feminine voice encircling his eardrums.

* * *

"Hush my distempered breath." Helga began to wheeze strangely, "I said hush my distempered breath!" She mocked an echoing slap. "That was the common conversation between you and I often days. Yet, for whatever reason you liked me. I never liked you Brian Williams and for that I'm sorry. Or if we would go back to the dipper days I should say I never liked-liked you Brainy. There is however a level of respect I have for you. It takes a deep love to be completely and utterly more concerned with the other person's happiness then your own. Even with the depths of love I felt for the boy with the cornflower hair; I did not love him as selflessly as you loved me. You loved me enough Brian that you kept quiet about your feelings. You knew everything about me. You never made advances towards me. You loved me enough to be simply happy for me and hope the best for the one my heart truly belonged to. No one could love like you do Brainy. So like I said I'm sorry I couldn't love you Brian.

"_It began in pre-school. You trailed after me a lovesick puppy even with me being rough around the edges. No one knew me like you did Brian. You were always there lurking around. Why did you never talk Brainy? What were you thinking about? Everyday as you trailed behind me creeping into my hiding places did you ever consider the reasons why you followed in the first place? Was it just impulse? Is love impulse? It was impulse for me to strike back. Thank you for being my necessary release of rage. Thanks for being my favorite little punching bag. Brian I never admitted it to you; but Brian I needed you more then you realized. I needed you more then you ever needed me if you'd only taken the time to realize. _

_During high school you were the only one who soothed my aching heart Brainy. The only one who sympathized my grief in discovering Arnold and Lila's relationship. Alas, you were my Paris and Arnold my Romeo. Unlike Shakespeare's play however, my Romeo had disserted me for Rosalind. In the play that is my life Brainy you brought defining qualities to the character of Paris. You were the second choice the back up lover to keep my lonely nights warm. You knew I used you my heart pinning for my lost but forever love Romeo. The original story by Shakespeare all three wind up dead in the forsaken name of love. Romeo, Paris, and Juliet die for it. At least in this story you and Arnold will be spared. I thought you were more then just Paris that you had a heart and soul to you. I was wrong. I have anger though Brian; anger towards you that has yet to scratch the surface." _

* * *

Arnold cringed as he recalled the play for Romeo and Juliet so many moons ago. They had only been nine then. Could still remember how even with Phoebe right in front of him; as well as other girls surrounding him, his eyes had traveled across to Helga instantaneously. He remembered Lila sharing with him about a year ago how she'd stepped down as Juliet for Helga. Brainy had also played Paris even back then in their school play. Life was such irony always mocking and taunting as it came full circle. Why wasn't life simple? Why was life like a disastrous play spiraling to its tragic end? Why did no one know the true meaning of the definition of this twisted life?

Arnold could recall the rumors of Brainy and Helga's affair. Brian had grown to be handsome and an artsy type. Many girls liked Brainy. Arnold hadn't been surprised when the rumors circulated that Brainy and Helga were secretly having an affair. Well it hadn't been stated in the terms of an affair. Just after everything Arnold had gone through with Helga he'd felt betrayed and cheated on. He'd never replaced her with a Rosalind.

All Helga would have had to do was admit her affections. If she had just admitted her love to Arnold he would have not of been left with all his insecurities. If she had just come clean they could have lived happily ever after. She wouldn't have had to have been his star crossed Juliet she could have been his Cinderella instead. She could have worn the glass slipper that clearly fit her as his princess. He'd always treated her like his queen why wasn't it enough? Why had she sacrificed Arnold's happiness, Brainy's happiness, and her own? Helga was a walking, breathing, hurricane of emotional destruction. She was her own worst enemy always inflicting her own pain. Do to the fact that Briany and Arnold loved her they too had sunk many a time in her sinking ships of emotional failure.

"_There's no real in depth answer for me to give you Brain. All I can say is I'm damaged goods. It just isn't love for me if I didn't hurt someone. It's a genetic Pataki treat just look at Bob. I associate love with pain and after everything that's happened in my life I can vouch that never once has a deep love failed to bring pain tagging along close behind it. What about my questions though Brainy? I guess I'll never get my answers but I'll still ask anyway._

_We both know Rhonda was in love with you Brainy so why were you chasing after sunken ships such as myself? Did you like when I used you Brian? Did you like when I would sleep with you just to relieve my hurts? Liked that I'd be done with you then two weeks later I'd rebound and we'd be right back where we started? Did you like the game? Was it the chase? I am curious cause I could only assume you are maronic to keep playing along. Did you hope one day I would see you as my Romeo? Well sorry bucko you aren't even a classification of Paris anymore._

_We played this game since the end of middle school all the way until the beginning of high school. I figured that Arnold could have Lila and use me as his plaything well then I could do the same damn thing. That's all you were Brian my plaything. Someone who was easily led by me and so I simply did the leading. I wanted to be able to love you after all the dedication you gave, but just as you couldn't control loving me I couldn't control always loving him. Why can't people just love each other and it is as simple as that? I hate pheromones!_

_Key words being "wanted". I "wanted" to love you, past tense now. To be honest Brian I am at a boarder line of hatred towards you. The mere thought of your big round retro glasses and gelled brown fo-hawk make me gag. How does that sink in Brian? Knowing that the love you have put effort for your entire existence vomits at the mere thought of you? I feel like I'm a broken record this recording merely running in circles around your aching eardrums. My apologies my attentive audiences allow me to cut through all the red tape with a machete of words; allow me to execute my point. Point being why I fucking hate you Brainy._

_You knew everything about my life. Hell if I were famous you could right my Hollywood E. Yet, you did nothing, not even a word of advice. Never once sent for help through all the abuse I went through. You claimed to have loved me but really Brian I was an object. I was an obsession to follow, pry, and investigate limb from limb. When I told you it was over it wasn't over for you. You couldn't except that you had to define who you yourself are as a person, verse spying and defining me. No, you wanted revenge. You didn't take the time to anticipate the damage you would inflict on innocent by standers beside me. You throw a rock around the world and it'll hit you on the back of the head. What comes around goes around. I'm not the only one who should hate you now Brainy. Normally I save my confessions for church; confession is good for the soul though, so shall we cleanse with some good old soul searching? I think so after all Hon_esty_ is the best policy!"_

* * *

Helga laughed her bitter laugh. The laugh she reserved for schemes and her own personal revenges. Arnold could almost envision her rubbing her hands together. Just when he figured there couldn't be any more secrets or discouraging words Helga would slap another surprise across his face. He was outraged to say the least. Even if he had been dating Lila it wasn't in spite her like she'd been sneaking Brainy in spite him. Outraged to know another man had touched Helga. Had he touched her like Arnold had? Had he kissed her as intently as he did? She said it ended in the beginning of high school so when exactly did it end? What did Brainy do to get back at her? A foreign part of Arnold the deep seethed hurt and angry part of him secretly craved his own form of Revenge. Damn Helga, she always had a way of bringing out the Jackal and Mr. Hyde out of him. Even growing up she'd been able to provoke the slumbering beast in him to lash out in aggression. That's not what angered Arnold.

What truly pissed Arnold off was that these tapes were supposedly created to answer all the questions. Made so that as you listened bit by bit Helga exposed her true colors. These tapes were supposed to leave no stone unturned explain her death; explain everything. Instead, as each cassette's film reeled side A and B they left Arnold nothing but more Q's. Question after new question tumbled on top of one another. All he'd ever wanted was to know the girl underneath the tough tomboy exterior. He was right where he'd spent half his life before the tapes; barely breaking any of Helga's personal brick walls.

He hated her! Absolutely despised each and every one of what Arnold believed to be Helga's split personalities. He hated her because he loved her. Why couldn't he have loved someone sane, calm, and collected? Someone like the image Lila Sawyer eluted. He hated how Helga was a free bird; free of being captured always flying away from him, always escaping fate as if she were above destiny. Above being with Arnold. His stomach churned too many memories of the past ten years suffocating him. He lifted the toilet seat vomiting. His ears ringing with the sounds of her previous hackle. Arnold was always calm, cool, and collected; but Arnold was only human and as a man not a God he could only with stand so much distraught. They say God saves his toughest battles for his strongest warriors, then he must be one heck of a fighter.

He panted pressing play finishing out the tape. He could do this. He could somehow put his emotions aside and focus on the goal. Goal being discovering the trust and the truth wouldn't be too hard to handle. Arnold could handle anything. He was bred to make peace amongst the toughest crowds. He could except the ultimate challenge finding peace in himself.

_"Brainy it was you who manipulated Rhonda to give Lila the pills. You knew Lila was too timid to drink to the point of lacking control. You knew Lila would offer us a drink. After all it's only good hostess services to offer company a drink. You knew as long as I accompanied Lila I would finish off her drinks. Brian because of you Phoebe was raped. Did you hear that. Brian it's your entire fault! You drugged a dozen people with different drugs with a strategic month in advance plan. Even when you calculate you fail. Face it brain you are an epic failure! In the end they got the wrong girl. In a rancid sort of way I wish you had been smarter. I wish it had been me. I'd give anything to spare Phoebe pain. You weren't though, not that you care though Bastard. We both know you won't stop until I've met my maker. We both know you sent number 13 out for me._

_Brian how could you? How could you call a hit? I think it's worse then murder itself. You are a Charles Manson Brainy. Manipulating the minds around you for your own sick bidding. I was never much of a conformist. So there you have it. Cutting it close and straight to the point. No need to go further Brian because I'll be seeing you soon enough anyway right? Just you, me, and number 13; guess what though Brain he won't kill me, and neither will you. I'll get me before you can get me. I'm like a bird I always spread my wings and fly to higher places It's not a challenge but a statement. I'm not afraid of you or any of the people you've sent to try and tare my wings apart. I'll always be high above you, above any of you. You can't cage me in. We'll see whose the last one standing Brian. Now if you excuse me I have more important tapes to create._

_If I had to leave you with any final words of confidence after a lifetime of experiences I would only have one piece of advice. Though this piece of advice is simple I can assure you it's the most sincere words I have ever conveyed to you: Invest in an inhaler. Goodbye, Briany, you fucking freak."_

Arnold hollered as he slammed the cassette player against the tub over and over again. Helga wasn't fair! Life wasn't fair! Life was a tight rope and Arnold had spent his time trying to balance across the rope to the greener side. There was no greener side life was nothing but a bunch of bullshit. After years of conservative behavior Arnold found himself at a breaking point yet again in the course of only a couple months. It seemed he was doomed to forever be led around in bizarre circles never marking the finish line and reaching the hidden treasures of discovery awaiting the crossing line.

Arnold couldn't stand it! The whole life he'd built around him coming down with each confessional. Without parents of his own Arnold's friends had bee his family. To discover the dysfunction's in his own personal family that he had striven to keep together perfectly was enough to break his composure. He longed to be a bird to fly away into the skies and leave all the nightmares behind him. He wasn't a bird though he was Arnold; Gravity pulling him to the ground compressing his high hopes and heart down with it in the process.

He kicked the bathroom door open and Rebecca was already long gone daylight flickering through the cracks in the blinds. He was exhausted almost delirious from lack of sleep. Yet, the idea of sleeping after all he'd been through in the past 48 hours repulsed him. He flung the front door open the morning breeze clearing his sinuses but not his head.

Birds continued to chatter excitedly outside. The sound did nothing to ease his nerves as two black crows hovered lowering themselves onto the tree branches over head. IF YOU'RE A BIRD I'M A BIRD. The phrase humming through Arnold's thought process over and over again. He imagined for a moment that those two crows were indeed he and Helga in another life. Imagined that they were just two birds without a care in the world but to spend forever flying side by side towards the rising sun.

They weren't birds and they weren't together. There were a million problems and no hopes of reuniting. The bird glared down the tree peering at Arnold knowingly as her lover cleaned his feathers. Her black eyes peering loathing. Arnold felt as if he loathed the universe; and how though he'd done nothing but send good vibes into the world he seemed to get nothing but negative karma.

"Bye; bye, black bird!" Arnold yelled picking up pebbled stones aiming to strike the lovebirds down. He laughed until he cried the bird flying away. He felt emptiness as rather then sticking together the two birds flew in two separate directions.

"Wait I'm sorry come back!" Arnold called startled by his own violence.

"Wait I'm sorry!" He cried out. "Please don't leave!" He shouted but the black bird continued to soar away from him just as Helga had.

Arnold laughed until he began to cry hysterically. He was having a melt down it was all too hard for any eighteen-year-old boy; even Arnold to handle. Suddenly Arnold felt a pair of strong arms pull him back and Arnold swung his fist blindly.

"Arnold, my main man it's gonna be okay!" Gerald exclaimed as Arnold continued to break down crying as he swung his fists aimlessly. "Pull it together man Aidan needs you. After everything you've gone through man you're gonna need your optimism now more then ever. There's a little boy counting on us man. Helga's counting on us." Gerald added and Arnold stopped swinging at him. Sanity was returning to Arnold. "Why Gerald? Why me?" Arnold cried. "Because God gives his toughest warriors the hardest wars." Gerald spoke softly. Arnold sobbed as his best friend propped him up into a hug of comfort trying to sooth the boy who was basically his brother.

Arnold cried releasing almost 18 years of burdens repressed. There was still a silver line to all this even in his misery Arnold could see it. He was going to get his boy back today. He would have what he'd always craved a family. Maybe, just maybe he would discover what happened to Helga. Maybe, just maybe, Arnold wasn't too late but right on time. Maybe Arnold could fight the good fight and actually win. All Arnold knew was that this was only the beginning and he was prepared to win the war. Through his tear stained jade eyes he looked up to the sky. In the distance the two birds reunited as they flew together towards the horizon.


	14. Chapter 14

WRITER'S NOTE: We are at the beginning of the end folks! We are going into darkness with this chapter but I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel! We are also about to embark into the supernatural for I already have the next chapter half written! I am so excited. I hope you all can bear with me even when the story may seem a little bizarre. This is how I have imagined my ending from day one and I'm sticking to my script. I hope to keep and collect all my readers' back. I thank you for your loyalty and reviews because that is what keeps this story thriving. ENJOY A TASTE OF MY MADNESS!

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Chapter 13

_"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale_ _blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."_

_― Bob Marley_

* * *

The waves thrashed against the seaside rocks. The cry of the seagulls ferments the air. The salt saturated the air engulfing her lungs in its thick humid scent. The sand was dry but had a moist texture like pudy and Helga relished the feeling of it between her toes. Since Helga was nine years old every summer her family vacationed to a cheap beach house. It was soothing and she found it tranquil. She lived for the summers of seclusion. Just her, her poetry, and the soothing sound of sea foam soaping across the shore.

Helga was twelve now and every summer her family boarded with another family to cover the expenses. Helga was used to sharing a house with Arnold over the summer now. They would share a wondrous vacation then vacation would end and so would the deep feeling of companionship. Helga had given up on Arnold besides she had started dating Brian. Helga had always found herself mature for her age but she'd raveled herself into a nasty web with Brian. The relationship between them was possessive and scary and not from her side of it. She was twelve but felt trapped in an adult and slightly abusive relationship. Thinking of her boyfriend Brian brewed misguided anger towards Arnold. If he would just love her with the same devotion she'd always spared him she wouldn't seek it else where in the wrong people. Yet, she knew it wasn't his fault feelings can not be controlled.

Feelings could be contained though and Helga knew this well. After her confession three years ago nothing had changed and so she'd forced herself not to change either. She might as well have kept her thoughts to herself because Arnold ignored them completely. However, after her blurted confession the two had become close friends; she dared to think maybe even best friends. It wasn't enough though Helga would always want more and Arnold would always want less.

He'd been behaving strange lately even for Arnold standards. Helga was worried because traditionally she and Arnold every year entered the sandcastle competition. Lately though her teammate had been isolating himself from her. Arnold hadn't said much to her the entire vacation beyond polite small talk while sharing space in the vacation house.

Arnold had built an awkward barrier between them. It hurt her because she'd used him to escape her miserable life. When things got violent at home she'd always race to Arnold's boarding house, climbing up his fire escape, and then slinking into his room through his window. He never pried he'd merely hug her as he led her to his couch. Arnold always had his couch set up with her favorite blanket ready for Helga to sleep. Since Helga had started dating rumors circulated about her and Brian. Surely, he must have believed them. Helga was sure Arnold assumed she was a slut. This, Helga knew was the reason they weren't on close terms. Helga knew her punk rock bad girl image was why she no longer had her safe harbor.

She was lost without his friendship. Arnold had always been her savior. Whenever Helga began to drown in her woes Arnold tossed her a life preserver guiding her to the safety of his sailboat. Helga stared out into the sea as she tossed stones into the thrashing waves. She stared as the rocks sank heavily devoured by the ocean. Helga felt like she too was sinking into the oceans of sadness inside her. Arnold was her sunshine her perpetual optimism. Without him she wasn't sure how to carry on. Even when Helga was a bully he'd always stuck by her. Honestly Helga wasn't sure how to function without Arnold.

Angry Helga sat in the sand pulling her pink poetry book from her favorite Korn bag. She began to scribble down the fresh thoughts pooling to the center of her thoughts.

_You looked into my heart and found my lost dream,_

_A very common one I guess it may seem._

_No one else like you in my heart is the same,_

_Because I've really changed since in my life you came._

_You told me that my fait rests in my hands,_

_To make life as best I can._

_You took my hand and out of the shadows we ran._

_With my back to the dark and my heart towards the light,_

_You told me to do what I thought was right._

_Even though you promised that you'd always stay,_

_No matter how close you are it feels as though you're miles away._

_Now as I look back at the past,_

_I realize that time moves by way too fast._

_The memory of our friendship I hold near,_

_How I wish you could still be here,_

_For you know me better than I know myself,_

_Only you have ever seen me cry._

_But now when I talk you just hear but don't listen to what I have to say,_

_You just pull your heart away._

_So not even to my self do I want to confess,_

_That as time goes by I don't seem to like you less._

"Helga?" An all too familiar voice asked over head. "Jeez Football Head stop creeping up on me!" Helga instinctively snapped as she slammed her book shut shoving it into her bag.

She looked up at him and bit her tongue in order to stop herself from gapping at his beauty. He stood towering over Her. His golden trusses of hair glistened with drops of water; a thousand diamonds gleaming against gold. He clutched a surfboard in his hands his muscles flexing underneath his sun kissed skin. He was in the middle stage of life, his body no longer that of a boy but not yet that of a man. His red swim trunks hung loosely over his lower hip. Helga's eyes glanced down but did not linger their long for fear it would make her girlhood tremble. She glared into his Emerald eyes that were hard gems gleaming at her. She turned away because she was sure his beauty would blind her. Arnold was like the sun bright and vibrant but if she got too close his perfection would burn her. She wasn't good enough to bask in his glow. She suddenly felt like Icarus. Helga's heart flew towards Arnold's beauty. Like Icarus; if Helga got too close her wings of hope would melt, and she like the story would tumble back to the Earth and drown at sea.

"Sorry Helga." Arnold replied out of routine. His eyes flitted to her bag curiously.

"What do you write in those books?" He implied tossing his surfboard as he sat beside her.

"None of your business Arnold-o!" Helga snapped childishly.

Arnold chuckled, "I've given you so many chances to come clean; you never do tell me on your own though." He smiled his wide frosty white grin with a hooded gaze. Helga froze did Arnold knew Helga had volumes of poetry dating back to pre-school about him? Helga had long ago tossed out her bubble gum shrine. Dr. Bliss had told her it would be okay for her to continue writing and collecting her love poems. What if he knew? What if he was creeped out? Was that why he hadn't talked to her in almost a month?

"Helga I still think my favorite book is volume three." His grin turned devious, and Helga stared wide-eyed and helplessly at him.

"**H** is for the head I'd like to punt.

**E** is for every time I see the little runt.

**L** is longing for our firstest kiss.

**G** is for how good that longing is.

**A** is for Arnold. Doi!"

Helga froze her jaw dropping so low she was stunned it didn't slop down to her chest. "I tore it up and spit that poem at you how could you know it was me?" She stupidly blurted. Her conscious scolded her for giving herself away, adding a hard internal punch. Why hadn't she kept cool and collected long enough to lie her way out of it?

"Well, I always kind of memorized the poem. A few weeks ago I took the time to write it out. I noticed that it spelt your name. Well the last part I just guessed because how you are." He stated as if he knew Helga like the back of his hand. It was because Arnold did know Helga like the back of his hand.

"So why do you care if I have little pink books filled with poems about you?" Helga said lamely.

"I guess I don't." Arnold answered tossing seashells into the water and watching them skip across. "Why are you even talking to me I thought you hated me now." Helga really wished she had a brain filter.

"If I never hated you when you were a bully, bossy, and obnoxious, then why would I start now?" Arnold's blonde brow rose curiously. Helga scowled running her nervous fingers through her shoulder length hair, tugging on a pink highlight every now and then. He so easily red others but it was hard to get a read on him in return.

"You have a lot of nerve. You ignore me all summer then stalk me on the beach! Just to mention a poem I wrote like four years ago." Helga coughed pounding her chest anxiously. She did not do well when backed into emotional corners. "I just thought it was cool that I had someone who cared for me that much. Obsessive but cool." Arnold admitted. Helga rolled her big blue eyes. "I'm going to ignore that last part." Helga replied irritated. "Why do you say "had" like its past tense. You're an idiot for ignoring me but of course I still care.

"Because you have Brainy now." Arnold said bitterly. Helga's ears perked up; no it couldn't be, Arnold couldn't be jealous, could he?

"Oh, you believe the rumor now too!" Helga scolded scooting away from him.

"No," Arnold stated softly.

"Spit it out then. What's your damage then?" She nagged.

"I don't like sharing your attention." Helga was shocked. Arnold wasn't on for selfishness and definitely not one to confess feeling it either.

"Oh," Helga's cheeks flushed a vibrant pink as she stared at her sandy toes shyly.

Suddenly, Arnold snatched up a nearby stick. He began to draw a heart in the sand and Helga watched in amazement. Inside the heart in Arnold's left-handed scroll Arnold wrote: Arnold loves Helga.

Helga couldn't believe her eyes. He'd just confessed to like-liking her too! She was on cloud nine. Sure it wasn't as deep as her confession; but hey, he was only a boy after all.

"Arnold I don't know what to say. You like-like me?" it was all disbelieving to Helga.

Arnold nodded, "Don't say anything. Don't mention him. only people who exist are you and me. Just give me this moment." He hesitated, "Please?" He pleaded. He rose to his feet stretching his hand out to Helga. Coyly she took it as he pulled Helga to her feet.

"_I was a child and she was a child,_

_In this kingdom by the sea;_

_But we loved with a love that was more than love-_

_I and my Annabel Lee;_

_With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven_

_Coveted her and me."_ Arnold recited as Helga swooned.

Their feet made exact imprints side by side as the walked across the shore together holding hands. Helga and Arnold both grinning ear to ear. It was a glorious moment of childhood romance and innocence. A memory that Helga would always cherish. She could carry on again. She could be secure again because she was safe as long as Arnold had hold of her hand.

* * *

The memory had almost been dream like in its vividness. It had been a comforting thought but fleeting. Helga could almost hear Arnold's boyhood voice sweeping her off her feet. Her daydream was gone. The memory pressed back to the confines of her brain. She was back in her torture chamber. She was bleeding profusely and her body shook. She must have been in shock beforehand. Helga was still alive! Though she suffered she appreciated the pain because it meant she wasn't dead yet. She still had a fighting chance! With her relived memory and the thought of her son Aidan she had new motivation to fight for survival. She had a family to get home to!

She had almost dove off the rooftop. She'd been inches away from death. Her captor had seized her by her ankle dragging her down the flight of stairs. He'd taken her to the bottom stabbing her to playgerize her suicide. He'd blindfolded her and where they were now Helga had no clue. Had it been days, weeks, months? Helga couldn't be sure she was too busy focusing on the day to day struggle for survival.

The small TV emittedstatic the antennas spread wide apart. It was dark and Helga mused she was trapped inside a dingy basement. It was cold and her wrist hurt from spending hours upon hours tied up to a wooden chair. Her stomach grumbled with that old familiar feeling of starvation.

"You'll never get away with this they'll come looking for me." Helga spoke out raspy.

"Who will? Your alcoholic mother and blowhard father?" Helga's villain jeered.

"No, my family is going to find me." Helga stated stubbornly she was feeling dizzy from lack of blood.

He laughed coldly. "Arnold? He's probably forgotten you by now. He's probably deep in Lila and you're just a fleeting thought." He taunted.

"No, he loves me. He'll hear the tapes and he will rescue me. He's going to rescue me and you're going to go to prison and death row!" Helga was half-delusional and growing weaker by the minute.

"Hasn't come looking for you yet Helga. No one has. They had a funeral for you two months ago. Everyone thinks your dead. Soon enough the accusation will be right on cue." Her tormenter hissed cruel.

Helga laughed and her intruder paced unnerved in the shadows.

"They'll be looking for you then shit head. They'll hear the tapes and you'll be branded as number 13 for life." Helga laughed to a point of hysteria. Angry her kidnapper struck her viciously across the face with his palm.

"Come on sissy boy, prissy Olga hits harder then you!" She giggled. He smacked her again and her head flung back. "Now that's more like it!" She teased bravely.

"That's okay, 13 always was my lucky number." The criminal replied bemused by Helga's dauntless persistence. He pulled the small wooden coffee table over to the light and Helga turned away. She had no desire to see his flawed face. He pulled a pair of dice out stained with her blood shed. "I think you should know by now how this little game of ours goes Pataki. Each number on the dice represents what I'll do to you next. Whatever number I land on is what I'll do to you. The punishment has already been panned out before hand. If I roll snake eyes then I will give you your freedom. I have yet to roll snake eyes. Guess, I'm just a very lucky man. Lucky number thirteen." He spoke vigorously.

"You could end your suffering darling. All you have to do is ask me to finish. Ask me to finish you and I promise I will with quickness and painlessness." He beseeched Helga. "Let me rest first." Helga panted exhausted. "I can't darling." He apologized "Guess there ain't no rest for the wicked until we close our eyes for good!" Helga spat in his face venomously. He hacked spit back at her. He rolled the dice on to the table. "Looks like I rolled six." With that he took out some kind of weapon Helga could not see. Her eyes glanced up to the sky and Helga clung to all she had left her faith. She screamed out Arnold's name hopelessly which served only to enrage her captor further. Arnold would know; Arnold would save her. Helga cling to this theory because it was her life preserver; the thought was her safe harbor.

**Miles away Arnold could hear a distant scream that he could not explain but the sound clung to his ears and consequentially his heart.**


	15. Chapter 15

I hope I still have some readers! I've been busy with school and work. I've been reading all the stories on here though wonderful writers you guys are. My favorite writer I have been stalling to read, cause well, it's so good I don't want to wait through the cliff hangers but read the whole ending at once! Anyway not to derail off topic here, if you still are here and want more leave me reviews so I know whose left standing beside Arnold, Helga, Me, and this story. 3

Chapter 14

The Angel of Death

Vincent Gray: "Do you know why you're afraid when you're alone? I do. I do." – The sixth Sense (1999)

Phoebe shuffled her petite feet as she seated herself beside her boyfriend Gerald. Arnold shook his nerves on edge, as they sat in the office of the head nun of an all boys Catholic orphanage home. In Arnold's pocket was a check containing every dime the boy had ever earned. Arnold doubted he'd be able to bribe the nuns' money to hand a child over to a teenager. He knew it was wrong, but Arnold was desperate and there wasn't a thing he wouldn't attempt for the sake of his family.

Arnold had yet to speak allowing Phoebe to use her smarts to sway the nun. She peered at Arnold and Gerald in her head to toe classic black attire.

"Mother Tamara, we are willing to provide a DNA test if we must. It's urgent however that Aidan leaves with his paternal parent." Phoebe prodded.

Mother Tamara leaned forward over her desk her chocolate complexion clashing with dark spotted freckles that scattered across her cheeks.

"The other nuns would gladly hand you the poor soul without so much as a wink of their eyes. They fear what they do not understand. They believe the child to be evil; I know otherwise. They see the child as cursed but I know he is blessed. I must explain to you and forewarn you of the child's differences from us before releasing him." Mother Tamara spoke rashly and rather insanely.

"Mother Tamara I don't quite follow you?" Phoebe leaned her fragile frame over the other side of the desk both women close enough that their noses could touch.

"God has blessed the child with a sixth sense. Aidan is an old soul trapped inside the body of a child due to his gift." Mother Tamara began to explain.

"Sister surely you aren't saying Aidan's magic?" Gerald clearly was trying to show respect refraining from rolling his honey shaded irises.

"No dear child, the boy has been blessed by the angels. He sees all things of this World and the next." Mother Tamara spoke hushed.

Arnold was speechless could life get any more ludicrous?

"Evaluate?" Phoebe insisted playing along. After all why would a nun lie?

"The child sees the past, present, and future. The child is a medium to the spiritual world." Mother Tamara did not so much as bat an eyelash in her explanation.

Phoebe jumped as Gerald barked out a loud obnoxious laugh. Arnold glared at Gerald from the corner of his eye. However crazy the woman sounded it was still obnoxious to mock her with a fit of laughter. Arnold's lip twitched at the corner with a suppressed smile. Even after all the shenanigans he and Gerald had went through living in Hillwood; the sister's speculation would have to top the cake for all time nuttiness. Then again after meeting a Pigeon Man, A Sewer Rat King, and hunting for Wheeze'n Ed's treasure, as well as counting all the weekly mishaps was anything possible? Perhaps, if Arnold pondered it all it wasn't too far fetched. Maybe all it took was seeing. Seeing is believing and he would not discredit the nun until after he witnessed his boy with his own eyes.

Maybe the boy was psychic. Arnold's mind wandered back to Helga's diary entry. Arnold recalled Helga's statement the sentence almost flowing a dark black visual of ink letters in his mind's eye.

"You're leaving now Momma." It wasn't a question but a statement.

Was it possible that anything was in fact possible? Were all fairy tales true? Were all the Urban Legends pieces of history verses stories passed down by word of mouth? Was there truly a Headless Cabby? Was the Haunted Train driving off the tracks every night? Or maybe the Ghost Bride did lurk behind the town's cemetery. Anything was possible now. Anyone was fair game in this Dog eat Dog world Arnold mused. Besides he'd always been an idealistic dreamer. Why not keep an open mind the moment such thoughts were most needed? Arnold couldn't explain why, but even without proof he already took the nun's word for it.

" With all do respect sister; even I the keeper of all Urban Legends can not top off that story." Gerald remarked.

"Allow me to show you child." Mother Tamara walked around her chestnut desk stepping towards a filing cabinet. She scrounged around the drawers sorting through files. The trio exchanged awkward glances. The nun took long strides as she stretched her arm out to hand Arnold a stack of papers. "Thank you Sister." Arnold spoke humble as his hands wrapped around the pile of scratch paper.

It was a stack of colored pencil drawings. Arnold was stunned as he gazed at a drawing of a blonde girl pulling a pink ribbon from her hair; the girl resembled Helga. He flipped through more and his jaw fell slightly ajar as he looked at a picture of what appeared to be himself tossing a pink mask off a roof. He remembered that night. That was the night Arnold lost his virginity and consequentially created Aidan. There was no way for the boy to know such things yet here Arnold was gazing at a coloring of his own memory. He skipped ahead to find another sketch of Helga. The image was Helga leaping off a rooftop but as she tumbled down she morphed into a flock of black birds flying towards the sky. Arnold had seen enough as Gerald took the pictures from his grasp to show Phoebe. The couple gasped astonished and no longer skeptical but now believers.

"The other nuns think the child is disturbed because his artwork. I know he is a visionary. I can not tell you what his purpose is. I only know that the Lord has big plans for little Aidan." Mother Tamara promised.

Arnold's throat was dry he wasn't certain if his voice box worked anymore. Reality was unrealistic anymore. Arnold wasn't sure he'd be able to keep up with his warped life; if it wasn't for the fact he'd spent most of it day dreaming all sorts of irrational possibilities. Some how he found his voice in order to ask the question that should have been asked the day Aidan was born.

"Mother Tamara can I please see Aidan." Arnold asked softly.

"Only you child. The others will have to wait in the lobby." Mother Tamara was skeptical.

"I understand." Arnold replied kindly.

"Very well then, this way." Mother Tamara pointed to the door leading outside of her office.

Gerald nodded sticking his thumb out to Arnold in order to offer something familiar in an unfamiliar situation. Arnold appreciated the gesture extending his own thumb. The gesture as the boys got older had been rarely used. Both boys shared their secret handshake. Phoebe's light hazel eyes peered up encouragingly at Arnold. Arnold took a big gulp of his spit trying to ease his anxiety and gain moisture back in his mouth to talk. With their encouragement Arnold rose to his full height nodding as the nun stepped around her desk to guide him to his son.

They walked together slowly and silently. The walls were a tainted withering washed out white. The floors chilled white tile. Arnold was disgruntled reminded of an asylum, verses, the housing of young boys that the building was actually used for. Mother Tamara came to a halt and her long narrow finger pointed ruefully to an open door.

"Right now is the children's free time to play. Knowing Aidan he'll be in there sitting in his usual corner by the window drawing." With that mother Tamara gave Arnold an encouraging nod. She did not depart the area but still remained in the hallway. Arnold's heart began to hammer his breath shortening as he anticipated what would be the most monumental moment of his life.

Arnold took a few steps into the sunlit room but froze as he began to hear a group of children taunting.

"Mary had a little lamb; little lamb, little lamb. Aidan's mom had a monster, monster, monster!" The boys viciously teased in fits of laughter. The boys chanted together bullying. Arnold didn't doubt for a moment that these boys were the very same children from Helga's diary page. A furry brewed in Arnold's belly and Arnold felt a hot rail of rage steaming inside him unlike ever before. Arnold's eyes focused in on his only son.

Aidan was the most stunning human being Arnold had ever laid eyes on! Arnold's jaw dropped. Aidan had Arnold's dark blonde hair and long rounded nose. What made Arnold's heart clench were Aidan's eyes. He'd never seen that particular pair of eyes; yet, he'd seen the same intense dark shade of blue all his life. The boy had his mother's wide piercing azure eyes! Arnold recognized the exact replica of Helga's fierce piercing gaze; readapted on their little boy's pale face. His ivory skin flushed the same rosy shade that Arnold's did whenever Arnold was deeply embarrassed.

"Aw, look wittle bitty baby Aidan is scribbling pictures again!" The largest and roundest boy lashed out.

"Yeah, drawing pictures of Helena I bet!" A scrawny one added he was clearly who would be the victim, if they hadn't rounded together on Aidan.

"Too bad cause Helena would never like a freak!" A tall dangly boy chimed in. The fat one snatched the drawing from Aidan's hands.

"Give it back!" Aidan exclaimed stretching on his tiptoes to try and reach out for his coloring.

"See, he's such a freak look!" The fat boy hollered. Arnold glanced back at the door. Was the nun still there in the hallway? Couldn't she hear what was happening? Why wasn't she intervening? Arnold was a hair away from snapping at the little tyrants.

"It's a drawing of some blonde lady tied up to a chair watching TV! What a weirdo!" The scrawny boy yelped barely hiding the fear in his voice. Arnold's heart slithered to the floor! Was it a drawing of Helga? His thoughts only dared to flutter in that direction for a moment. Arnold's mind returning at once to the situation at hand. This was not how he'd daydreamed of meeting his son for the first time.

"Freak, he's a freak!" The scrawny boy exclaimed pointing a dirty index finger towards Aidan.

All the boys began to chant their twisted nursery rhyme once more. "Hey knock it off; or else!" Arnold shouted on the top of his lungs but no one paid attention as Aidan's hands pressed on his head. "Please stop it." He politely asked as the group of rowdy boys pressed on with their name slinging. "I said stop!" Aidan exclaimed still clutching at his temples. Arnold jumped as the light bulbs above them began to shatter scattering in shards all over the floor. The boys grew silent at once almost knocking Arnold over as they ran away terrified. The nun wasn't joking Aidan was far beyond the average form of mankind.

Arnold was frozen in place. He'd seen more insanity then any one person in his lifetime, but today was taking quite a drastic turn from the usual, even for Arnold. Suddenly, Arnold didn't care about anything at all except the small boy in front of him. An instinct washed in heavy waves over Arnold. Was it fatherly instinct? Was this brewing warmth Arnold felt and intense compassion love of a parent to their child? He'd never felt anything like it before. He loved this child more then life it's self. Even without so much as speaking a word to Aidan, Arnold knew he'd lay down and die a thousand painful deaths just to see the boy smile. Aidan cried into the sleeve of his red sweater and his pain hurt Arnold more then Arnold's own hurts ever had.

"Hello Aidan." Arnold spoke in his soothing monotone voice. Aidan sniffled looking teary eyed up at Arnold. He was still a baby; in Arnold's perspective, only five years old! "Come here." Arnold spoke tenderly his arms spread in a welcoming hug.

"No," Aidan answered with finality. That rueful stubbornness was Aidan's mother's characteristics coming out to play. Arnold was prepared to counter the behavior; he'd already had a life times worth of practice with Helga.

"Lets play a game of trust then." Arnold offered and Aidan glared roughly with his water stained eyes.

"I'll guess something about you and for every time I'm right you take a step foreword. If I'm wrong take a step back. If you make it into my arms then you'll know the reason. I know everything because you're my boy. I'm the guardian your mother sent. I'm here to help you I promise." Arnold reasoned.

"Okay I'll play." Aidan agreed.

"You're Aidan and you're five-years-old." Arnold stated. Aidan rolled his eyes.

"Doi anyone knows that!" Aidan piped up. He may look like Arnold but he was Helga's prodigy.

"That's two right." Arnold smirked and reluctantly the little boy took two steps.

"You come off as a bully but really you're nice." Arnold added thinking of the similarities between Aidan and Helga. Aidan took a step back.

"I help everyone I don't like to be mean," His blue eyes peered intently at Arnold, "Unless I'm mad then I'm mean." He smiled and Arnold almost stumbled backwards. The boy's eyes lidded over with the same wide toothy grin that Arnold had witnessed many a time in his own reflection.


	16. Chapter 16

**Writer's Note: Sorry it took me so long to post guys! Hopefully I still have you guys captured into the plot! I've been up way past my bedtime and I know I'm gonna regret it but I just had to post for you guys. I love my readers you guys keep me inspired. Read and review understand rubber bands; and I'll post more of this fic, good deal Lucille**

* * *

Chapter 16

"All my friends tell me I should move on

I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song. Loving you forever, can't be wrong

Even though you're not here, won't move on. And there's no remedy for memory your face is

Like a melody, it won't leave my head! Your soul is haunting me and telling me

That everything is fine, but I wish I was dead! Every time I close my eyes

It's like a dark paradise! No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side! There's no relief, I see you in my sleep.

And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me

There's no release, I feel you in my dreams

Telling me I'm fine. All my friends ask me why I stay strong?

Tell 'em when you find true love it lives on!

Ahhh, that's why I stay here!" –Lana Del Ray

* * *

Arnold ran through the trees the crunch of leaves the only sound that accompanied him. His hunter green eyes searching for his pry. He clung to his plastic gun with enthusiasm as Gerald raced beside him clutching their camera. Since they were in elementary school they'd shared the old battered camera. Often they would use the old thing in their neighborhood detective work. Now as seventh graders they used it to capture what some would consider average days. Arnold knew better though, he knew that you could never truly cherish a moment until it became a memory. He used the camera to catch like flies on the web each and every memory he could potentially savor later.

Arnold turned to Gerald staring directly into the fish lens. "Shh be very, very, quite we're Helga hunting!" He joked in his best Elmer Fud impression. Gerald chuckled turning the camera to capture Phoebe sitting at a near by tree rolling her amber eyes at the pair as she brought her attention back to the book clutched in her hands.

Helga emerged in her all white outfit her toy gun raised as they both gazed intently at each other. Both standing in a face off like the old time wild west films. Arnold raised his gun squinting his eyes venomously. He tugged at his black leather coat focused on his attempt of open fire. With a deep breath he pulled the trigger as softened plastic bullets shot at Helga's open cleavage. She raised her hand pressing it to her heart.

"Bang; bang he shot me down, I hit the ground. Bang; bang, that awful sound. Bang; bang my baby shot me down!" Helga exclaimed dramatically. She lifted her ivory arm over her loose blonde curls escaping from her pigtails as she tumbled into a blanket of leaves. Arnold collapsed besides her laughing as she picked up her gun to shoot stray bullets in his cornflower colored hair.

_Bang; bang, I hit the ground. Bang; bang, that awful sound, bang; bang, my baby shot me down_.

The words swarmed Arnold in a sea of anguish as he stopped the tape. Both his and Helga's playful banter frozen forever on tape as they laid side by side in the timeless autumn leaves. He looked over to his king-sized mattress. Sprawled out were Gerald and Phoebe, Aidan fast asleep curled up on Phoebe's side. With much bribing money for local charities and an empty bank account Arnold had managed to walk out the orphanage without being empty handed. Arnold had gotten what he'd came for, he got his son back, now he just needed to return Aidan's mother.

It was strange watching the boy as his chest rose and fell. Arnold watched the physical manifestation of his undying love for his childhood sweetheart. He walked over tenderly taking the back of his hand to stroke Aidan's soft flushed cheeks. He could see himself in the boy but so much more of Helga lingered in this fragile child, their child. Arnold was still in mild shock. He was a father and Helga was a mother. They were parents! They had a baby! He and Helga had a baby! They had a family! All Arnold had ever wanted was his family and she'd given him just that. Helga gave Arnold a family, only to abandon it with no explanation.

Gerald peeked over at Arnold skeptically. His expression fell as he glanced at the flat screen. They didn't have to exchange words Gerald understood at once, it was clear he remembered filming the occasion.

"Arnold my man. We'll get her back." Gerald reassured him sitting up.

"Gerald what if, what if she's gone what if there's nothing to find." Arnold choked out.

"That Pataki girl doesn't back down even when she should. What makes you think she'd hang up her boxing gloves at half time when it counts the most?" Gerald demanded and it was his determination in Helga that lifted Arnold's spirits slightly.

"I don't know. I just have this sinking feeling." Arnold turned to the t.v. once more. "This feeling like this time, for real, my baby shot down."

"Arnold I-" Gerald didn't finish his sentence as Arnold cut him off. "Gerald I have to go, watch Aidan please." Arnold spoke softly. Gerald nodded his high-top haircut bobbing with his head.

Without another world Arnold picked up his headphones and tape player rushing out of the boarding house.

* * *

He ran without pausing. He raced to Helga's parent's house. The blinds were all shut and it was apparent that the household was resting for the night. His eye wandered towards Helga's little pink Chevrolet. He was contemplating crawling into the back seat of it when suddenly someone interrupted his thoughts.

"Hello Arnold," He spun around to face Helga's mother. Miriam was the type of woman who once you looked past the steady forming wrinkles and baggage under the eye you realized that it was apparent that she had once been beautiful. She was worn down he took notice to the knots in her dirty blonde hair. She wore a worn out purple dress that had been patched up many times. Suddenly Arnold felt sick to his stomach. What had the world done to this once appealing woman. He stared into her sapphire eyes and in them for a split secant he saw a willful youthful woman, who had once been the mirror image of the woman Arnold loved now.

"Hello Mrs. Pataki," Arnold responded dryly. After all this same woman was responsible for the loss of his own son and numerous heartaches to her own daughter. "She approached him tentatively wrapping her fragile frame around him. Arnold instinctively hugged her back providing comfort as Miriam sobbed miserably.

"My baby's dead, dead and gone." She tugged at her glasses cramming them to the bridge of her nose as she took a step back to look into Arnold's eyes. "When a child looses their parent; the child is forced to learn the concept of lacking immortality. When a parent looses their child they are forced to learn the factors of mortality." Miriam slurred and Arnold was taken aback by the depths of her whisky endued words.

"I wish I had something to say to you." Arnold responded monotone trying to stuff down his rage towards Miriam. He understood she'd been through more then most in a lifetime. The anger was an underlining hurt for the lack of remorse for what she'd done to Helga the entirety of Helga's life.

"Arnold I need to tell you something." Miriam piped up refusing to look him in the eye.

"I have Aidan no thanks to you or Mr. Pataki, selling out your own flesh and blood." Arnold cut her off he didn't need her grieved sacrifice of honesty. Arnold had known where it was headed and simply beat Miriam to the punch. Suddenly Miriam looked a million years younger as a grin spread widely across the plains of her worn out face. In her smile was a hint of mischief; a hint of Helga. Her smile allowed the softened sympathetic side of Arnold to return.

"Oh can I see him." Her blue eyes were pleading. "Arnold please he's all we have left of our daughter. Please let us see him." She begged. Arnold bit his tongue internally outraged by the question. His exterior however reminds calm and contemplating. "Yes, you can come tomorrow. Tonight will you do me a favor though Mrs. Pataki?" Arnold asked shyly. He feared how bizarre the question would sound. "What is it dear?" Miriam seemed to be open. "Will you let me in Helga's car?" He stared at his large clumsy feet paying attention to every detail of his black Converse versus looking her in the eye.

"Yes," That was all she said she gave him a knowing look digging into her bra to retrieve the keys. Miriam didn't pry as to why he wanted into Helga's car at two in the morning. So gratefully Arnold returned the favor by not pondering as to why she had the car keys in the first place.

Arnold crawled into the front seat closing the door as Miriam closed and locked her front door. He took a deep breath and moaned a sound of relief as he took in the scent. He had forgotten how good Helga smelled up close and personal. The intoxicating scent of wildflowers drifted tantalizing his nostrils. The smell had clung to the polyester seats confined in such a small space. He shut his eyes finding for the first time in week's tranquility. He fluttered his wide green eyes open as he skimmed his hand across the steering wheel. She'd put a flair of her personality by decorating the interior with zebra print. A photograph pinned by hair barrettes on to her visors captured his attention.

It was an old photograph on Gerald, Phoebe, Helga, and himself standing in front of Gerald's field. The four best friends beamed up at Arnold frozen forever in time. Frozen in that moment of captured bliss. He looked into her blue eyes lost in the oceans of captured depths. Even in a picture those eyes suffocated him with their icy glare. He stood beside her and atop her head were his fingers imitating bunny ears. It was a seemingly happy photo but Helga's eyes were hauntingly sad. He took the barrettes off to hold the picture in his hands. Carefully he placed it on the passenger side seat to take home with him later.

He took another breath wanting to immerse his lungs in the entirety of her scent. What is that smell? Maybe it's her shampoo? He'd have to find out another time. He put his headphones on and braced himself to press play.

* * *

Arnold pressed play and Helga's raspy voice plunged into his eardrums. The hairs on his back stood on end. With the mixture of her exotic scent and voice he could almost feel the touch of her skin; almost imagine her here. As if he could see Helga and she was just sitting on the passenger side of the car.

"Hello princess. Sorry, I never did grow out of the nickname. You never grew out of being a snobbish bitch either though, so we're even Rhonda.

"This tape may in fact be the most epic, juiciest, and greatest piece of gossip yet. It's even better then when Curly tried setting all the animals in the zoo free!" Helga jeered.

"Drum roll for the dramatics please! Helga cheered. The sounds of what was obviously her smacking her thighs with her palms fluttered from the recording. Arnold rolled his eyes Helga would forever be a perpetual smart-ass.

"This is a gang bang of a recording. The star of our show is none other then Rhonda Wellington Lloyd. However, she is not alone! Her tape has many guest star appearances. In fact, this tape is not just for princess. Oh no, in fact this tape is a gang bang of people. Yes I said gang bang because I'm about to fuck all your reputations so hard! So allow me to introduce our cast! Welcome Nadine, Curly, Sid, and the fattest phony for last Harold!" Helga jeered maliciously.

Her voice was cruel and taunting and Arnold was reminded of their school days, when Helga would tease him and the other children, tossing them to the ground and scrapping their knees. Arnold was certain though that this time it was going to get a lot more messy and abusive then scrapped knees. _**Hell have no furry like Helga scorned!**_


	17. Chapter 17

_Writer's Note: Oh snaps! The end is near guys. Things are about to get really real so if you can't take the heat stay out of the fan fic! Love you all for your loyalties it's what keeps me going and hopeful as a writer. As always read and review I do adore your opinions lovelies!_

**_Chapter 17_**

**"No one knows for certain just how much of an impact they have on someone's life, yet they push it all the same." –Jay Ashe**r

* * *

Rhonda Wellington Lloyd watched the thick pustules of Grey that slithered out the partings of her thin red lips. "I don't have flowers, so want one?" Rhonda spoke to no one in particular or rather someone in particular who wasn't really there. She held a long elegant stick that she'd attached her cigarette on to. She flicked the ashes carelessly as she dug into her Gucci clutch for her pack of smokes. At last she retrieved the package and slid a cigarette out to place beside the tomb stone.

Rhonda had received a ransom to meet at Helga G. Pataki's grave. She knew it was ill advice to attend but her curiosity enticed her. Or perhaps her guilt made it almost compulsion to come and receive whatever fate awaited her at her dead friend's tomb. Her cigarette was almost out and feeling rather anxious Rhonda took the butt and tossed it in the near by grass. She quickly stomped on it. "Yuck there's mud all over my Jimmy Choo's!" She whined to the tombstone as if conversing with Helga herself.

"Wipe them off then princess." Rhonda grabbed at her robust bosom her cleavage rising and falling rapidly. Just hearing the Old Nick name made her turn white. No one had called her princess since Helga. Even though the slang came from a man it seemed to bring the ghost of Helga into the air. It was to say the least excruciatingly unnerving for Rhonda.

* * *

"Lovely dress it suits you. The lady in red it's so appropriate." He spoke whimsically.

"Poor twisted little freak!" Rhonda used Helga's old slang for the boy in return, when in Rome right?

"Ouch, that almost stung me, you just don't have the same staying power Helga had." He spoke outlandishly as she turned to face him.

"Shut up Curly you're crazy I knew this would be a waste of my time!" Her honey eyes bored viciously into his amber eyes. He had grown into himself even Rhonda had to except that. He was gorgeous with his dark eyes and shaggy hair that stood out against his pale paper skin. He was stylish with a bizarre flair. He was okay for a crazed man Rhonda decided.

She smirked spinning around to walk away when another voice saturated the air revealing themselves out from the near by trees.

"Wait Rhonda," the voice pleaded

"Crawl up a hole and die Brainy." Rhonda scowled.

"Wait I can explain. I can save us all from exposure. I know how to stop the tapes from getting out." Brian begged for Rhonda's attention. She crossed her perfectly tanned arms glaring into his muddy hazel eyes. He too was handsome with his gleaming wide smile and dirty blonde hair. It seemed the old Hillwood gang had been blessed with flawless outer appearances; but on the inside they were uglier then sin with all their warped secrets.

* * *

"How? No one knows whom she gave the copies to. Either way, we both know you only care cause you don't want to expose the murderer you are!" Rhonda sneered in the holier then thou attitude that only she could manage.

"Did I push her off the ledge did I put a bullet through her? No! I'm not a murderer." Brian snapped.

"Yeah sure your not neither is Charles Manson. Plotting is the same as pulling the trigger personally." Rhonda retorted.

"I didn't mean for Helga to die, I just wanted to teach her a lesson. How was I to know everything would go off the rails? " Brian snapped. Rhonda smacked him across the face. "How could you? I loved her!" Rhonda scowled. "I loved her too," Brian argued.

"I think we can all agree that we all had forms of love for her. We could argue until the sun and moon set or we could get to the point." Curly at last chimed in. Both Rhonda and Brian turned their full attention on the previously quiet Curly.

The three teens glared at one another arms crossed and anger stewing. Curly cleared his throat flamboyantly. Rhonda rolled her eyes as Brian nudged Curly in the shoulder prompting him to hurry up and talk. Curly took his time contemplating his words raveling with glee at the pairs impatience. Curly was always the star of his own show and he would take his sweet ass time if it moved him to do so.

"Well Rhonda darling it doesn't matter who has the copies because the tapes if I've calculated correctly which I always do, are in Arnold's possession right now and he will without doubt when he's done listening to them expose us all." Curly explained analytical.

"Well then why bother with me then? Why not just go straight to the source? Why not get to Arnold before

he can get to us and send the tapes out?" Rhonda demanded tapping her foot impatiently as the trio built a circle around Helga's tombstone.

"Don't you think we thought of that already." Brian barked out.

"Like I said we could argue or get to the point. Stop interrupting me!" Curly spoke with authority and both fell silent under his steady gaze.

"Are either of you familiar with the plot of Pandora's box? No well long story short, against the advice given Pandora opens a box that unleashes all the evils we now face in our world today." The pair both stared at Curly unable to keep up with his train of thought.

"However, the last thing to leave the box was a single ray of hope. Helga's box of tapes is our kayos but her where abouts are our ray of hope." Curly explained as if it didn't take rocket science to put two and two together.

* * *

"Where abouts? Helga's underneath us." Rhonda scuffed. "Look Rhonda you're just as guilty as the rest of us. Don't act like you didn't play a roll in what I set up that night at the party. Don't play stupid, maybe it all got too intense for your tender sensibilities but you were just as involved." Brian shouted and Curly hushed him impatient with the two continuously bickering.

"No she's not." Curly countered pointedly. "Like I said you're psycho." Rhonda began to stalk off when Curly pulled her back roughly by the arm. "Let me go!" Rhonda hollered. "Not until we're done!" Curly gave her a demeaning look.

"Helga is still alive! A life for a life. If we can find her and save her life then she will have to repay us by destroying the tapes and metaphorically saving our lives in return." Curly was crazed his lip twitched in a deceptive smile. Rhonda could briefly visualize the deluded little boy that had once been obsessed with her if she looked into his eyes long enough.

"Fuck you Curly I'm out of here." Rhonda sneered. "Wow, Ms. Wellington Lloyd such inappropriate language for a lady of your stature." Curly spoke reprimanding. "No, Curly let her go. We'll save Helga and be sure to let Rhonda's tape slip from the underground." Brian taunted tormenting.

"Fine I'll help you." She at last caved. "Well, there is someone who does know where number 13 would take her." Brain said number 13 almost as if his real name were tainted and unspeakable. "We'll talk to him and then we'll set out for our rescue mission." Brian explained. "We're running out of time he's liable to kill Helga at any moment we need to set the plan in motion now." Brian insisted. "Fine, lead the way so we can save that blonde barbaric bitch." Rhonda cursed just to dig brutally under Curly's skin.

As she had hoped Curly frowned at her. She beamed at him lifting her heels in such a way to avoid digging her feet in the grass. Both boys rushed after Rhonda as they prepared for their rescue mission.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Writer's Note: This chapter may be considered intense for some viewers. If you can't handle how our tail is piecing itself together for its epic conclusion then simply don't read it. Enjoy and review my lovlies.**_

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What was life but a fleeting moment in the vast stretching of time? If she pondered it what was twenty years of age worth compared to the billions of years that aged the Earth its self? Why was she here? What did it all mean? What if there was no meaning? What if there was nothing beyond this life? What if there was simply suffering and she was destined to spend her existence in it? These were the morbid topics flitting through Helga Pataki's mind as she counted the tiles on the ceiling above her.

Death seemed tauntingly inviting at this point anything to make the pain ebb away. She sobbed her robust bosom heaving with her anguished cries. She cried and cried howling not caring who heard her disdain. She wanted someone to hear it; any one to hear it, she wanted for once rather then suppressing it for someone outside herself to acknowledge her pain.

"Even when you cry you're beautiful," He complimented in the shadows and Helga whimpered. For the first time in her life she felt truly defeated. Her eyes roamed to the body lying in a heap before her feet. All along she had been so certain who her monster was. She'd been confidant in her observation and had presumed whom number 13 was. Should she chuck it up to trial and error? Number 13 was merely an accomplice. No, her monster was stealthier and far more lethal. It took great cunning to deceive Helga Pataki but he had.

"Poor Stinky was always dull as mud and destined to lead a simpleton life." He sighed sadly as he kicked the lifeless body at his feet. "If anything feeding into his desire for you and leading him to such crimes of passion was perhaps a kind act." He smiled at her his teeth lighter then snowflakes.

"I gave his otherwise pitiful life meaning. When the police find him and you lying here it'll be plastered on the front page of every New York paper. He'll at last become more then a commercialized star. He'll live on forever for the most gruesome teenage crime. The paper will read a story of a warped Romeo lost to the darkness of his lust." He laughed and his laugh was still as charming as Helga remembered it to be. Oh how her monster masked him-self with such masculine beauty.

"His only mistake was allowing lust to blind him. If he hadn't been consumed by it perhaps he would have seen past my motives. It's sad that it ends this way doll it truly is. I spent a decade envisioning what our lives could have been. Stinky wasn't as dedicated as I was to the ideal of you." Her monster conceded.

"You are an obsessive weirdo! I never thought of you in a romantic way or honestly even thought of you much at all. What will you do once I'm gone? You adore objects and prizes to ogle at. What will you do when your most watched over and prized possession is gone? I could live without you if given the chance; but could you live without me?" Helga spoke so soft that her voice seethed into a slight whisper.

He tilted his head to the side his wide eyes carefully studying Helga's profile. "Obsessed is merely what the lazy use to describe the dedicated." He walked with an air of sophistication as if he held more class then she. "Besides I'm just Helga. I don't know what I did to get three psychotics to obsessively pine for me until death do us part." Helga mocked the grief tinged her voice only slightly. "Stinky and Brian are merely childish crushes that without my prodding may have never blossomed into what they became. I needed them though in order to cover my tracks." He seemed to be absorbing her words picking and choosing what he wanted to answer.

"The loveliest flowers are often the ones that bloom the latest. That's the beauty in the breakdown; the beauty is your lack of awareness to what an oddity that you truly are." Helga cringed at his phrasing he had not been the first to title her nature as beauty in the breakdown. Helga's mind flitted for merely a secant on her beloved. Now, she understood how this young man could be so desperate for every inch of her. If his desire was even an inking of what Helga had spent in need for Arnold her entire life, then she could completely understand her stalker in a way no one else ever would.

* * *

"I understand I love Arnold like that too. See Arnold loves like a normal person should. You and I are not like everyone else. We're driven and we allow it to drive us mad. We love so deeply that it drives us crazy. I can get that. I get it." Helga was almost hysterical. She wondered if she was getting Stockholm syndrome. She must be because she was sympathizing with her kidnapper's obsessiveness. "Arnold doesn't love you damn it I do!" He shouted slamming his fist agitated against the brick basement wall.

"It terrifies me when you say you love me. You say you love rain but you carry an umbrella. You say you love sunshine but continuously search for shade. You say you love a flower but you pick it. This is why I'm horrified when you say you love me." Helga explained her blue eyes drooping with exhaustion. As he slid away blending back into the darkness of the shadows.

"Even in the end you obtain your poetic angst. I knew that all those anonymous poems were you. I always wanted to be your muse. At last I finally am your muse but not as I envisioned. I guess we chuck it up to be careful what you wish for, huh?" He seethed with a chilling calmness that would only mean that a storm was brewing inside him.

"Why did you want my attention anyway?" Helga snarled. "You were idolized and adored by all of Hillwood." She conceded. "Idolization is being forced atop a towering pedestal; panicking as you try and keep from tumbling down to your social suicide." He paused and Helga wished so badly to see the face she remembered so well. "You never gave a shit what people thought of you. You loved your life free and as you pleased. Maybe that's what pulled me to you in the first place." He reasoned. "What do you mean, "lived?" You said that in a past tense." The panic rising slightly in Helga's voice. "No, what I wanted was to be loved. Love its what we all want. I wanted, no, needed you to love me." He spoke with anguish ignoring her question blatantly.

"I always get what I want. I want you Helga." He hissed.

"I can't be bought, you'll never have me." Helga promised.

"Why must we always want what we can't have?" He pondered more to himself then her.

"Love me. Say you love me and I'll stop. Helga we could run away together. Forget it all." He was delusional.

"Forget the rapes, murder, and plunder? Never, you sicken me! I'm grateful you hide in the shadows the mere thought of seeing you makes me gag!" She was lying she wanted nothing more but to look him in the eye and spit in his face.

"Fine then if I can't reason with you," Helga cut him off. "There is no reasoning with a mad man! Crazy makes you crazy." Helga titled her head back her long blonde waves cascading down the chair as she groaned. With what little energy she had she wriggled trying to loosen the cords tied around her dainty wrists. She tried, slowly giving up.

He rose his voice. "If I can't reason with you then I'll simply take what I want and leave behind whatever is left." He spoke with sophistication that did not match up to the deeds he was discussing. He acted as if he were civilized though he was truly barbaric.

He rushed towards her and Helga winced gasping with suppressed sobs. "Someone will find me! It's almost over for me." She panted horrified as she shut her eyes the scent of citrus wafting her from his breath. His face was in an uncomfortable proximity to her own.

"There's only one person who knows you're alive and that's me." He whispered in her ear biting her earlobe tenderly as Helga cringed.

"Lier!" She sobbed.

"Am I lying? If I were don't you think after almost damn near three months someone would have found you?" He taunted her. Helga knew better though she'd given a special edition copy of her tapes to her own secret agent. She trusted this person and she knew they'd get help. Besides for them there was also one other person who had to know she lived possibly even her exact location.

"You're lying." She repeated her voice growing stronger with false confidence. "Fuzzy Slippers knows everything about this tinsel town. Nothing slips past Fuzzy." She spoke to reassure herself more so then to explain to her captor. "Ah you're right Helga. Why didn't I think of that sooner, of course he knows everything! Except for the most important thing!" He babbled. "Quit babbling and get to the point." Helga spoke hoarsely.

"I know who Fuzzy Slippers is." He explained with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "No one knows his true identity not even Gerald!" Helga chuckled at her assailant's stupidity. "Gerald doesn't know who Fuzzy Slippers is because Fuzzy Slippers doesn't even know his own identity, or at least didn't." He balled on.

Helga's mind was hazy. She was exhausted and it was becoming more and more difficult to keep up with his warped mind. If there is such a thing as Heaven and Hell Helga was certain that this exact moment was hell. Hell in a handbag she even dared to think to herself. She wanted it all to end. After a life of abuse she'd finally snapped her mental backbone. She was emotionally weak. Exhausted with life in its entirety. She couldn't keep living in a constant state of peril. She couldn't keep up the charade of false courage. Helga was sick, scared, weak, withering, and slowly agonizingly slowly dying. She had two options keep fighting the good fight or at last succumb to whatever may happen and finally be laid to rest.

"Fuzzy Slippers has Split Personality Disorder dear. Fuzzy Slippers doesn't even know his own identity." He explained drawing Helga back into focus. "Huh?" Helga asked. "Eugene Horowitz is Fuzzy Slippers." He continued explaining. "How can you be sure." Helga questioned. He grabbed her by her already bruised cheeks forcing her to look him in his dark tormented eyes. "It's just a theory; but in theory I am always accurate on my skilled accountability." He spoke with an air of finesse. "Either way your reminder will not go unattended to. I love your sarcastic wit but dear you really are a dumb blonde. Why would you rat out your only source of survival? No matter, I'll find out for certain if my calculations are right. I'm always right though. This time I won't send someone to do my dirty work. No, if you want something done you got to do it yourself; I'll remove Eugene from the equation myself." He spoke as if he were not the loon but instead as if it were Helga who was out of her mind.

Helga titled her head to the side staring hatefully at him as he smirked pleased with his own sense of arrogant intelligence. "You can't just kill people out of assumption. Eugene is a person an innocent person doesn't that matter to you at all?" Helga cried she knew her answer, as she looked down at Stinky a puddle of blood by her feet. The answer was no.

"Killing is killing whether done for duty, profit, or fun." He smirked.

"You know evil masks itself in false beauty. It is said that the devil was God's most beautiful angel before his falling from grace. You're about to catapult to your doom bucko; and when you do, I'll be waiting with joy." Helga was dehydrated but she took all the siliva her mouth could muster as she hacked spit across his powerful jawbone. He stroked his goatee and with his other hand palmed Helga across her fragile wounded face. She laughed already anticipating his demise as she slumped over at last giving herself to unconsciousness.


	19. Chapter 19

**WRITER'S NOTE: Spent all night writing this and I'm about to crash. I know tomorrow morning I'll regret this. WARNING LEMONY!Sorry it's been so long I have severe writer's block. I know how I want the tape to go but I have no idea how to piece it together so Sorry it's coming soon but this is not the tape chapter. In fact the tape one I'll probably break down to two parts. This is just a short chapter to try and get my imagination flowing again. Thank you every one of you for your loyalties.**

* * *

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face

And I...

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face

And I...

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

* * *

Bob Pataki had beaten his younger daughter yet again. It showed on every inch of her ivory skin, blotches of blue bruises tainting her cream complexion. She stood before Arnold gazing at his skyline ceiling the bruises exposed as she took off her sweater. Helga Pataki seemed almost hysterical. She hadn't said a single word to Arnold but he was used to her average break ins, after all she'd been breaking into his room since grade school. He said not a single word watching her clutch her arms tightly pressing unnecessary pressure to the markings on her arms.

"Arnold?" She asked softly speaking for the first time that night since intruding the barely sixteen year old boy's bedroom. He didn't know how to respond it was the first time he'd seen Helga since loosing his virginity and investigating the bruises the first time. Rationally he knew he should console her, reassure her all the reasons why she should seek help for her abuse, but Arnold could not bring himself to do so.

There was a deep seeded anger inside him for all the lifetimes of heartache the blonde girl had inflicted him. Helga was like a diabolical plague festering and decaying his once sensitive heart. There was darkness in him that she had over time created with her poisonous passions. She was like a physical manifestation of the deadly sins. She was Arnold's wrath and lust. He had spent the last few weeks ashamed of himself. He had for two weeks now dealt with his filthy thoughts. Many a night he tossed and turned plotting his vengeance of the pale blonde girl, with the sapphire eyes; that followed and loomed over his every thought. Some nights his thoughts would turn murderous enraged and confused as to how one mere girl could drive a man insane with such need.

Yet, other nights he would find himself in tears lonesome for her company. Craving just the slightest brush against her warm tender skin. He couldn't understand how he'd lost his composure and steadfast morality. Morality when it came to Helga seemed to slip through Arnold's fingers like trying to clutch smoke.

* * *

He had more then anything missed her. There was a void inside him without her presence. It almost horrified Arnold. In her absence Arnold had been forced to embrace that his emotions did not dwell inside himself. Helga walked around carrying his every feeling. He was cool and collected and only reasonable. The only living being he cared so deeply for was Helga. She was what made him feel at all. It's scary when you know your very heart is being carried around outside your own body. Even scarier is knowing that the owner could give two shits and would more then likely stomp it out, until there was nothing left to shrink down and destroy. After weeks of obsessively anticipating what he'd say to the girl, now that the moment had come he was rendered speechless.

"Arnold?" She asked again her raspy voice softened. In her voice he could hear the frightened little girl she truly was. She needed a savior; a knight in shining armors. Arnold was forever the masochist when it came to Helga. A Masochist craving her even though all she ever did was destroy him. He needed her though needed to nurture this poor battered young woman before him. He knew he should ask questions and seek answers but at the moment he didn't care. All that mattered was that fate had brought her back to him. He had been so certain he'd never speak to her again. It relieved him just the mere sight of her standing before him. Yet, Arnold's blood sang for so much more burning to smolder from the heat of her flesh.

"Let me kiss it better." He whispered and a single tear glided down her soft rosy cheek. He gravitated to her almost magnetically standing before her. He lifted his index finger brushing the tears off her tender cheeks. She flinched and whimpered but not a whimper of pain. "Kiss it; it'll heal, but it won't forget." She hissed and very slowly she pulled down the straps of her torn pink dress. It slithered to the floor as she stood bare exposing herself to him; with nothing but a pink ribbon in her hair. It was deeper then just being naked she seemed to expose her very soul to him. Arnold knew from the look in those azure eyes that she was showing him something no one else had ever seen within herself. She bared her every scar and bruise for his eyes to judge.

* * *

"Kiss me better Arnold; fix me." She demanded reigning in control with her usual ferocity. "You can't fix what's not broken." He paused. "You're beautiful. You're my beauty in the breakdown." Arnold reassured her and she wrapped her arms around him quaking with silent sobs. He softly pushed her away and for a moment heartbreak from the loss of contact flashed behind her pupils. He timidly looked to the floor as he too removed his clothing.

They both stood there examining each other. Studying every freckle and every limb of one another's bodies in the pale moonlight of his bedroom. "I want you, you're mine. I'm the man. Yeah I said it! Don't you forget it. The way you walk; that's me. The way you talk; that's me. The way you've got your hair up; did you forget that's me?" Arnold blurted out biting his tong embarrassed of his outburst.

She pressed her fingers to his lips hushing him. "Arnold we're Ying and yang you're my light but I'm your darkness. If we didn't have each other we wouldn't be made and molded into who we are. That's what love truly is. Love is finding the missing pieces. I'm the piece of the puzzle. I reveal your inner most thoughts, I'm a reflection of what you really are on the inside." She hissed and he growled frustrated with the primal instincts she aroused inside him. It wasn't about Helga anymore. It was about Arnold putting the beast into a slumber. It was about finally relieving the ache that was his existence without her. He needed her all of her right then and there.

"Helga I love you. Not a heat of the moment thing, not a line from a play or a script, nothing but raw unadulterated love." He clutched her face forcing her to look him in the eye and accept the fact that she wasn't useless that she was in fact loveable. "You are loveable, you are worth something, you're worth more then anything." He whispered in her ear pressed against her as she trembled. He untied the pink bow in her hair tying it to his bedpost. "Lay down now so I can kiss it better." He instructed her. She obliged sprawled out on top of his sheets. "You're safe, you're home is with me. You're home now and I will fix you." Arnold promised her shivering as he lifted himself so that his face was merely inches away from her's.

Arnold pressed his lips savagely against Helga's savoring the sweet red velvet taste of her. His hands roamed to explore the blossoming flower of her innocence and youth. He was suffocating lightheaded and intoxicated by the sweet scent of wild flowers in her hair. He moaned lost in the completion he had spent weeks suffering in need of. As Arnold made love to Helga he was connected and finally combined into the entirety of himself. Arnold was finally complete both the light and darkness in him blending into a neutral state that put him at ease. Together they both shouted their release crumpling into the mattress. Lovingly Helga stroked Arnold's soft blonde trusses as he embraced her. Holding her with the affection she'd always needed but could never receive. Both were sustained, the body and the soul satisfied.

* * *

_Both quickly fell into a peaceful sleep relieved. It had been a while since either of them had known such comfort and relaxation. Little did both know through the fire escape window had been a peeping tom; and as their love had began to blossom, an obsessive fetish was being born. That was the first time number 13 had done something of such blasphemy. There was a sickness inside him for Helga a sick coincidence that he had needed to stop by Arnold's when he had. The whole circumstance was a sick twist of circumstance. No matter though, number 13 had decided right then and there to feed the flames of wickedness within him. That was the night that he became number 13_.


End file.
